Good Morning lovers. I took yesterday off. Waking in the early hours that I do, very grateful. Grateful to be alive. Grateful to have a little home to shelter me. Grateful for my cozy bed. Grateful for the birds I finally heard chirping after the beautiful rain that silenced them. Grateful for my children. For my son and my daughter. Grateful that I have the almost finished gifts on my list. And just like many of you, I ran around last minute. Buying a few things to finish my final sweep. Walking in and out of stores breathing in and out patience. Even when at times I could feel it leave. I had a nice lunch with my sister. I cracked a bottle of wine waiting for Bill to come home. Sipping in my living room chatting with Kali about the party she attended the night before. With the same group of wonderful friends she's had the honor to be surrounded by since 8th grade. Those very friends that all went in seperate directions for college, and yet year after year they all gather for two special friends birthdays. Happy Birthday Kaitlyn and Bianca. You beauties.
I heard the many stories of fun. Of laughter. Of silly. Of beauty. Of gathering of the same kids, just older now. Walking into their twenties. Guys and girls that dress up in their best, to celebrate. Life.
Accomplishments.
I sat staring at my little tree that my friend crafted. Feeling very grateful. And very ready.
I've shared with many friends recently, just how scared I am. Fear. Fear is something that tackles us in the night. It tackles us in the day. It tackles us and punches us in the gut when we're least expecting it.
And so, I pray. I've learned to stop in my tracks and pray.
I've never been a religious girl. I was raised a mere hippy child, with parents that love this Earth. All animals, and karma played a big role in my spiritual path.
I've been taught to do unto others as you expect to be treated. Side note-Act like an asshole, expect...well..haha.-
Sorry, digressing....
Anyway. I've slowed to learn and listen. To the simple parts of life. To those that reach to me, when they probably have no idea, at my weakest. (hello Aunt Ronda and Uncle Wade-second parents to me) who've called, and yet I will bawl the whole time on the phone, and so I am a coward, and can't take the call right then, and can't call right back. They know every.single.part.of.me. Where I've come from. They know my roots. My aunt and uncle sat with me back in 1989 when I was 4 months pregnant with Kris at the ripe age of 19 and played "Every little thing is gonna be alright" by Bob Marley-Because we were headed to a 3 stage ultrasound to see what was on Kris' spine. Everything turned out to be fine, and I soon learned I was having a boy. It's moments like this, and deep thoughtful days that take you right back. Right back to 26 years ago.
I've learned to read every single Christmas card and to sit and stare at each face. Each particle of clothing they picked. Every bit of love they put into sending to me. Every ounce of time put forth. To get it to me. My friend Mary's return sticker has Ziggy. I loved Ziggy as a kid.
We took pictures a few years back. I felt so proud. So proud to finally have a family portrait. More so than ever. I love pictures.
I have high hopes for 2016. I really do.
I've become deep in my spiritual search. I've read more, and prayed more than ever. Remember I used to tell you all that life can change in one phone call? One minute you're gallivanting through life like a boss, and the next moment you are sitting in a corner chair wanting to puke and trying not to faint. It happens kids.
Life gets real fast.
My plan is to walk into 2016 with a new perspective. With God. He's brought US to this mess. He will bring us back out. Look at the beauty thus far. The little mundane moments that we won't let just slip by now. We are constantly distracted in this life.
For the next 10 days I want to soak up the minutes. This life. Together. When and where we can.
I want to stop asking people "do you think everything is gonna be ok"?
Real life is messy. It's humbled me more than I ever imagined. I have FAITH. I want to encourage you. Inspire you. I want to remind you that no matter how messy this life can get, just have Faith. Have faith. Love hard. When you're scared like me, just pray. Look around. Look at the details in the cards. Look at the lights deep in the tree. The ornaments you've held onto. Look at pictures around your house. Of your babies as babies. Look where you've come from. Today I will head to the cemetery to celebrate my Grandpa Ramirez' birthday, as we do every year. A small tradition that I hold so close to my heart these days. I can count on one hand of our family traditions. This is one. There's something about pulling up to see family cars.
Things have a different meaning to me.
My wish for you family and friends is to be still. Slow to look around.
I have my little nest filled with everything I need for now. For the next few months I need strength. I need prayers. We need prayers. We need strength. We have gratitude for this young man giving my son stems that will infilter into his body, and go right where they are supposed to go. 2016 will be the year to nurture a new healing body. For protection. For love.
For life.
I am forever grateful for each and every friend and family member.
You have no idea how your book ends have kept me standing when all I want to do is curl up on my bed. In the safety of my four walls.
I am hopeful we are on the cusp of something different. Something better in this next chapter.
Enjoy your Christmas. Love your loves. Pause to look around. Sip good wine.
There's a full moon, and for the last few days it's been pinching my soul. I feel it. I see it. I remind my family, and they laugh and shake their heads at me.
Be safe, and let things go. Just like the tides.
To you all, Merry Christmas-
Go enjoy the little moments. As cheesy as that quote can be. Please do. Go enjoy life.
We have no idea what tomorrow will hold.
Love, and big blog hugs....
This Warrior Mama Lisa
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