Keep Riding The Waves.

 The December gloom has landed upon my shoulders. 

I fought it off for weeks. 

 Not willing to give into the cold winter air. The gloom of the sunless harbor-side days.  The hustle of the sound of Christmas. Not the beauty in trees, decor and good food, but the tight shoulders filled with stress over a pandemic. 

The election drama that rolled out first, lingering in between everyone's continued Covid concerns.

Will it end?

Will people be changed forever?

Why, yes. 

Friendships and family gathering, but not including other humans because of a virus. 

Christmas schedules muted because no one can be held responsible for a simple hug. 

Life hands out "what if's" like confetti, and yet we all just continue to walk in circles.

Are we doing the right thing, or are we killing each other with a simple gathering. 

A Christmas tree is up, with no gifts wrapped yet, but a fridge is filled to the brim with all the good food. 

Wine will be devoured by loved ones, but the next morning we lay awake in fear of sickness.

I woke today with my old friend "worry" and his brother "sadness". 

Folding clothes that stayed in the dryer all weekend because I would rather be near my littlest birdie. 

But then another trip to the pharmacy to pick up my sons 9 bottles of medicines that keep him alive and able and I walk the same halls of the oncology and I am reminded of why my shoulders are stiff.

I am reminded of the text back to my parents that WE DO NOT need anything. No gifts.

I asked for a picture of them. 

A selfie if that's all they got. Whatever.

Don't spend just to spend and send. 

We have fridges full of food. We have health.  We have life.

To wrap and rip through within minutes. 

What are we doing?

Why do I feel this way every year?

Maybe it's the network of this pandemic. The shame we all will soon feel. 

Can't gather with too many because then you're the bad guy.  Can't leave someone out, because then you're really a bad guy. 

And so we just forge through. We're all connected in goodness and sadness.  In fear and in sorrow. 

Today I feel the gloom.  I feel the tainted breakdown of trauma.  Of the what if's. 

Do we say fuckit and just keep what we've always done, and that would be..."Our best"?

Do we live fierce, wild and free in our pods while forgetting the rainbow of friends we've made along the way?

Or do we just let the New Year blossom with hopes/beliefs a vaccination will swoop down and save the world? Skeptic much Lisa? Why yes friends, yes she is. 

For me, I'm stepping to the side in my own beliefs, washing my hands like a ninja like I do. 

My best to you and yours.

Keep your chin up and while taking a deep breath, right now......relax your shoulders. 

Maybe they're not bunched up like mine...

Just keep doing your best.

Keep the chatter out. 

Stay smart, but stay true.

This life is way too fast.

Way......too fast. 

Beautifully imbalanced, but full of love and silliness-

Let's continue to ride the waves kids.

PS. WASH YOUR HANDS. RELAX YOUR SHOULDERS. 

Good luck to you all...May you find warmth in sunshine on your shoulders. Love in a smile from a loved one. Compliment strangers. Do good deeds. 

And do not ever take for granted, the good ol' days.

Just keep ridin' the waves....

Each one.

You can do it. 

Cheers. 

PEACE OUT. 

Hallelujah

This Mama Lisa

Time Flies. But not really.

 This past Thanksgiving day I was reminded of just how special it was 5 years ago.  I made little posters. Representing words that I felt.  News to relay to the world. A donor was found for our son. We knew he was from Germany. Actually, at first, we were just told Europe. 

I woke early that morning to make these little posters so that we could make a video.  That particular morning we'd be hosting Jen's parents Jeff and Renee.  Between Tori, my sister, Jen, Jeff and Renee we knew it would be extra special. 

Bucky was with us.  This Thanksgiving I scrolled through those posters. Reminiscing on those no longer with us. And remembering Jen and all she did to care for him through the worst time of his life.  

I can't believe we're peeking at 5 years, and then again I can.  The road to get where we are today has been anything but easy.  I still wake almost every single night with the memories.  The torture that beast laid down on our family.  My son most especially.  The nightmare it was. It is.  It will never go away. 

But we celebrate all the victories now.  Posters. Pictures. Videos that are extremely hard for me to watch. I literally get a knot in my stomach when I see pictures of those days in the hospital.  They worked so hard to keep him alive. And yet I was numb.  Running on nervous energy 24 hours a day. 

5 years is January 13, 2021.  5 years we had an original Admit date of December 24th. All the prep would never prepare a family for what was about to take place. 

And yet here we are.  5 years, you guys. FIVE. 

They were taking him down 3 times a day to radiation. He was basically being put into a microwave.

I was watching my baby burn from the inside out. Like, what the actual fuck on Earth are we called to be so tortured.

Because of HOPE?

That's all I had. 

That is all I had. 

That is all I ever have.

HOPE. 

And lots of triggers and PTSD. I know he does too, but we all just navigate through the best we can. 

My sweet Kali deals with anxieties and issues daily that I know stem from some of what she watched. 

Heartbreaking.

And yet, 5 years. You guys, he's alive. 

And able. 

And navigating. 

And loving. 

And being kind.

And learning. 

And searching.

And pushing through. 

Thanksgiving 2020 was beautiful. 

Very different from years past, but so full of happy moments and love.

Kali and I cooked up a storm. 

Heart was full.

We miss Jeff. We miss Jen. We love Renee.

We climbed such big mountains together. 

So much changed in these 5 years.

Jeff and Bucky have left Earth. 

Jen lives in Australia. 

Kris has found the sweetest of all....Alexis "Lexi" whom we love!

It's been a hard year, but we have to believe that 2021 will be better. A good place to begin is with HOPE. 

There are two ways to be: Kind and respectful. A basic rule, per say...."One Rule", two words. BE KIND.

Not everyone will have our same beliefs.  Not everyone will like us. Not everyone will be on our side. Or their side. 

But kindness most definitely helps.

The mission in life is not merely to survive, as Maya Angelou said, "but to thrive, and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor and some style"- 

It's not about who you voted for.  Or what religion you follow. 

It's a notion to make another feel good. 

Taking into consideration what others have gone through.  What others have been handed.

I HOPE and pray I can be around long enough to see this horrible virus get under control.  I HOPE I can see my son and daughter flourish. 

To my friends and family in the thick of grief because of all the changes this year....

Hang tough. 

Life is delicate and oh, so fast. 

In case you're wondering how Kali's rescue is doing?

Just fine.

I hope you all feel lightheartedness, love and good cheer during this month. 

Of peace on Earth, human kindness and decency...wherever you may go. 

Go in PEACE. 

Because time flies......But not really. 

Love and PEACE. 

Most of all, HOPE.

This Mama Lisa