There's a little succulent plant that sits on my desk top. It was a relative to one I pulled apart on my porch, making Christmas gifts in December. Cutting little sprigs off, making little cut-lets, if you will...for family and friends. Little gifts that made me so proud. Gifts that offered homemade, instead of the traditional gifts that I tend to walk in circles during my hardest month and holiday to make another person happy. "Trying to find perfection"- And so, this year I did my best to make these ever so popular succulent gifts. Simple. Beauty.
There's that one. Sitting on the desk. And yesterday morning as I sprinkled a little bit of water....I noticed a new tiny blossom. Of life. Of a new bloom.
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I couldn't help but stop and stare for a few seconds. Kind of smiling inside and reflecting of what our new life feels like. This blossom and my son. Each day, offering a shimmer of growth. Of hope. Of goodness of where he is. It's not an easy road. But this tiny little plant...reminded me of him.
Of this chapter. In our story. Most importantly, his story.
We had Lab and Doc day yesterday. Day 75. For some reason I was ahead of myself proclaiming day 76.
That's neither here nor there. Because, really.....It's gonna be 1,775 days and I will most certainly count my blessings that he's still around.
He woke with a gnarly tummy ache. Dry heaves, a tad bit buckled over....on the scale....1-10...it was a 6.
The plan was Kali was gonna do the doctor day. My gut said, no. I would go along. Something I've noticed in this journey....I can't settle if things aren't settled. And so....if mama can help, you best know she will at least try. He also had a rash on the inside of his legs... In other words I'm at basket case at work....trying to talk fiberglass, and invoices + Son at COH = Mama Mess
I'd feed him a steak and egg burrito with cheese, and sour cream in the morning. I kind of chuckle at what I load inside.
Anything calorie filled. Toss it in.
(Back up to Easter Sunday...I had this weird hunch to make steak. Steak and potatoes. I remember a nurse telling me at COH that during her transplant, her counts wouldn't rise fast and someone brought her steak. Bam. Done deal....and so....Steak + Easter = Goodness)
We'd arrive with little sprinkling rainy skies. Those days are Kali's favorites. As we pulled up to drop, she'd offer to walk in with him. He smiles. As they get out together and make their way in, I just watched. From a distance before pulling away. My two K's. Her walking in with him in a chapter we'd never know about a year ago. In fact, I just went into my March 2015 folders and what a switch in life. In one post, Bill and I were walking the beach with Kali. In another I spoke of what a nice dinner I had with Kris. In one, there's a post of Bill and I cruising the harbor at cocktail hour. To think my stresses were worrying about Kali away at school. And of course....work. Business.
How things change.
We'd get to labs. Get to doc. Find out he GAINED 3 POUNDS! The first thing I'd say when we get in the room...how much does he weigh?! 129! Along with his WBC 3.6- His doctor quickly asking "did you get neuprogen"- Which is a boost for white counts. NO SIR! Deep down I thought oh my... RED MEAT! Steak! HOLLA!!!!!!
Platelets are still a tad bit down. Siralimus levels a little high, so I take one of those gray triangle pills out when we arrive home. Also a new test called LDH will be done Thursday to see why the white's are up, but the platelets aren't. He also said sometimes the platelets clump together when being drawn.
His tummy ache will hopefully ease on it's own. Along with the tiny rash-he recommended Aveno Oatmeal lotion-He's down to 1/2 of a prednisone (Steroid) each day.
It's all an ebb and flow. By eliminating that remaining balance of steroid, it kind of lets gvhd step into play.
(Graft Versus Host Disease-you remember it's his new cells attacking the old Kris cells)
I also asked the doctor if he needs to stay on TPN (the IV at night for nutrition) and his words-"Yes, he has to regain what he lost"-
My face --------------------> enter that emoji where the face is looking down- Only, I hide my reaction. And share a smile. ...................o.k. :)
Before leaving his doctor prescribed a syrup for his stomach that helps ease the pain. It's only mixed in one town on the way home. Baldwin Park. It's mixed in two days. Overnight. With Corn Oil.
Yum.
I will pick it up on Thursday, or whomever takes him to doc day will grab that glory....and we'll see how that works.
But, let's talk about last Friday.
Last Friday. A day that we called Good Friday. A day that I wanted to learn a little more of.
The religious part of it. After all, I closed the shop half day for our employees. It felt like such a beautiful day.
A day to worship it's meaning. Our employees that follow Lent. Appreciating closing those big bay doors at noon.
We all did.
Kali was home, and asked if I'd join her, Madison and Shelly for lunch at 1.
I'd love the idea, but asked to give me to 1:30pm so I could run my last shop errands, jamming home to feed my big bird.
After jamming home, and learning that Jen would be there. Kali and I jammed to 2nd Street for Open Sesame for the most amazing lunch.
And white wine.
Soon, Shell would say...."Leese, join us for a duffy cruise this afternoon. It's from 4:30-6:30"
I'd run home, grab my bag. Drop Kali off with her brother and soon be on a boat. With my buddies. Sipping wine.
I mean.....What a way to end the week. Good Friday. Wine. Friends. Sunshine and sunsets.
The cruise ended with my night'n'shinin' armour ---Bill---(Who's been working his ass off )on the dock waiting for me.
LOL. sounds cheesy that way...but twas' really cute. He knew my ride ended at 6:30, and so he'd run his last errand with Kali, picking up her car from le' body shop, and jammed down to me.
Swoon.
We went on like two lovers. Giving my hugs and goodbyes to these chicks that wrapped their love and goodness around my soul. Bill and I moved on to dinner at 320 on Main. Seal Beach. I really needed to get away. To sit and chat. Laugh and sip a cocktail. Pretending like nothing was chasing my tail. Or there'd be a tail to chase.
You get my drift, right?
Sitting alone with Bill has always been a favorite thing to me. Or my babes. Those two things in life.
Saturday morning I'd dash back home. Cooking. Laundry. Medicines. Watching him sleep. I'd make him shower. He'd complain that he was so tired. I'd reply to rest. It was such a beautiful breezy sunny day. Those days where you'd hear the neighbors lawn mower. Birds next to his window, where I placed a bird feeder. Simple peace in our house.
Bill went to work. And so of course I kept busy.
Receiving a text from Carmen. Trying to rally the 6 pack together for dinner.
We'd agree. So Bill and I would ride our bikes to meet up.
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Easter morning rolled around. We woke and I had this strange guilt come over me about Easter.
No baskets for my kids.
Something I've managed to do every single year. Just simple goodies. Not much candy. But just my little offering to them.
But nothing.
They both laughed.
I kept trying to understand the meaning behind Easter. He is Risen- But what does that mean?
Asking the kids. Asking anyone to explain to me.
God has been so good to me.
To Kris.
After running to Whole Foods for our Easter dinner, and spending 60 thousand dollars....jk.
I did get 4 New York Steaks that were out.of.control.
And I don't do steak, often. I am a 3 bites, and done type of girl. But man....
Soon, we'd have my little unit around me. Bill, Kris, Kali, Jen, Tina, Tori and Bucksie....Pure LOVE.
You know those simple days. No big holiday plans for us.
He can't do big crowds.
His words to me driving home, were glorious.
Mom, that was my favorite, I really love when we're all together.
I want you all to know something. Something I've watched through this awful process.
Our family has been pulled tightly together, and closer than we've ever been before.
It's proof that I do believe things happen for a reason.
These last few months have been the hardest months in my entire life.
I've never known the strength I'd have to pull.
Or just how much I'd lean on my soulmate.
My kids.
My family.
And most important, my friends.
I've been literally dizzy at times. And sometimes I don't want to crawl out of bed.
But I do.
Just like I always have.
There's a a plan in place. I know that.
My son is fighting hard and will fight hard for months and months to come.
We will get through this.
Soon, I will move along to some other worry in life. Or maybe, just maybe be able to help someone in need that is walking this walk.
The most important thing here, is love.
I've never loved harder.
Kali recently reminded me, that I've said "Don't know how I did it" when referring to raising them. I truly don't know how I did it. But, like all of us, in everything we do.....we just do it.
It could easily be argued that you love and do because you just have to, where in fact I truly believe that you are on this Earth to spread love and make a difference. And that's something I've always wanted to do-
And right now..... I'm just doing it....
With an army of love behind me----
Because I'm Mama Bird!
Love to you all.....
Keep on going friends....life can be one big scary deal....but keep going.
Pray. I promise you.....just pray.
Peace-
This Mama Lisa
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