Eighteen Months

Eighteen months.

A long day filled with traffic like we'd never seen.  Moments with Bucksie boy that we won't want to recall anytime soon.  Lets just say poop, Sunset Blvd and crosswalks. boom.

I tried to work a little in the morning, which was against what Kris really had planned. He'd hoped we'd be on the road by 9.  With an appt at 10:30ish, I totally thought we'd be fine. 

Wrong. 

The 101 had 2 lanes open.  

We took streets from East LA, to Hollywood.  This was after the 710 bullshiz merging onto the 5fwy.

Farters!

It took close to 2 hours. 

My heart and soul was content because I'd already navigated through labs the night before.  Learning what numbers and markers to cross off, and others to sit back and exhale with sincere gratitude. 

My son.

Our main concern this trip was the amount of weight Kris has lost.  Along with a quest to possibly switch oral chemo's he takes. 

We'd wait another hour in the waiting room after arriving.  My patience running thin, I always watch the vibe of Kris.  He never becomes impatient.  Quickly reminding myself of these two lovers in my life.  They're here.  We're sitting there.  

 

Soon we'd be in the room with hugs from her.  Her excitement to finally meet his doggo.   Going over numbers.  Meds.  Labs. Future appts.  Weight.  Checking his mouth, lungs and always always praising him for how far he's come. I can't help but smile inside. 

We're switching up chemo's.  Labs per my request in 2 weeks. (last time he took this one, his counts got sideways).  Video appt next month.  Long list of meds he still must take (he's trying to wean the last bit of every-other-day Prednisone) He'd receive another 2 more vaccinations.  Both of which I still question (last time he felt like shit 2 days later)...

We'd soon be out the door.  Kind of rushing to the car at 1pm, because we both know too well just how yucky the drive home is.  We stop at our traditional lunch spot (Fat Burger- DON'T JUDGE KIDS) 

So thankful he's all good.  We'll work on weight.  We'll work on the chemo doses, and just how to keep his tummy settled.  

Today is Friday.  

This morning I woke, with my checklist of worries (I KNOW YOU GUYS, I HATE IT)

And there was one less worry. 

One less, panic of things.

He's here.

Labs are good. 

Eighteen months.

From the first few months. 

To Eighteen months. 

May you all have a sweet weekend doing whatever it is that makes your heart and soul full.

Just be good, and be kind to animals. 

When you think life is hard, look around.  So many are fighting a fight harder than I HOPE you'll ever know.

Lots of love,

This Mama Lisa

A Week Away, But Not Really

I took a week off.  Not really completely from work, but rightfully so, it was a much needed breather. 

The start of the week rolling into The Fourth Of July celebrations. From one day to the next it was simply bliss. No where to be, and no commitments.  My cause for celebrations alone.  In order of these pictures, it went a little something like what you see.  Bill and I snuck out in the little boat pictured below. Where he referred to our stop as "taking a leak", which he is correct, however if I'm not mistaken, we don't take leaks, we "tinkle".  And I don't want to share where I tinkled because you'd be disgraced with me.  Let's just say this place is under construction.  And ain't no sissy of a girl here who doesn't accept a challenge of tinkling behind a stack of wood.  Behind a building. Where a security guard sat a mere 50 feet behind me watching a tv.  

#getitgirl

#wheresmymargarita

#staycationforlife

The next day we'd roll onto the sand with my posse.  Our friends, and their friends.  Just one big red, white and blue fest.  Tis' was a good time.  IF my wine eyes, and hat that I got in the dollar bin at Target doesn't shout "partayyy", well then I don't know what does.  

 Our babies.....All 21 now....

 Where salt meets the camera, and love meets the hugs.  Where friends gather to smile, laugh and share good wine.  Where you leave your cares behind, and gather with those you love. 

 There's a new juice bar in town.  It's organic, which sells to my soul.  This is their back patio.  A patio of which we sat chatting with the owner.  Sharing stories of our kids.  The grind in business.  The hustle in slowing down, yet pushing hard to succeed.  If any of my local peeps pass by Devynn's Florist on PCH in Seal, stop in.  You won't regret.  And order the "Beet Street"-  Your body will thank you.  I promise. You're welcome. Don't worry, I got yo' back. 

 I walked alone on the beach all the mornings.  A dreary start, and yet the air was filled with warmth.  With sand.  With a soft breeze.  And lots and lots of birds.  My favorite. 

I planted flowers.   

 And tended to a mama bird I have living up high..... (Beet Street Juice pictured to the top right)

By Thursday morning we'd scoop up our mom from the airport.  Shuffling her to my sisters home.  Soon landing at my auntie Lyn's wedding Friday.  

 Grandma Pam 2017

We'd celebrate Lynda and Harry on 7/7/17-  Dancing the night away..... 

 At one point I grabbed my son out to dance.  Staring at him with all eyes filled with hearts.  

What a difference this year is.  What a difference life offers us. 

Although I stepped away from my desk for those days, I still lean in and view from the outside.  I loved the moments with family.  With friends.  With my kiddo's.  I loved the moments with my mom. And aunties.  Hosting an unexpected dinner for everyone last Saturday.  Taking a glimpse around with cousins from Chicago sitting on our patio.  Standing in our kitchen as I hear my aunt and mom chat about life. My uncle sitting across from me on the dock. Smiling with his beautiful smile, and fun spirit.  The moments you don't tally as special until you crawl into bed that night and wake the next day realizing just how beautiful it really was.  And is.

Family.

Friends.

Life. 

Back to the grind this week.  The last couple of days pulling my hair back in a bun just to kick ass and do what I have to do. 

Sending Kris off to labs this morning because tomorrow we head back to Hollywood to hug our favorite doctor.  

Reading these labs at noon today with sweat beading up on my forehead, and underarms.  Because what else does a momcologist do with labs.  She navigates through them, smiles when it's good, and reports to her birdie.  

Everything looks good. WBC's a little low, and so I remind him to steer clear of sick people, along with sharing "things".  He sends a smile back in text because he knows I nag when I need to, and just how important my words are.

This is life.  

And just by looking back at the last week of my life, I'd say it's pretty darn beautiful. 

Happy Week To You All.....

Much Love,

This Mama Lisa

Setting The Vibe For Happiness

Any good plans for The 4th?  Ours will include a bikeless bike ride with our posse' (You see, me and my crutch racer will stop at the destinations via le' automobile)- Tis' will be a couple days filled with laughter, love and lots of fun moments.  I hope I'm surrounded by my birdies, and most important I hope to see the world a happier place, made with forgiveness, smiles, hand shakes, and most important, big hugs.  I'm quite sure we'll hear alot of glasses clinkin' filled with organic fermented grape juice. 

My weekend will include reading a new book I indulged in buying last week.  Moments sipping coffee by the water side with nothing to hear but seagulls.  My weekend will include making the mama snacks I always love to prepare for my little family.  My weekend will include reminiscing on the good parts of our life, letting go of the hard ones.  Just like last year as those rockets blew up in the air, I kept envisioning the bad vibes blowing up and away....

Our aunt (Hi Lyn!) is finally tying the knot. The youngest of 6.  She'll tie the knot on 7/7/17-  A day of which I will be with my mom, our aunts, and our only uncle whom will walk her down the aisle, we'll be with cousins and most important, our grandmother. That dance floor will see some sweet goodness, that's for darn sure. 

My weekend will include appreciating the days I took off.  Although I will work from home, and most likely go into my office when no one is around, because, well....r.e.s.p.o.n.s.i.b.i.l.i.t.i.e.s.  

If you have animals, protect those little sugars.  Illegal firework asshole people are out there, and truly don't respect animals, service members whom suffer from ptsd, or anything else for that matter.  

#Sparklersforlife

Whatever you do, go in peace.  We have so much to be grateful for.  First and foremost, the brave men and women out protecting our country.  

My song for you...

THESE ARE THE DAYS....

Grateful Always,

This Mama Lisa

And may this new healthcare bill NOT pass.  PLEASE LORD ALMIGHTY, PLEASE...

For the elderly, for the sick, for the poor.
Good riddens, stop this crazy train--

Pictures Of Recently Enjoyed Moments

Well the reason I love this one so much, are the BLUES.  All the blues....LOVE LOVE!

And below is what you will find in the gym of these two birdies...both on their phones. HAHA!

(jk, I asked Kris what he was up to last week-the response-cuties...)

 My grand-dawger's holding hands.  LOVE!

My best friend and soulmate at LB Yacht Club.  Our Wednesday tradition thanks to Maria Herring.  One of which I look forward to all winter long. Especially these last couple weeks with the warm ocean air....

Happy week to you friends....

Make the best of it. Even if you're trudging through mud.  Keep going.  

I hope you feel safe, and I hope you feel loved. 

Even if it's your animals.  Love is love.

Don't forget to pass out smiles--

They're free!

Love,

This Mama Lisa


"The Cure For Anything Is Salt Water- Sweat, Tears, Or The Sea"

Have A Beautiful Weekend

My sister sent me this video last night.  I hope it makes your heart just as full as mine.
 It's apparent in this life we always make our way back to mama. 

Have a beautiful weekend....

Our includes nothing.  Which is exactly what I yearn for. 

Work hard, rest harder.

Baby Elephant Chasing Birds

Be safe, and be kind. 

Uncle Alex, my prayers always include you. 

Happy Weekending Friends,

This Mama Lisa

It's Teachers Like This.

Last Sunday night Bill and I tucked in early, as we've started this new routine that includes a good meal, a quiet chill vibe, home by ourselves, as we watch one of our favorite shows.  

60 Minutes.  A few of its topics made my heart skip a beat.  If there is one thing in this world that children need, is nurturing care. Coming from a peer that truly, and whole-fully cares. 

I hope you enjoy this as much as we did.  

Chess Instill New Dreams- 60 Minutes

If you care to witness true humanity, while keeping politics and hate out of the picture, watch this. 

If you can't handle sadness, war, and the heartbreak that follows, don't watch.

To me, these are the humans that are forgotten.  By us.  Americans.  

The White Helmets

I hope this week has been full of peace for you all.  I've been busy scheduling Kali's departure to Italy. Working in my fiberglass land and all that comes with that. 

We'd learn a good family friend was in a boating accident, but will survive. Just sad of the hardwork, and dreams that went into something. More than material, how his spirit feels. My uncle in the hospital with a stroke-like deal going on, and still trying to get the right answers. Hospital stays just outright suck.  They totally, 100% just do.  Uncle Alex, I'm sorry. 

My Kris who is thriving, and just started the process to get his Captain license.  That is a big deal in our home.  Something his dad really pushes and nags him about every time we see him.

To my Kali whom is navigating flights, layovers, the early stages of being away and knowing homesickness will set in, so she's trying to deal with it now.  Little side note worth mentioning- She'll be about an hour flight away from our donor in Germany.  If only money grew on trees.

Imagine our family flying there to meet him next year, to then head to the region of which Kali will call a second home for a bit. Awesome. 

Much love to you.  Remember these moments today, you'll never get them back. Even the hard shitty ones, just keep in mind, those make you better and stronger later. You just can't feel it now. 

Spread love and kindness.  Most especially smiles.  YOU can change the hate in this world. 

 

To The Fathers.

Of all species and of all mankind.  Those called Dad.  Or Daddy. Or Papa. 

It's your day. 

 

To those that stepped into the game midway, or late in the game.  For those that sat in Christmas programs wanting to pull your eye lashes out. For those that changed shitty diapers overflowing onto clothes. For those that paced the halls waiting for a child to be born. For the tears that streamed down your face as those first cries wailed out.  For those that cried at the first milestones. For those that stayed up late to greet the child returning from a date, or dance. For those that attended meetings at schools, and back to school nights.  For those that helped them learn to ride a bike.  For those that stood patiently along the sidelines of a game, trying hard to not lose your cool if your child didn't get the right amount of play time.  For those that wished upon the stars, or to God to save your child from the C word.  For those that yelled profanities out of frustration under their breath versus to their face.  For those that cried over all "the firsts".  For those that sat shotgun teaching a teen to drive. (huge kudo's). For those that navigated through college applications. For those that walked your daughter down the aisle as you handed her off.  For those that taught a boy to fish. Or to mow a lawn. 

Or to check the engine of a car.  Or in our case, had the patience of teaching a busy boy to change oil in a boat without losing your shit--(not that I know by experience or anything)

To my father, whom will receive just a letter and a card this year from his baby daughter.  The one that tested and pushed all the buttons.  For those of you that don't know the younger Lisa, I was a handful.  But so was he.  

I didn't get a gift this year, simply because the days got the best of me, and I seriously didn't get my shit together.  I sent him love.  On paper.

To you mothers out there pulling a double and doing daddy duty too.  I raise two glasses in the air to you.  Because, I am living proof, it's doable, even though looking back, howinthehelldidwedoit.  

Happy Fathers Day weekend friends. 

I hope the sun shines softly, the wind blows just right, and that whatever cool drink floats your boat, is in your hand.

To Bill.  To the man that stepped in to me as three.  Thank you.

Glad I could teach you a thing or two about patience.  Juuuust kidding. You own more patience than any man I've ever met.  So many times I feel like the luckiest girl sitting next to you. 

To Kris, you're a good doggo daddy.  Those puppers are lucky to be loved by you. 

Big love, and remember to step away from that little screen in your hand.

Look up, this life is pretty beautiful..

This Mama Lisa

This Guy Though.

Hola Amigo's and Amigettes....

It has been a long time coming since I've done one of my heartfelt posts in honor of this guy.
Typically I tend to save these sorts of gush for his birthday. Or Fathers Day, or...any other gush-filled day.  However, I thought today would be a good time to share a little about our life as of recent.
Here's a guy that has stood back in the shadows on the brightest days, and laid next to me in the darkest of nights.  When he broke his leg that night I truly didn't realize how much it would adjust the sails we thought we'd set. You know the summer-time sails you prepare to set. I can remember staring at one another at dinner back in April with dreams of just stepping away to the lake alone.  Sitting in the boat in our favorite cove. Cheering with our drinks. Smiling bigger because we truly feel any time we can actually step away from the nest for a long weekend, is special.  To set our phones down, only to check a couple times = Bliss

Things shifted. Sails weren't raised.  We still kept our oars out paddling like mad because that's just what you do in this life. We work hard. Very hard.  Mama working a little harder doing all the things I do for the person that I love and deserves to be taken care of.  Imagine not being able to put an ounce of pressure on your leg.  For months and months.  A piece of metal so big it makes your lover cringe when you ask her to look or gosh forbid touch the knee. Um, no.
I'd rather look at sometin' else, you feel me? HAHAHA
Sorry Kris, Kali and Jenny--just rattlin' some britches here.

 I've held a small violin in my fingertips at times when I'm being a tad bit sassy.
Key word- Tadbit. LOL
Eye rolls sometimes hurt, but they're so worth the dramatic effect.
Most always by days end.

We've barked at one another in exhaustion.
I've quietly mf'd him under my breath because words were lost in translation.
I can't sleep next to him, or be silly and move around too quick.
Last week was a rough one for me, and the week before that too.
He's not sleeping well, and this mama has been tossing for months and months...
I know we should call us the wambulance soon, but we never want to hear that siren again.
So instead I'll just keep sipping wine.  At this point, good or bad.
Wine cures all.
Kidding.
It actually does not.  It only covers up what the middle of the night unveils.
And so, the cycle goes around and around again.

Lets just talk about last week, and the week before that.
He watched me navigate the necessary doings of closing out a chapter for a human that gave us Kris and Kali.  He also watched tears stream down my face as I took some calls.  Or staring at me as I tried to figure out how to tell Kali.  On her birthday.  We'd decide as a unit what we thought would be best.  He sat perfectly quiet as I lost my shit on a baker over a silly cake.

A cake.

He's also watched me toss petty bullshit over my shoulder and out the window more lately than ever.
Allowing me my simple Sundays to cook and read a good book.
We've laughed through craziness, and most often decline outings we get invited to because the crowds or standing is just too much. We also cherish little moments more than ever now because I think we both feel like we're being tested.  I've fallen victim to self pity more than ever lately.
More likely just whatthefuckandwhythefuck is this happening.

Watching Bill wither through pain I never knew imaginable.
And yet, he'll still offer to rub my shoulder.
Or take me to dinner.

And so I write this note to you Bill.

You're one strong dude.
One handsome strong dude.
Your body, or shall I say those hot arms of yours.

Even when I had the peeing the pants episode laughing at you recently, I hope you forgive me.
Although we both think the same thing about laughter.
How laughter is good. (I can hear you saying this to me when I have that smirk on my face that you so badly want to wipe off, and so you'll say "honey just laugh, will you"!)
Mwaaaaaaaaaaah! yea, I just kissed you.

Not sure you'll agree with the peeing the pants part, but man...it was so funny to see you that mad.
At me.
HAHAHAHA!

A note our daughter sent to me over the weekend will hopefully shed light on your beautiful soul.

--Right now you might be in a situation that you think you won't survive, but six months ago you were in a situation that you didn't think you'd survive, and two years before that you were in a situation you didn't think you'd survive and the point is you will always surprise yourself and you will always make it through--

I say this to both of us.  Maybe you can remind me when I'm walking around with a sass in my step. Or tears welling up in my eyes and you're trying to figure out why.  Like when I mention boating and summer time stuff, and you just stare at me.

I get you.  And I am so thankful you get me. In time with someone you begin to appreciate a deeper aspect of love. I know your tenacious heart, and hard working ways.  I am so grateful you're alive.  I am grateful to not stand over a hospital bed, pushing that green button to shut the iv cart up.  I am thankful I don't have to chase down nurses to help me help you.  I am thankful you are my patient, even at times when I try to push the crutches in the back seat and they don't go easily and I murmur fuck. But you just wait, and we smile at one another.  Or how quickly we find the best seat in the restaurant to help stretch your leg out.  

Today is pushing 7 weeks for you.  7 weeks of a different life. 7 weeks that feel like 751 weeks. 

Yet you just keep hammering those crutches around. 

Never thought watching you put underwear on would be so humorous. 

Never thought our "following your efforts" instead of "following your dreams" would ring so true and make me laugh so hard.

But who needs underwear anyway, right?

My point here is I LOVE YOU!

And I am so lucky to love you.

You will forever be my handsome dude.

Even with them crutches...

Thank you for helping me stand tall with your soul just like crutches to me.

Gush rant over.

Thanks friends for listening...and possibly throwing-up a little in your mouth.
HA!

We're halfway to Friday, can I get a Hallelujah, AMEN?!

Peace out lover bugs..

Stay kind.
Always kind.
Smile at strangers, I promise you'll make this world a better place.

Mama Lisa

ps-Breaking News my friends Sandy and Jeff received this wonderful news today!
And to you Shelley and Madison. Your love, and support for him is infectious!
So stoked!!

Go GET AFTER IT Big D!

Our love and best wishes to you honey, we can't wait to watch you bloom-

Let Go Of The Wheel

For the last few months I've prayed so hard,...all day.  Keeping in mind of each blessing I've been given.  My son a front runner in the game.  The rest falls shortly behind him. 

The good days always shine brighter and better than the bad days.

Last week grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me, it was everything under our beautiful sun or clouds if you're in southern cali...to not lose my shit.

Handling a loved ones cremains, and settling all the necessary paperwork proved to be a tad more taxing on my soul than I would have ever imagined.  Filling in the names, dates, etc. was surreal. Taking the phone call that his remains were ready for pick up, literally made me sick to my stomach.
Imagine.
Dust.

At one point, I thought, oh my word, I can't ever call Mike again to ask a question I was in search for.   I could never call him again to ask something that might pertain to genetics.  To life.  To planning. To apologize. To sort.  To help.  To laugh.  To cry.

{Do your family a favor, and make all the arrangements necessary now.}

I promised him in those last weeks if he needed to let go of the rope and fly away that I would help his wife.  To not worry.  That I'd follow his wishes with the dignity he truly deserves.

It is just what I will do.

It took a bigger stab to my heart than I expected.

My handsome birdie was scoped yet one more time to check for GVHD. We can't seem to get a solid grip as to why he pukes daily.  My heart says its the chemo, while my gut always says double check and rule out what could be.  And so we did. Conquering the hospital vibe like a grain of salt.

Smiling at one another when the circumstance calls for it.

Once he's put out, the journey switches up a bit, and I'm left on my own for a bit to pray, and seek answers.  Always always grateful to our doctors and nurses. Even the one nurse that gives me stink eye, it's okay little miss prancy-fance, who doesn't want me in there while they do paperwork and IV, I get it, you've never understood the concept of
"Be kind you never know what someone is going through"-
And my little birdie looks blissful here, yes he was.
But...he was also blasting some flatulent's silently and very toxic too---

We went from celebrating our 21 year old by throwing a brunch, to the next day celebrating this handsome fellers 90th!

 (and yes we took pictures, but mine doesn't do him the justice he deserves, so here's him years back ) He's still so dang handsome. And witty!

And then I slid down the rabbit hole of crazy, and clammed up like a clam, and by weeks end, I did everything in my power to not cry the day and nights away.  I did have a nice lunch with my bestie, and an even sweeter dinner with my cousin and little cousin...

So many times I'd hear that silly song by Carrie Underwood about Jesus take the wheel...and I used to chuckle.  

Like, say what?! Plus I made a vow to not get too preachy reachy with the world, because you know, we all make our own decisions.  Not to mention, I often find myself begging for signs, or answers from God.  Because, yes I'm human and yes I still  question things.  Like why do people still suffer.  Among a few other manic thoughts I seem to ramble across. 

Truth being spoken, it's who I am.

But, let me just say.....there are more moments in my life lately that are game changers. Moments I quietly ask for mercy. Moments I wonder why do I keep being handed shit on a platter.  

 Maybe God believes I am the soldier He needs.

Maybe, just maybe my purpose is to love and give and do and make this place a better place.
Who knows.

And as I told a friend the other day.... I will never put down my warrior stick.  Because of my birdies. 

Therefore....I'll let go of the wheel and let God take it.  Or Jesus. 

Or whomever is willing at this point.  LOL-  Someone grab the wheel!  HAHAHA!

Now would be a good time to ease up off the debbie the downer vibe and give a huge shout out to my dad, whom does not follow my blog, but IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY! 

Speaking of sappy, I wrote his birthday card last week when the sap was melting off my body like an old maple tree, and the tears wouldn't stop falling, and I filled that shit to the brim.  So good luck to him with reading that today.  LOL

And never mind that dot on my moms forehead, we can thank good ol' photo albums.  Grateful we even have this one! Besides, how bout' we take a look at her cute top.  I remember that one so clearly...

Happy Tuesday kids.  As for me and my body, we're in for a hair cut today.  

Hollaaa back gurlllll!!!

Big love, and lots of prayers for my birdies, and my family!
Especially my handsome dude that is bearing a tired body from these gosh darn crutches.

ps-  note worth sharing.  The hour I got the call from Mike's wife that he took his last breath, I had a voicemail from the cake place making Kali's cake.  What I ordered was a white cake, nothing on it, but light pink polka dots along the top tier.  What he made, was this. 

He. Made. This.

And my kick ass knock shit down meter was at the fullest number.

Blazing down the 40 headed home. His assistant sends me this.

Laugh OUT.LOUD.

What I wanted was this.....

Simplicity with succulents...
 I came to realize as I was losing my shit to this homeboy....directions and reading is everything.
Reality check.  Death. Cake. Last breath. Cake.
Lisa Lynn.  Stop. 

I've preached to my kids about kindness.  Understanding.  Blah Blah Blah...but..... BUT....

The moment wasn't in this mans favor.  At. all. 

Step away from the plate Juan with the sweet accent, and kind scared for life demeanor...Step.BACK.  And don't say a word.  LOL

And here you have mama's cake, just as simple as they come.  However if directions were read, there'd be little pink polka dots along the top tier. 

Kali, you're welcome. LOL!!

Until next time homies, PEAAAAAAAACE out!

And let Jesus take the wheel-

Kris sent me this as I was posting this post.  

I love you too Merkemer.  

Good timing bubby...

Mama