There are few things that really knock me down in fear. Sure I'm petrified of heights. And yet, I'll take it for the team where need be. Sure I'm a terrible back seat driver riddled with anxiety when others drive me. Sure I am cautious of illness whenever the kids call me about something. Sure I fear losing my best friend and lover constantly. I have always been an over thinker. I've also kicked my fears to the side many times and jumped through the hoops anyway.
I've put off making Kris' appointment for follow up with our BMT Doc's for months. Something I am not proud of, but was certainly not in a state to deal with during the last several months in dealing with personal stuff while closing down the shop. It's like I couldn't emotionally stack one more thing on top.
My biggest page in the chapter of this life.
Kris' health.
I float around him daily. Meds ordered, check. Sick with a cold/flu? Doctor appt. Check.
Dermatology? Check. Warm clothes? Check. Soft pants that don't hurt his stomach? Check.
Sunset Kaiser (Hollywood) is a place where the second phase of our journey started. It is a place where I butted heads with a Social Worker (sorry they bug me Shelley lol) At least that one did.
It's a place where I had blood drawn to see if I could possibly save my son. It's a place where I got dizzy walking down the halls from an overload of information. It's a place I stared straight into my loving aunts eyes (Hi Nettie and Jeff) and yearned for comfort.
The unknown.
It's been 4 years. And many visits in between. We go back today. Labs will be drawn, and hopefully our nurses will be in decent moods (sometimes grouchy in there, but who's to blame them with all they hear and see).
The mood is always a tad bit anxious on the way. He fiddles. I drive. He misses Skipper his sidekick. I miss the old days when he was young and the only fear was maybe a bruise on his leg.
It's Friday. It's beautiful. It's a new chapter. A new year.
I prayed all night. My nightly ritual of waking between 1-2am wide awake. I grab my ipad and scroll all the social media's. I close it, pray and pray and pray. Eventually falling back to sleep.
It's this era of my life. Walking into the first stages of Menopause feeling sweaty some moments, to freezing cold the next. My heart races when I think of the many people in this fight. I feel the loss of family. I feel and see the heartbreak because of money. I see and feel the bitter news of tragedy.
I just pray for peace. For health. For good labs. For peace in my sons heart whom, just like all the others didn't deserve this battle.
I see his smile with a dimple, with gratitude for his mom. I see our strength blended together and I remind myself.....you are his rock. You brought him here.
Get up and get this handled.
If you pray, please pray for us today. For a seamless trip to and from.
Although I have bitter feelings about our homeless situation because I think most of them are addicts. And mentally wiped out. I packed my car with blankets and clothes to hand out while we're down there.
We have plenty.
Just give me health. Give us peace.
Hope you all have a super good weekend....
This Warrior Mama Lisa
This picture actually makes me laugh, doesn't this look like most of us moms? Balancing a whole shit load of LIFE-
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