For Today.

A day I've texted those I love or need, sharing my overwhelming need for mercy.  In friendship and spirit.  

Jumping on Le Cry Baby Train, early Sunday and never jumping off. 

I'm overwhelmed today.  Feeling a little broken down.  Like my engine light just came on. 

A day I will look back on and smile one day while reading through my blog.

Oh, shoot, that was a bad bad week-wasn't it.  And yet I made it through.  

It's nothing in particular.  In my case, it's an accumulation of strength, love and endurance that is breaking.  I break apart every once in a while.  The air gets thick.  The days are long and nights even longer.  I've laid awake this week pondering on all that happens in our life.  Why does one have to suffer through so much sickness all too often (hey Kristopher)- Why does one minute look like silly goose times, to be flipped over in grief.

These are the days where it's hard to mingle with society.  A day I wish I could hide in my room from it all.  A day where a knot is building so heavily in my throat that I have to walk away from my desk or people because tears will fall.  

A broken record to some, and yet to myself, a grieving mom.  A frustrated mom for my son.
A frustrated friend for my friend Sean.
A cheerleader for my family last week.
This week a cheerleader that tossed her pom poms in the trash this week.

The fuckit moments.

My son has been sick since last Thursday.  To some, it's a reminder of him building strength and immunity.  To me, it's a never ending wipe out of weight he gained.  I am literally force feeding him for breakfast and dinner.  Working in between.  Fetching meds, and writing big notes to remind him what to take and when.  

He does not deserve this.  

I stare at his thin frame and wish more than anything he's making the turn for better.  And then the next moment he's having another set of chills. Or cough.  

He's the most positive guy through it all.  Even when I say "take another bite"  he does, and like a toddler it's sitting in his mouth. 

These are the days. 

These are the hard ones. 

As I preach to both birdies...

"This too shall pass"

 This feeling will pass. 


Love is an action word. 

To my best friends and to my sister who I miss because our written pages and chapters are messy.  I love you.  To my parents whom gawd knows even look at my blog, I love you.  To those I've lost touch with while doing life, I hope you are well.  Hang tough.

We are exactly where we should be.  So they say.

Sometimes it looks and feels super messy.


Peace,

Lisa 

A Definition of Love 

“It’s a verb. It’s an active engagement with all kinds of feelings—positive ones and primitive ones and loathsome ones. But it’s a very active verb. And it’s often surprising how it can kind of ebb and flow. It’s like the moon. We think it’s disappeared, and suddenly it shows up again. It’s not a permanent state of enthusiasm.”