Mom, Hold Bucks.

*Raise your hand if you didn't sleep last night and are literally a walking zombie today...

(2014)

Kris and Kali have inherited my silly side, along with the 

desire to capture photos of all things they love.  Kris more so than Kali, but she's still camera ready.  Only difference, it's always her cellphone versus his big camera.  Don't get me wrong, they both ALWAYS have their phones in hand. (Dad's only rule, it must be put away at dinner, or when we're all sitting around visiting).

Yesterday my request for Mothers Day was to have a late lunch at our local spot called "Harry's"-  Its a laid back burger joint, that offers a second level balcony with sunshine, outdoor seating, dogs allowed, plastic chairs, and mimosa's.  We eat, and then stroll on the beach home. 

In this case, we ate, (got so lucky to have scored a table) place was packed because of the annual Mothers Day Craft fair in the Green Belt there in Sunset Beach.  

Kali always goes with the flow, but deep down she wanted to shower me with a beautiful brunch at a seaside restaurant.

Harry's.  A turkey burger for Bill and I.  And a shared BLT with Avo for Kali and Kris.  A side of fries donned the middle of the table.  Ranch always a player in our game. 

The sun came out the minute we sat down.  Making the shaded spot we got lucky with extra special.  

Mother's Day. 

Wearing the T-Shirt they bought me before we headed out, Kris said "Kali come outside so we can get a picture"-  

Mother's Day 2019

Soon, he'd ask dad to snap some of us.  A moment in time with their arms wrapped around my waist, long enough for my perfectionist Bill to make sure the focus mode was working just right, allowed a longer hug between the 3 of us.  Feeling Kris' shaky hands on my waist.  The smell of Kali's lotion. My birdies.  Kris quickly stating he wanted Bucky in the picture.  We know all too well his time left here with us is moving in a direction none of us want to accept. 

Diagnosed with a heart condition last year, with new meds added last month.  Dr. Grant explaining to Kris to be ready for the day of heart failure.  So we love on him a little more. We carry him in our arms, and pull him in wagons.  

Mother's Day. 

Smiling through all the Instagram posts' all you amazing humans posted to your mom. Wife. Sister. Growing tears in my eyes as I read a girlfriends post that just lost her mom. Sitting at her grave missing her deeply.

Mother's Day means so much to me.  For the acknowledgment of the love they feel from us. 

The words Kali writes to me.  The hug from my son.  

Motherhood isn't an easy task that's for dang sure.  And many times throughout the years I often wonder if I was failing at the task I signed up for.  

One mom does this, and I was doing something else.

Feeling honored yesterday that I have them with me.  The shirt they bought me that says "Mama" on it in bold font. 

I am MAMA. I am so lucky to be called that. 

I hope your day was special.  The moment when Kris said "Mom, hold Bucks"- I know why. 

I know our days are numbered with him.  I know they're numbered with me. And them. 

It was such a beautiful day with my crew. 

Even at a burger place, on a balcony patio..with two dogs, leash intertwined around the table.  Spilled root-beer, slow service, happy mom faces all around.  

A walk back on the beach alone with Bill- As Kris drove with Kali back so she could get her groove on for her new work week.  Kris wanting to come back with the wagon for Buckie-Boy but I would squash the idea because too much sunshine on Kris, and crowds and wagon with two dogs just seemed no Bueno.  

Bill and I walked back on the beach.  Back to our nest.

Ready to take on another full, fruitful, loving and hardworking week!

Hope you had a beautiful weekend!

This Mama Lisa

Took a cruise in Kris' VW Bus to Home Depot on Saturday to grab some flowers, lattice and a few household things, and yes I ride in the back with the pups as he continued to take more and more pictures of me.  My initial thought was -- ohgawd, I have no makeup on, hair pulled back (again)-  And then I remind myself....these are the days.  He's capturing picture of the woman he loved first.  Her wrinkled stained cheeks.  Her gray hairs. Her strong heart and hands. This woman that will love him more than any other human.  

Sitting next to the little fur balls we love so much.  Together.

The mom.

(May 2015)

AKA-  Mama....

Mother's Day Weekend 2019

Words To Chew On.

Stand up straight.

Put on more lip gloss.

Happy Saturday. 

Shower and pull it together-

Remember, this life is too fast.

Love, and then keep loving harder. 

Lisa Lynn

My Perspective On Motherhood.

The seedling inside of us grows to be more than just a human to others. 

It is a life long lesson sent to us for a life long lesson in teaching.  

In nurturing.

In exposing the deepest parts of us. 

It's saying no to things we want to say yes to.

It's taking the risk of losing a child.

It's showing up for things we'd be apprehensive in joining had those seedlings never blossomed.

But we went.

We go.

We stand taller when the tides push them.  

Our fears and faith in their choices often collide, and yet we still wave a pom-pom for each trial and error.  

My protective gear growing more tattered, but will never come off. 

Motherhood.

Some still have one, and some have never had one.

My mom gave all she was taught to.  She still does.  Although our relationship isn't portrait perfect, I always appreciate the woman she is.  Through it all she stayed around to do what she knew best in motherhood.  She still does. 

Part of motherhood is learning from things you would want different.

And so you parent different.

You love different.

You protect different.

We're also handed different books. Different birdies.  Different scenarios.  

Motherhood.

Laying awake at night with ideas to help settle THEIR souls.  Their worries are mixed onto you.  Because that's just what moms do. 

Then there's women that can't have babies.  That struggle with the questions fielded to their newly wedded bliss.  And yet, no babies in sight.  Could be health.  Could be higher powers.  Could be their decision to not bring kids into this world.  

It's not something that DOESN'T cross most women.  While watching my sick son wither in pain in a hospital bed, I truly felt such remorse for bringing him into this tainted sick world. 

Motherhood.

Standing in lines, waiting for appointments to help a sick child.  

Doing everything in your power to not shred the soul of anyone that hurts them.

The nights of helping with homework when you had no idea what you were even staring at.

The MANY nights of making last minute runs to Staples, Target or whomever was open to get that posterboard for a best friends birthday acknowledgment on a fence before 7am.

The school activities (aside from soccer "favorite of all time") were really just torturous. lol

Motherhood. 

I have a rocking chair that sits next to my desk made from solid oak.  A gift from my aunt and uncle Wade and Ronda.  I stare off in space at it some days....to think back 30 years ago, my shoulder bones rubbing the back at the tender age of 19.  Sore from trying to figure out nursing.  Sore from being up all night.  Yet staring down at this little boy that needed me so much.  His little potato bug face smiling back at me at 2am.  The love.

Motherhood.

The picture I have on my desk of Kali standing at the beach with a shovel takes me back to those salty days on the sand. Her little braids or buns pulled back tight with bows.  The sandy mess she was and yet her thumbs freshly cleaned by her mouth. 

Motherhood.

3 years ago I frantically carried a bag back and forth to a hospital for the fight for my sons life. 

Disgustingly enough I had to come to terms with many awful decisions and thoughts every.single.day.  Paperwork a mother would sign relieving her sons rights for his health, back into mine.  Something that never went away, but the legality of the process was necessary.  

Talks I had to have with him, my first born, that no mom should have to do.

But we did.  And we both know that the fight against cancer is scary and ugly.  The outcome isn't always what we want.  As a matter of fact, more times than not I would see moms wailing in a hallway.  Knowing all too well this process could always still be handed back to him. To me. 

Motherhood.

A daughter that accomplished college, graduating at the top of her class.  Navigating back to Seal Beach with Grant, to start a new career in a new place next week.  A position ranked high, making the pressure board boil a bit.  But not anything she can't handle.  The GRIT that goes behind what she's capable of,  hands out the jitters simply because of the "anticipation" more so than the actual task.  She'll fly to Georgia to train on her own in a couple of weeks.  Just like all the new teams she played on. Or the classrooms, professors, or speeches she had to give.  She'll handle it like a boss. 

Motherhood.

I will stand tall behind the scenes as I always do.  Waving my cheer-leading pom-poms when I can without too much pomp-n-circumstance, because that girl isn't even into "high-fives"- And if you don't believe me, try it next time you're with her and just watch the awkwardness she'll offer you.

#teamnohighfive 

Motherhood.

Teaching them to do things on their own, when you've washed, folded, cooked, baked, planted, rinsed, packed.....all these years.

You hope to hand over the baton.  

Sinks aren't as clean, laundry a tad bit wrinkled. Cars a little dirtier, but they're taken care of because dad teaches them this. 

Motherhood.

The back bone to the family.

The planner. 

The lover.

The quiet weeper.

The cuss-word slinger under-your-breath pro.

Motherhood.

To those that enveloped my sister and I, thank you.  To my aunt Cece and my Auntie Lynda...thank you.  For teaching us manners in Chinese restaurants.  For driving in traffic to pick us up.  You molded two little girls.  To my aunt Ronda that taught me a thing or two about raising kids and how to pick up a house in lickety-split time.  To wipe a babies face before the rest of their body. 

Friends that become a second mother to you....

My biggest blessing, and my biggest accomplishment.   

To the man that always let me do my thing.  Of the role in Motherhood. You've stood back during times of their punishments.  Mostly, you let me be me.  When many times you wanted things different, you just observed.

Happy Mothers Day weekend to those that have stepped in to this role (Kerri)

Happy Mothers Day to those that screwed up, but are making up for lost time.

Happy Mothers Day to you new moms. Buckle the hell up. LOL.  not kidding.

Happy Mothers Day to the dads that stepped into this place.  #HERO

Happy Mothers Day to me. 

"Don't Blink"

Cause when your hourglass runs out of sand
You can't flip it over and start again
Take every breathe God gives you for what it's worth

Don't blink
Just like that you're six years old and you take a nap and you
Wake up and you're twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife
Don't blink
You just might miss your babies growing like mine did
Turning into moms and dads next thing you know your "better half"
Of fifty years is there in bed
And you're praying God takes you instead
Trust me friend a hundred years goes faster than you think
So don't blink

Have a great weekend my friends....I can finally hear rain....

Love from an imperfect, hard loving mama,

This MAMA Lisa / Warrior / Pro Worrier  /  For life!

Just so glad I don't have to sit through any more Christmas Programs at elementary school--
Back to School Nights, Open Houses, blah blah blah.  #rudemom #HAHA

Strict orders to my kids for my duties as Grammie. 

Please don't invite me, I've paid my dues. 

kay,bye...

LOLLL!!!!

Thursdays Truth.

Read this.

Then read it again.

Quite sure it speaks to all of us.

Happy Thursday! 

Love from me.

A glorious mess of love, pain, goodness and joy-

This Mama Lisa

Little Do We Know.

Took a dip back into the memory pool last night.  Old pictures. Memories of the days I managed to slide through.  Raising kiddos and enjoying the moments together as we could.

A firm reminder of just how quick the months flip on a calendar.

The moments someone probably whispered to me "enjoy them, it goes by fast"

But I was too busy working, driving, cooking, cleaning, planting, planning, teaching, learning, and living-

A rhythm of motherhood none of us plan out the way it actually rolls out. 

Our daily protective ways changing with the seasons.

Not knowing how life would unfold.

The changes a family would make.

What we would endure.

Incredible.

If only we knew.

Better yet, maybe it's good we didn't know.

Beyond grateful he is still here with us.

The strength of what a hug would entail years later. Not knowing just how deep a love would grow.  

My best friend for life.

Digging deep into trenches.

Through it all.

Still the silly, yet protective one in the house.  He has watched me evolve into a beast when in crisis.  Loving harder than I ever imagined could be possible. 

He'd stand next to me in silence as we both figured it all out.
Sometimes he would take my place next to a hospital bed because I cowardly couldn't handle a second more.
Strength.
And sometimes not.
Chapters.

Love.

Health.

Crisis.

Friendship.

Laughter and lots of tears.

Sleepless nights in prayer. 

Forever protecting my unit.

My nest.

My family.  My everything.  Through good times and bad.  

Before a head full of grey hair and when white sunglasses and eyebrows not penciled-in existed.

Little do we know just how fast the years would come and go....

Cheers to making more memories--

In a place that takes all the gloom away--

Forever and ever amen. 

Happy Wednesday!

Where's the sun?

This Mama Lisa

My Thoughts.

Last week I had dinner with my friend Kyoko.  We talked about the things you learn as you get older. 

You know the whole "the older, the wiser we become"?

Such is the truth in this life.

And I see it and hear it daily.

Someone easily scoffing their nose in the air at something they've clearly done themselves.

Usually it's the religious folks that poke the hardest.  Or, the "sober" ones.  

Forgive me if you're perfect.

Teach me your ways.

*insert smiley face. 

So here's the thing.  Just stop for a second before you point fingers. 

...Stay in our lane?

WE ARE ALL Hypocrites.

We just are.

It's an innate personality in the human-being if you ask me.

So a lesson for today....Go easy on yourself.  Remember those around you aren't perfect either. 

And if they proclaim to be....watch out, and stand back. Their ugliness will always prevail.

Been really pondering on these subjects lately...

Don't be a hypocrite.  

And NEVER SAY NEVER.

How's your week going so far?

I've been buried per usual....

Phones. 

Emails.

Paper.

Sooo much paper.

LOL!

Happy Tuesday!

Can't wait to see my girls tomorrow night!

This Mama Lisa

One Of The Six Pack.

For those that know us, know we've been bound with the Six-Pack for over 20 years.  What started as neighbors eventually grew into a life-long friendship.  A friendship that tops the mark and highlights of shared chapters in this life.  Through love, loss, travels, drunkenness-lol, dancing, and lots of changes in our pages ...together.

 The Six Pack!

The older we get, and the longer the six-pack are together, the more we clink glasses while staring eye to eye with almost a glare of history.  An acknowledgement of sorts through it all.  We've held eachother up with good wine, sometimes stashed down in a sailboat eating dinner and dessert (Blueberry Muffins from Randy-LOL inside joke).  We've danced the night away on New Years Eve, and blasted across the Pacific to Catalina as fast as any boat would allow because Bill and I would quickly grow green.

We've shared meals at each of our homes, (mostly The Turks because RussellRussellthelovemusselisakickasscook)-  We've swam in pools late at night being shussshed by Carmen because it was after curfew and the Fireball Shots made us a little too loud. 

We've traveled to destinations that would allow wine tasting, winding roads, and quick lunches with my parents.

We've shared walkers when someone has surgery.

We've hugged tight when the grief cloud covers any of us.

Last month Russ shared what we thought was the "craziest" idea....of sailing half way around the world.  Venturing out in a "kinda" big enough Catamaran....

But still....

I sat in silence listening to his pondering.  Same with Carmen.  

Bill and Randy firing off logical questions about all things sailing. Water conditions, latitude, longitude, experience, Catamaran's, humans, satellites, GPS's or lack of....etc. 

I quietly sat there thinking...No Russ, this sounds wild...

Weeks later, he announced to us....He's going!

So join me in a big round' of applause for RUSS!

I've attached a link if you want to follow along...

Russ' Sailing Adventure

There are a ton of facets to consider when sailing across the Atlantic.  For any ocean for that matter.

We had a BonVoyage dinner Tuesday night to give our hugs, state our blessings and prayers.

I mean, the last time we went sailing with those Turks, it looked a little somethin' like this. 

LOL

2 knots, in the harbor.  At midnight. On a warm summer night to boot--

HAHAHA!

I have no doubt he'll return next month with a filled soul.  Parched skin, stories for weeks and weeks.

I know he has the strength in him to endure Mother Nature, in all her glory.

Afterall, he's skilled to the max....

I sent him with a Cross that was blessed and given to Kris in the hospital during those first days. 

I asked that he snap a picture when he makes it to the destination, and share it with us later.

If there is one skilled Sailer, it's Russ. 

"Thought is the wind, knowledge the sail, and mankind the vessel"

Cannot wait to hug him and have a return dinner too!

Love, and lots of prayers---

Bill and Lisa- Two Of The Six-

Coming In To Friday, Like....

I see my auntie Susie in my eyes. I see my cousin Mike too.  I see a big bucked tooth.

I see straight hair.

What happened to that?!

I see a strong little girl.

I see Friday like it's the best F word all week.

And I've said a few under my breath.  And maybe more out loud.

I hope you all have a great Cindo De Mayo weekend!

Cindo De Quattro party for us-

Tequila on the menu....should be a shitfestofagoodtime.

just kidding.

We are planning on sipping on water.  

just kidding again.

Skirrrt skirrrrt....

HAHAHAHA!

XOXO

This Mama Lisa

Nineteen Eighty Three

The year of embarrassment because of the truck my dad drove.

A 1960 something super ugly Ford. 

Every fender a different color.

Camper shell that definitely did not match any part of that truck.

The Lisa in me never wanted to hurt his feelings as he pulled up to my school so I would wait until the last minute to say "Dad, you can just drop me right here"

Most kids in that neighborhood were dropped off in a Mercedes, wearing Izod Lacoste. LOL!

Every time I sell a bedcover for one of those trucks I laugh so hard inside.

Little did I know it would be a collectible one day.

I think it made me a better person.

No flat irons in sight as you can see, but I wanted to rock a ribbon like it was my business.

Mascara was not an option as we weren't allowed to wear make-up, so coming home one day with pink eye often made my dad suspect I was putting "eye junk" on at school.

He was right.

I had pink eye more than any girl I ever knew.

The age where you danced at middle school dances to Journey holding your arms over the nape of 

your crush as he held on to your hips.  That feeling when the light dimmed and the music started was just over-the-top at this age.  #hormones.

I look at this picture and think back to the strong but silly parts of me.  Always a joker, but mostly the spicy one that tried to keep our family in check.  

Appreciating my moms meals and dinner all together and praying that each night would allow a drink-less night from our dad.  #crazymike.

I was the one that would shut the whole panel off (power) in our homestead, - because crazy Mike would blast his stereo and play his guitar until late hours of the evening on a school night.

None of us wanted to approach the beast, so I just flipped off the circuit. LOL!  But NOT LOL at the time. I can remember plopping back down on my bed just waiting for him to waltz on down into our room. 

My bestfriend Catherine had a normal home in Downey, so I would make all possible arrangements to stay there all weekend. 

Middle school.

A teenager.

Didn't know what was in front of her at the tender age of 13.

She wasn't into TV, or being inside.

Was really into kids and babies.

Nineteen Eighty Three-ish.

How bout' them beads. 

And I know you wish you had those spiral earrings.

Don't get started on those bangs.

This Mama Lisa

Little Lisa.

Little Lisa.

Wise beyond her years at this point.  The girl with a major staring problem (still have one)-

Loved that little owl pendant on my chest. Filled with Avon perfume.

Was super nosey.

Moved from Westminster, CA out to Riverside CA with our little family, and family dog named Toby. 

Parents took me to Knotts SCARY Farm and allowed a monster to pull me by my braids into a pretend cave.  A reason I've never gone back. gross place.

Loved to play out in the middle grass area with the neighborhood kids until sundown.  

A place that will forever hold a "interesting" place in my heart.  

An empty refrigerator box left for us kids would give us HOURS of fun.

I fell super hard on my bike at this age and still have the gash scar on my knee.  (was staring at it in our cove in Havasu and was reminiscing on how fast this life is and what our body endures)

I worried alot at this age and yet had no idea how my life would unfold.

I can remember the lunches I would eat at school, and the smell of the metal lunch pail by days end (sour) but can never remember any Kindergarten or 1st Grade teachers name. 

This little girl camped in some of the best places in Southern CA with her parents, and yet had some of the most trippy-est experiences with those same parents.  #whatdoesntkillyoumakesyoustronger

Pictures.

A gift I will forever be grateful my parents sent me.

My aunt Ronda gave me a gift this past week, and inside was my Flintstones childhood book with my signature on the inside.  

Maybe I'm trying to recover and get some acknowledgement of childhood, or maybe it's finding the best parts of the first "series" of our lives to better set up the second part of our lives.

We aren't guaranteed tomorrow, so we have to step up for what makes us feel good today.

If it's pictures.  Books. Or spending time with those we love.

Keeping love in front, and the memories.......

Whether good or bad, tucked safely in our back pockets.  Sometimes pulling them out now to remember the good ones.

Love to those that love me,

This Mama Lisa

PS- Happy Birthday Grandma Ramirez-- I know she won't see this, but just my token of love to the most beautiful grandma on this Earth.  Her charisma and stroke of beauty never went unnoticed. Her desire to keep us girls out of the sun didn't always pan out the way she'd like, but I do think of her  every morning while putting slippers on. Can't abide by the barefoot summer days, but I do think of her while walking the early morning hours in socks or slippers. Mija, put something on your feet...

PSS- Happy Birthday Shari Lynn- My high school best friend, and confidant.  The girl that made me laugh the hardest while in school.  Del Taco runs during lunch was everything.  I hope you and your critters have such a great day...you deserve it!  Your mama is staring down wishing she could make you some chips and dip and love on you, especially on this day.  

Happy Fifty Fucking Something....

XOXO