Chapter Nineteen

Well, late this afternoon around 5:30pm; nineteen years ago,  I birthed my littlest bird, well, with the exception, she was birthed and not hatched-ha- After a walk through my local farmers market, I decided the stars I kept seeing weren't quite right, so I drove myself to the hospital.  Where I'd be checked and told my blood pressure was no bueno, and so- "you're gonna have this baby today"- And so I did.  Natural. In solitude. With a request to be left alone.  I labored. Hard. And fast.  I was up within a couple of hours after birthing her.  Ready to go home. All along I knew I was having a girl.  I never believed it by the time I would reach the car after each ultrasound.  I wanted her so bad.
When they handed her to me, with all the hair, I remember thinking, oh my god, I have a girl.

What I didn't realize was the journey she and I would take.  From the next day that I arrived home with her, scared to death..again...of it all.  From trying to learn to nurse, while waiting for milk to come in.  To the many disastrous nights of throw-up, blow-out shit all over her little cute jammies. Leaking boobies and a wet bed.  Boobies so sore, I pity-ed my ancestors for suffering in the fields doing the exact same thing a long long time ago.

What I also didn't realize and learned along the way. The hard way.  Was a love would grow so incredibly deep for her, that I would walk to the end of the Earth.  At any given time. That I would constantly try to help her over come her little qwirks and fears.

How when she was a mere six weeks, would cry every.darn.afternoon with colic. This soon turned into needing a fan to sleep for white noise, which she still uses today.  How I would protect her from the torturous excuses when friends would invite her over for sleep overs, politely making "reasons" why she needed to come back home. lol.

How sucking her thumb was a huge issue for everyone.  Except me. I always knew she'd let go of her thumb some day or the next.  Braces weren't cheap, but her smile always amazes me.
I watched her fall in love. So deep, we all did. And still are in love with him.
I will never forget the day I had to go back to work, at the earliest of six weeks, leaving her, with hopes that she'd even take 2 oz. of my milk from a bottle.
Pumping all day to produce for her all night.
My examples of working hard, doing well, and giving love was just the only thing I knew and could do.

I watch her love animals, and give love to those in need. 

I watched her break down in pure exhaustion from school, sports, and studying.
I watched her pick up pieces that she probably never wanted to pick up again, yet she did. 
I watched her heart fall into a trillion pieces, and stood there with not one word that could glue it back.
"This too shall pass" was the only thing she knew mama would be true about.  
Her determination and mature nature is one to admire.  As they all said of her as a young one..."she's an old soul"-
She's very sensitive. So much so that she covers lights in her room. Any light.  She can't handle rattling, or buzzing sounds.  A fan is her best friend for sleep.
Her main phobia is "throw-up"-
It's been funny watching and hearing her navigate through this while in college. Let's just say, she's turned one ear to it.  Not two yet.

The last year has been interesting for us both.  Changing lifestyles, growing, learning, and branching out.
When I became a mother, especially to her, I never imagined what young adult hood would look like.
I mean, I covered her with all things girly, or at least tried-she's a tom-boy at heart-
But I always wanted her to have matching dresses, and bows. I wanted her shoes to be cute, and her mannerisms to match all of it.
She'd help us with boating better than some dudes.

Never did I realize that the word nineteen would come into our lives this fast.
My little seven pound, hair ball, of a crying, screaming, sensitive, can't put this baby down, would be nineteen.

She's pissed me off so bad, I would want to pull her hair out.
In fact, there were many "tight" braid incidents that she brought on herself for being rude.

She's made me cry, and yell. She's made me make calls in her defense to teachers, counselors, dentists, and doctors.

Her dedication and hard work- HOLLA 4.0 STILL- will pay off.  I admire her desire to move the mountains she's committed to.  One day this will all fall together.

Nineteen will turn to twenty five, thirty...and so on and so on.  I'm just glad I've been able to see nineteen.

Next stop, TWENTY--

Happy Birthday Kali. 

May this day be filled with nice people, good food, and lots of love from the universe. 

So much love,

Mama Bird

Motherhood

“She is the creature of life, the giver of life, and the giver of abundant love, care and protection. Such are the great qualities of a mother. The bond between a mother and her child is the only real and purest bond in the world, the only true love we can ever find in our lifetime.”