Peace & Love: On Hovering.

And nagging.

It's been glorious to have Kris out of City Of Hope. A place that gave him a new chance. Although it holds a big piece of my heart and soul, it's good to be free.

What better timing to be free on such a beautiful weekend.

The hard part, is the sunshine is pulling him out. And about.

Which is making life very challenging for Bill and myself.

The new chance that has been filtered with many, many concerns. He was told from the very first days of preparing for discharge just how delicate and how vulnerable his counts will be. That going out is "ok" but to be out in the great wide open. To not be in crowded places, germie places, and places that would harbor sickies. He is allowed to be in a car, and on the ocean, but to keep a conscious effort in keeping covered.

Most especially his skin. Graft Versus Host Disease is most likely to rear it's head on his skin.

You can imagine my face when I find a video on IG of him cruising up PCH with happiness lingering like the wind out the window. Both Jen and him, smiling, cruising, and living life.

Yes, he's covered. Yes, he's worried. I guess coming from Mama and the formal caretaker. I'm a tad bit more worried.

Back in August when he was first sick, he bought himself an old vw bus. One that he took such pride in having towed home. Or to his uncles house. His one request, to get it home so he'd have something to be happy in.

He was told it was okay to drive, and be at home or homes with us. To fist bump friends, and no hugs...and on and on they went. A big blue book that stated the very same things. Down to, changing towels, and toothbrushes on the daily. You can imagine how frazzled I became. Quickly frazzled. As I am anyhow....

This caretaker biz tossing me over the edge.

And so, Friday we woke to a beautiful sunny day. We both did. I fed him, he napped, and on and on the day went. Friday afternoon he headed to Jens, after having friends stop by.

Biting my lip. Wiping down counters because I was on nervous energy.

Bill took me to a hockey game Friday night with our friends Paul and Mary. A good time was had, that's for sure....I never realized how fun and what energy a hockey game offers. Reminded me of soccer a little-

My weekend was filled with sunshine and love. Sunshine that I needed so badly to help ease the crazy worries of what we just went through. Kris grocery shopped to make himself "ranch" dressing versus buying it. Buying all the goodies to help get through the 100 days of cooking meals from home.

Texting me in the morning asking me what we were up to.

My response, whatever sounds good to you...

Come over and I'll bbq- Dad and I are gonna head over to Gaylord's to check on him and we'll be back...

So I made these, and we bbq'd a nice little dinner in.

At night fall, I could see his tired weak body starting to fold. He has a handful of pills to take.

So they'd head home.

His first night without sweats. He first night of sleeping without Ambien.

Yesterday, same thing. Coming over after taking the dogs to the park...where it was too hot.

I made a nice dinner. We sat and watched Superbowl 50-Which had only TWO cute commercials-Both of which had animals.

Superbowls, for me are all about food, and the commercials.

Raise your hand if you think it should be Superbowl Saturday? *hand raises super high*

I headed home at 3rd quarter. With Bucksie and my Mama Warrior bag that I'm due to empty tonight.

Time to clear my head. And my heart.

And keep on praying!

Today, he's at the doctor. Where he was just told his labs (counts) look perfect. To eliminate one steroid.

To keep getting stronger, and to "get out and get strong"-

I repeat---get out and get strong. Whaaa....???

To avoid crowded places, and un-trusted food places.

To thrive. To live.

And so, maybe I am just a tad bit overwhelmed- Maybe I'm in shock. Maybe I'm just a warrior Mom that has been to hell and back.

Maybe, I should trust in the God I prayed to, asking for answers. To not only protect him, but me.

I can't go through more anguish. I really can't.

I call "uncle" on the hard parts in life.

Today and for the next few months this company needs my attention again. It needs both eyes on the road, not just one.

I've fallen down from my desk top. A place I've been honored to sell the name for 20 years, needs my attention again. Come on Spring season, let me sell some lids!

One eye on the road, and one on myself.

No one said life would be easy, but it's gotta get a little easier....right?

This girl is hammering down on sorority stuff though...

Pushing, living, learning and pulling girls in to their sisterhood.