Those notes. Those things. Those people.

Last night was my first night home, alone.  My sister looked at me and said "are you gonna be okay"-
Of course.  Tee, I've got this.  No biggie.  (Happy  Birthday Sister!)

Virgo/Aries.

As I entered my house at close to midnight, I am quickly greeted by 2 chubby cats.  Both elated to see me.
Actually, they were hungry, making me even more popular.

No big deal, I started the shower, I was exhausted.  (because I drove a couple hundred miles to have dinner with my littlest-shhhhhhh-ha) Well, and decorate her dorm a little more.  As I sat next to her at dinner, I could feel, and see her anguish.  I could most definitely see her sadness.  I continued to change the subject and remind her how tough she is, and that this new scary, sad phase will soon turn into better days.  Nesting in a new place takes a little while.  The smells, the bed, the walls, all of it.  It takes time.

Although the miles are there, they actually aren't too far.  I also told her that during her darkest days, this will make her the strongest. One day she will look back on these memories that so many people are never ever able to achieve, or live long enough to experience.  This is good.

My job was to raise good human beings.  My job was to nurture you, and give you what it takes to make decisions that last a lifetime.  My job is to prop you back up when you start to fall over.  To praise you, and love you during your darkest hours.  My job is to love you, and miss you, but always to encourage you. I am quite sure I have made mistakes.  Mistakes that I would learn from, and of course tuck away in the corner of my soul. 
Yes, the house is empty.  Yes, the electric toothbrush that drove me bonkers each time it would fall over as I reached for mine is gone.  Yes, your room looks different, although I feel you in there.  As a matter of fact, I sat in there this morning and sipped coffee with "Hannah"- Yes, I miss your clothes, and accessories. I especially miss those black sandals I parted with.  I never thought I would see your room so organized and neat.  If I'm being honest, I really wish you were sitting in there with me having coffee, but you are moving mountains...remember-

Each morning, I thank my lucky stars that I have Dad.  I am thankful that I have a support posse' of friends. Those very friends that are walking the same plank.  Those same friends that probably wake up in the middle of the night and wonder.  Those same friends that probably get the same messages from their daughters.
The ones that read "Mom, this is so hard"-  Or "Omg Mom, some of my professors are so weird"-  Or, "Mom, this class is gonna be so hard....public speaking isn't my thing".  I know, Kali.

But you are moving those big mountains we spoke about.  Remember back in March when we decided to tour? Remember on the way home when you slid on that brave hat, and pulled up those kick ass boots?  Remember Kali?  It's who you are.  It's why you will get somewhere in life.
By taking chances.

You have us.

You have a unit. People that truly love you.  And stand back in pure awe.  

Your Dad that gets tears in his eyes the next day as he's explaining how fast her little girl days flew by.
Or when he mentioned we never got the chance to talk to Grandma Shirley about it.  She was so proud of you.  The first thing she would ask, "how's Kali"- Whether it be soccer games, or this big step in college.  She was so proud of you.  She didn't get the chance to see these pictures.  She didn't get that phone call from us explaining how it all went.  Or a boyfriend that offered everything, plus strength in his own sadness as he put away your kitchen goods.  

Your Dad that made sure the little 3M stickers were put on so perfectly.  The same Dad that scooted Mama out of the bathroom so he could hang the shower curtain perfect.  He hung your mirror, and adjusted your bed, and air conditioning vent.  

You are lucky that this dude is cheering you on, in his unselfish way.  Surprising you with many things.  Just when you needed it.  The two of you have some pretty full chapters written, and more to come. I am sure.
As we unfolded our day together, our little team held it together.  From laughter, to jokes, and lots of work. 

Dad kept reiterating how safe this place was.  How good it felt to leave you somewhere that felt good.

I felt the same way.

As much as we prepared for the day, it was all kind of a blur once I got back home.  The week leading up to was a tad bit brutal.  I think for all of us. Yet we just kept moving. Like robots.  We kept moving. It was all surreal. 

The sweetest blessings are pulling together with others that tend to do their own things.  When your kids grow they build relationships, and fall in love, and move on in their lives.  Kris called me on Saturday night.  "Mom, do you guys wanna bbq?"  Yes, yes bub we do.  See you Sunday in the afternoon? 

The day was so full of sunshine, and a breeze swept by us, almost begging us to look around, and just soak up the last days of summer.  The moments together before everything really digs deep. 

For those that know Kris have watched his passion for salt water.  Deep sea fishing to be exact.  We have a freezer FULL of fish.  And so the grub begins.  He put together quite the fest for us. 

Last week as I arrived home from work, in a complete stress haze, and so zombie'd out, that all I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and hide from the world. I received this.  A card from Bill.

It seems he's happy to spend more time alone, haha.  Most of all his praises for my hardwork as a Mom.
Motherhood has been my toughest job. 

My most favorite note of all, is finding this from Kali.


If there is one thing I have succeeded in, it's the proper expression of love and compassion.
Two important things that I have taught my kids.
Love letters, and notes fall right next to this.
The gratefulness of me, and those that offer them goodness.

Did you know that I never once cried in front of her?

I held on to Bill, I held on to friends, and I most certainly held on to taking deep breaths.

But I never let those tears fall.  Although many, many times I would walk out of a room mid sentence.
And she knew why.

Bill knew why.
Gianni knew why.
Kris knew why.

But I never wanted her to pick me up.

My job is to push, and praise, and love and nurture.



Happy Tuesday!

Big Love, and lots of high fives!

Stay tuned for tomorrow night!  My lover is taking me on an adventure.....boom!

ps. hint- "It's always better when we're together"

xoxo