Hellllllooooo

Not sure if the Full Moon on Monday left residual dust all over me.  I was a mess Tuesday and yesterday.  The thing about grief is it creeps up at the most awkward times.  Changing my Pandora station at my desk was a good start.  Every single country song allowed huge crocodile tears. 

Here's the thing...I questioned my decision with Abbie.  Did I do the right thing?  Do I have to react domestically or do I let the universe take care of these things.  Do I let Mother Nature run its course?

Did I not give her a long enough time here.  Do the cries from her on the way there haunt me? yes.

And then we have Buckie.  

Didn't eat Monday or Tuesday. Which means the 6 pills he takes every day for his heart went to the way-side.  So we (Kris and I) pondered on the next steps. 

And then yesterday he ate some chicken from his Grammie Renee.  

He also ate a small amount of steak from me last night.  I know, steak..but really, who cares.

Bill looked at me straight in the face and said "you guys need to let him work this one out.."  

(Meaning, don't overreact, let's see how he does)-  

Maybe the gloom is playing a game on me.  Maybe the Full Moon dust. Maybe the stresses of over worrying about every.fucking.thing.I.can.all.day.long.ALLLL.night.long.

Drowning myself with glasses of wine some nights just doesn't cut it.  No bueno. Makes the process of it all much worse.  

And so I just pray.  And work through it. Zombieland most mornings.  Staring off into space some evenings. 

And then we all roll our eyes because it's a cat. It's a dog.  

I can tell you this much, I have a whole new appreciation for those that have lost their pets, put pets down, or tragically lost them by accident.  I am sorry. So sorry.

Let's lighten the mood and how about I toss out some parenting advice for you raising young girls...

I especially love #3 and #19--oh my gosh #21 made me tear up! FREAK. 

1. Get as much sleep as you can before they turn 13, because then the sleepless nights really begin.

2. She isn’t mad at you. She just seems like it because she’s been “on” all day, and you are the only one she can take it out on because she knows you’ll still love her in the morning.

3. Teach her to never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever send a picture of herself to someone, especially a boy, that she wouldn’t feel comfortable seeing on the front page of the New York Times.

4. Like EVER.

5. You’re not fooling them with your casual concern about their social lives. Maybe you should call Lucy and see what she’s doing today? You are their mother and they see right through you.

6. There is nothing too small to brag about at the dinner table. I believe this should be a rule however old and whatever gender your kids are, but I find it has become especially important for girls during the teenage years, when self-confidence is more likely to wane, and judgement-free zones are rare if not completely non-existent.

7. Speaking of the dinner table: Make it a nag-free zone. None of the Did you take that practice ACT? Did you get back to that teacher? Did you put that freaking breakfast cereal bowl in the dishwasher yet? That is what the other 11 1/2 hours of the day are for. 

8. Talk about her period and periods generally from day one so there is no shroud of shame around them. Even when there are brothers and fathers around — actually especially when brothers and fathers are around.

9. Feed your daughters current events for breakfast, play news radio in the car on the way to the softball game, point them in the direction of podcasts and news accounts to follow on Instagram or their preferred method of social media. When you’re a teenager, it’s no longer cute if you can’t identify the Vice President of the United States.

10. Repeat to self: It’s just a phase. They will go through phases. Of clothes, of friends, of liking carbs and not liking carbs; of liking themselves of not liking themselves; of liking you and not liking you. It’s just a phase. It’s just a phase. It’s just a phase.

11. It’s not a flash drive; it’s a Juul.

12. Danger in the pre-teen years: Helicopter Parenting. Danger in the teen years: Lawn Mower Parenting. Resist the urge to clear a smooth path for them unless you want to be the mom or dad emailing their college professors to request extensions.

13. It’s okay that they aren’t learning to code or interning with the A.C.L.U. this summer. They’ll learn more about patience and hard work from bussing tables or loading groceries, and the stories they’ll collect will be waayyy more entertaining.

14. When teaching them to drive, take a deep breath and remember: It’s only a 4500-pound car-shaped missile, what’s the worst that could happen?

15. Even if you are an, ahem, food writer who has devoted a good part of her career to figuring out how to raise healthy eaters, be prepared to come up against some seriously powerful forces — social media, the friend whose entire lunch consists of a celery stalk, the Kardashians — that can erase your efforts overnight. Be vigilant. Never stop making the connection between eating well and feeling good.

16. Social exclusion: Most of the time, it’s more painful for you than it is for her.

17. What the hell is Fortnite?

18. Help her find an escape hatch. Whether it’s a summer camp, a theater program, a lacrosse team, a literary magazine, a dishwashing job, finding her people is huge. Having an outlet outside of school is huger. Realizing that the world is bigger and more interesting than who is streaking with whom on Snapchat is the hugest.

19. It’s more important to listen than to fix. While it’s true that teenagers have always been teenagers, their worlds are different than yours. It’s easy to just dismiss things as “I went through that, you’ll be fine.” But they are dealing with social pressures that we never had to deal with and we owe it to them to try to really listen.

20. It’s fine to speak with your teenage daughters and friends in their language (“lit,” “fire,” “gucci”) to sound like the cool parent that you are – so long as you realize the effect will be exactly the opposite of what you intended. (“Mom, you sound like Michael Scott.”)

21. There will be a day when she gets in a car with another teenager headed who-knows-where and you will be tempted to remind her of every single thing you’ve taught her about good judgment – wear your seatbelt, wear your sunblock, listen to your gut, don’t walk home on that dangerously curvy road in the dark, don’t do drugs, don’t get drunk, don’t get in a car with anyone who’s had even ONE drink, don’t take nudes, don’t send nudes, don’t forget you can call me ANY hour of the night if you need me for ANYTHING LITERALLY ANYTHING — but you will keep your mouth shut and trust that she’s been listening.

Hope this week has been decent for you guys...

Buckie boy is gonna hang in there....he has to.

This Mama Lisa

Happy Friday Eve.