Peace & Love: Building A New Body

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Building A New Body

Last night while cleaning up dinner. A dinner for just Kris and I. Biscuits and gravy, with a side of scrambled eggs. Served on trays. On my bed. Trying to keep him just as cozy as I could see he was. His taste buds and stomach are pretty tore up again. (Hello Chemo) But nothing he can't get through. Just like he always does.

I had myself all worked up over the silly TPN. A tired body and mind. And the process to hook him up.

Pulling out that dreaded needle. Those long tubes. I know it's self inflicted, because I am a freak. But I have myself in a nut shell.

I decided to try to make the biscuits and gravy because he had no appetite. It's kind of my staple, and go-to when nothing else sounds good. And, ya...if you think firing up the stove to put biscuits in at 5 o' clock felt delicious and sticky hot. It did.And it sucked---

He ate. Just a little, but he did.

Soon, I'd clear the plates, clean the kitchen up. And decide to break down the med sheet. Finding that one med needs to be cut in half (for blood-pressure)- And it didn't have that little slice divider on it, so cutting with a knife on a paper plate was all the rave.

My patience and mental breakdown was nearing.

He fell asleep on my bed, to soon be woken by mom to move to his room. Offering a shower ~~because I could smell his aroma- LOL~~

I did my nursing stuff. Hooked him up. Took a shower, crawling into bed to have eyes and a body that said..."hello we aren't sleepy"-

I tossed and turned hearing the beeping and rhythm of that iv cart. Only thing, I don't think it was beeping.

My mind raced out of sheer craziness.

I was so scared to be alone with him. After leaving a place that takes such good care of him. He's home on my watch. Something I truly trip out on, is the notion that they leave the responsibility of that iv for me.

Needle. Tubes. IV. I always used to hear stories of "bubbles" getting in the lines...etc. killing people. Ya, have you read that?

And now, I'm hooking my son up. And paranoid all night.

Realizing an hour or so later that I might have left his bedroom window open, I'd sneak back in to close. To walk in with his pale face, mouth wide open and this frail dude sound asleep.

Only thing was.....you know what crossed my crazy ass mind.

SHIT!

So I put my hand on his chest. Breathing bird. Sound asleep.

Walking back to my room.

Prayers of thankfulness and grace.

Waking this morning at 5am to disconnect him. Headed to the gym. Grocery store. Walk with him down the block -hip-hip-hoooorrayyy-!!!

And to the pharmacy. Back home, and now I'm at work.

I put a Tri-Tip in the crock pot, and I can't tell you how much I yearn to eat. Hook him back up to that machine. And.....

Crawl. Into. Bed.

Day Eighty Three.

Just another day to help him thrive. Gain some weight. A good attitude. Lots of LOVE and most of all health!

Happy Taco Tuesday kids!