Day 6

Today started off with a text to me asking for q-tips. One of the things our family loves, is q-tips. I know they are not good for digging into our ears. And blah blah blah...but he wanted q-tips. And so I arrived with those, and Burt's bees natural wipies for his biz area. Lugging up here was new washed blankies and more unders.

What I arrived to is a very painful riddled dude. Who started to explain to me just how bad this is. So much so that he said he would never go through this again. He began to cry. A good cry that was needed. I sat on the end of his bed explaining that he's deep in the trenches and that if anyone can get through it will be him. That we need him to take each day. Each pill. Each new change of med to help ease whatever is going on. He must NOT give up.

On Sunday his arm began to swell, and told different nurses and one doc. All of which seemed to care yet had Sunday by crazy house and nothing gets accomplished at the rate of Mondays. And so by yesterday afternoon when my sister left he was sassy.
My call to the charge nurse asking a few things. Clean his room, and completely under his bed. Change his sheets immediately because it's driving him crazy with hair shedding off. And where's the ultrasound?!
By 3pm. An ultrasound was done. (Nothing going on inside just fluid gathering because of continual massive amounts of IV)-

Yesterday, was a bad day. Today isn't any better. Depression of pain. Of the unknown. Of trying to hear from others to "be strong man" and "you've got this" when clearly you feel like you're losing your grip. And so when your mom puts lotion on your rash back and the doctors are mentioning engraftment hoping that the new cells are reacting and getting ready to sprout into place.
But you are fearful because you can't believe just how bad this feels. And is the course of action going to get better or worse. You really don't know. But you're hopeful because you are at the best place. With the best doctors.

I will continue to praise, wipe and love. I am scared at times to see him this sick. But I have lots of faith in this.
He's become very forgetful and a tad bit confused. All of which blossom from chemo and hardcore meds. I just remind him and smile.
I'm meeting with our transplant research match girls at 12 today. I have questions about meeting our donor someday. How international works.
Last night I had the worse headache. I felt it coming on at work. By 7pm I curled onto my bed calling it a night. So many things to process. My Dad said the barometric pressure when clouds cover us after sunshine can also do it.
My night was rough. Nothing even minutely close to my boys night.

These days, in the trench are the days I hope his body is able to forget. Kind of like the bearing in childbirth.

Counts-
WBC  0.1
HGB. 8.5
Platelets 15
Cr. .58

May you all enjoy this Tuesday and the kindness in any form from others.

Love,
This Mama warrior Lisa