For the last couple of months I've fallen guilty to major scramble brain. There are days where I clear my desk, organize each stack neatly, arrange it to the other side and move on. While other days I rummage neatly through my payable folder like a detailed librarian. And then you have days where making my coffee and getting out the door is a win win situation for all.
Then you add another week of hospital stay, and vacation mind mode (where you kinda lose your mind before a trip and think you need that extra little bathing suit cover up and frantically think you need extra little bottles of anti-frizz hair spray, and travel size silly things, and you're a frugal mo-fo and buying high class in a hurry isn't your gig, so you're even more frantic HAHAHA) When in reality you are going for 2 full days, and just need a bathing suit. And because of the wind....good tight black hair bands. But I had a tiny can of hairspray for frizz. LOL!
And red lipstick.
I worked that red lipstick like a hooker. When in doubt, put on heels and red lipstick. haha-
Kidding.
Well, not really, but I kinda chuckle at myself as I process through those days. I'm far from the sexy type, dangit.
More like a stick-figure.
We had such a fun trip. All the pictures are scattered between gadgets we carried.
Today I worked extra hard on organizing my life here at work. A place that is a second home to me. A place that although hard to get to some days because of ....depression...and only God knows what I go through...it's a place that I have worked endless hours to sell fiberglass parts. I deal with folks around the world. I deal with employees, and they deal with me. Imagine their faces as I try to talk and not cry. Awk.
Today I kind of feel like I'm beginning to grab the bull by the horns.
Yesterday at our doctors appointment, it was clear that Kris is on his way to better. He's suffering from GVHD in his mouth. Some med changes, and blood work for his next visit. (They want to check levels of Philadelphia Chromosome) But as always, she's so happy on his outcome. How far he's come. She always hugs him tight. Hugging me, and kissing my cheeks like an auntie would. LOVE-
Mentioning about maybe him getting back to work. She's in no rush for him but offering if he's ready. She also said he should take as much time, because he has the rest of his life to work. Adjusting his med sheet some more. 2 meds away, yet adding two more. We always stare intently at the screen as I request to see counts. I've mastered these pages at Kaiser. I jot notes down like a reporter. I correct the doctor as I see necessary. Kris quietly sitting on his phone figuring "mom's got it"-
He's still a skinny boy. But great counts. His demeanor nervous, but content. You have your mama and sister there for the field trip. These appointments starting to feel more like a beginning to the end.
We all left there yesterday "hangry"- Jumping back on the freeway at 3, with completely empty bellies. A brother and sister that were on the verge of grabbing each other in a wrestling move. He wanted Fatburger. She wanted a salad. He wanted something quick. She wanted to sit, and enjoy.
I wanted no traffic, food and both of them out of my car, and freed from my eyes. jk
Life is moving along finally.
Work.
Hopeful for good health.
For love to keep pushing me through.
To try and lean away from the grief, and sadness. To look for better days, filled with sunshine and laughter.
Like our little quick weekend away.
I'm learning to look out at the life we've worked so hard to enjoy. To trust God.
To perhaps steer away from the support groups I belong to, because lately I seem to become more frightened by the "what if's".
I still cry every single day, and yet I try to not. The kids laugh at me, and yet I try to laugh at myself too.
The best medicine is to set your eyes on good times. To look around and remind yourself what hard work deserves.
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| The love of my life.....June 2016 |
Tomorrow is Kyoko and Erica's Birthday! My wish to you both, is love, laughter and good food!
Happy Tuesday friends.....
Spread Kindness,
This Mama Lisa
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