Tid-Bits

Made it through the weekend.

That alone is the biggest defeat. 

Kris' doctor appointment on Friday started as normal blood draw with his Dad. I would arrive shortly after making the next step before I thought would be just one bag of chemo.  Making this sound like a walk in the park, and in reality when he's outpatient it is. 

The arrival at 1, and not leaving until a big bag of Rituxan (chemo) and another small bag of chemo, -can't remember the name- We'd leave at 5pm, driving home both exhausted.  Him more than me, but I run on silly energy.  Making sure I've picked up the latest meds, wiped everything down, made the perfect car bed, pulled up and out of wind...etc.  You mama and papa birdies get my drill...right?

Offering food along the way, with one craving for a chicken sandwich local to them by the beach.

As I walked inside it was all I could do but notice the filthy kitchen.  A girl washing tomatoes in a little sink they'd probably washed hands, knives, and whatever else in.

The thing about cancer patients and counts.  YOU CAN'T MESS WITH THAT SHIT. 

As I walked out with his food, stepping back into the car. The polite suggestions began.

Expressing to him how important these little things are.  Places he eats, etc.  You almost become the "meanie mama"-

I arrived home exhausted, but not really from doing anything other than the normal crazy mama bird duties.

Turning the news on to hear of the tragic events unfolding in front of my eyes.  Making this nightmare we're in seem minuscule-

Saturday morning I had plans to attend Savannah's birthday brunch, plus a much needed hair appt.

He'd text me first thing asking "to come and get him"

Long story short, he had major cabin fever, and Jen was gonna do a mama daughter day with her mama.

And so....scooped him up.  We were on fever watch.  As his counts continued to drop by weeks end.  My soul was prepared for a round in the hospital.  By Sunday, same thing.  We all stayed low-key. Sitting dock side together.  Waiting.  Cooking for them and waiting.  Trying to talk all things NOT cancer.

Just being together. 

We made it through the weekend without a fever.  By Monday early morning I thanked GOD, whom has been there with me at 1,2,3 and 4am throughout this nightmare.  Praying, and sometimes crying.  Falling back to sleep just praying to rest.  Most nights lately I do fall back to sleep.  I've told you all how crazy little things have happened to me right?  Crazy spiritual things.  Call me a little hippy silly head.  But one day....I want to spill it all out to you...

Faith is working for me.

I sit at Kris' desk throughout the day.  He had an appt yesterday.  Jen took him.

I receive the email from his doctor- "Your counts have recovered, stop taking your neurpogen shots, along with -and he listed the 3 others for recovery" However you are anemic- No restrictions at this time-

My body smiled.  From the inside out. 

Texting him to look at his messages. 

Researching immediately to find whatever I can naturally to rebound his blood for anemia.  He's so pale, and skinny. 

So last night.  The little things.  Recovered counts. An appetite fighting to come back. A silly side of him we all love to see. His smile with that little dimple.  Counting down the days to step away again to a place that we all feel safe in.  Together.  As a family.

Where you can try to live with normalcy.  Kind of forgetting the next steps.

Checking back into the hospital for Round 4 on Nov. 30- The following day from returning from our hiding spot.

Yesterday I spoke to our transplant coordinator. There's blood work being processed as I type.  From humans that donated their time. Their life.  Their blood.  To save my son's.

I pray each day for the call.  The next biggest step.  For life.

And this nightmare to be over.

Happy Tuesday kids.  I've always read this quote-

And thought...ya little things are big things.

Right now in our world...?

Counts.  A smiling dude bird that is eating.  Or laughing and sending us funny things.

Planning to get away. Down to pajamas for all of us.  Or a new lens he bought.

Or a new recipe they want me to make.  Or who's driving with who.  Getting together as a family.

Celebrating life. 

May you all have a day filled with peace.  I hope you can find little things to help you through the tough times.

Big love, and cheers to better counts and NO FEVER!

Mama Warrior Lisa