Peace & Love: Slow Down

It must be said that every Mom is peeking around the corner at Mothers Day with a full heart.

As for me on this particular holiday, on this particular year it sincerely means more to me than all the "almost" twenty seven years. There is a part of this song that talks about holding hands, and holding tight through the years. What my ears heard in the song, was most especially during the tough times.

I started this week with a new view on things. At least I'm trying. Hard. I still cry every day you guys. I hate it. A good friend of mine Erica said "maybe it's all suppose to be that way"- Maybe crying is our outlet. Sometimes I tend to shut out the world. And tuck away. Holding tight to my devotional daily read.

One of the things I'm most proud of in my 46 years, is being a MOTHER. A mother that woke at every little wince they'd make in the night. The mommy that would stand over their bassinet and hope I was doing it all right. I didn't take on breastfeeding as an art, but a fucking nightmare with bleeding boobies for the first 6 weeks. I never quit. I'd nurse her until almost one. Working full time too. I'd chase behind them tackling them down to give razzy's, just like all of you. I'd show up at my son's school during middle school with lunch. Just because. He never pushed me away. I was room mom and soccer team mom for every team they played on. Kris played on one soccer team, one time. His analogy of soccer was "it made his legs hurt"- He loved baseball though. Until he was hit dab-smack in the face. Ending that career.

I would shake a building if stuff wasn't right wherever they were. I'd pick them up at all hours of the night, with no mile a cause for my concern. I'd most always piss off my partner because sometimes I wouldn't listen to anyone. I'd march to my own beat. Especially in mama hood. I'm quite sure mistakes were made.

I'd cry when they'd bring home awards. Or every first day when they'd scuffle out of the car so nervous.

I'd pray that their step-dad and them would bind tighter someday, always better than the days before. I'd yearn to raise children to be self sufficient in life. To be respectful as my number one priority. To be kind to animals, and most important to contribute to society. I'd panic with the thought of one leaving for college, even when best friends reminded me that "its the best thing for them"- I never agreed until this year.

I am a believer. Let them go away. It IS good for them.

I'd fight hard for both Kris and Kali. This year I want to skip away, and cherish moments of what I've accomplished.

In this video there's a part at the end that looks like my niece Tori. Toddling. Then a boy on a bike.

Tears filled my eyes and of course, wah-wah Lisa cried. It looked like Kris at that age.

My kids are extraordinary. To me they are. Thank you for taking this motherhood journey with me.

Whether you're filling in for a mom, or just a plain ol' mama like me, or you're a daddy and it's mothers-day...

this day is a reminder of all the moments.

Most of my friends and followers have grown kids. Most of my friends have watched some move away and get married, or go to college. Some of my friends have become grammies. Some of you have found me through City Of Hope and are fighting the biggest fight of your lives with your child, grown or young. Some of my friends have little ones. Some of my cousins have littles. I am telling you with my heart cut open and healing from being shattered into more than a million pieces.

Let them grow, and do your job to help them fly away....

But cherish every milestone. Most important to cherish every minute on this Earth while they are here.