I didn't sleep last night. Like up and down, tossing and turning. AND this was with freshly washed linens.
You know the kind that smell like Downey, and the bed is so divine as you pull it back you can hardly wait to lay your head down? Like that.
All was good until 11pm when I woke suddenly and started the fucking process of why my son came down with Leukemia. Like why did last week turn to shit and this week even shittier. Why does he have to go through so much. At the awesome age of 26 he should be out casting his pole all weekend long. Laughing away with his friends, because he's silly. Not looking at us deciding on what he can handle food wise because this week everything tastes like soap.
And wondering when he can get his transplant. And wondering why his stomach hurts so much.
Listening to us tell him that chemo is poison and it's trying everything a body can do to get rid of it.
But guess what? He still keeps his spirits high. Even in that room 4115 that we discharged from yesterday.
He makes me crack up. If you could see the videos he sends us. I roar. Kali and I get him. Same with Jen.
One video, and if you follow him on IG it was his lunch. Mac n Cheese. He played a little drum solo on it. I guess it was a little burnt. But man, I laughed so hard.
Another good laugh was Tuesday night I stood in the teeny tiny bathroom as he showered because he's a fall risk and he had the temp up to 80. Mind you, I had a mask on. As he stood there enjoying that hot water falling on his body, I was literally ready to collapse. Finally pleading that he kinda hurry...but knowing it felt good to just have water on his back. He's having hot flashes that make menopause look like a walk in the park. So flashy that he turns red, and super white. Sweat drips from his body. Creating chills that you have to cover him up with.
He texted me yesterday at 10:30am. "Mama, Dr. Chen and I had a good long talk, he just left and gonna offer discharge paperwork, if I want to"-
So, I packed my big bag into my car. Dropped Bucksie off at home, and headed to Le Kaiser'-
Upon arriving he was so happy to see me. We sat there talking about his discussion with Dr. Chen and why the purpose of really watching counts matters after those strong rounds of chemo. And that he will let him have a break next week to see if his body gains a little, and recovers a tad more before round 3.
About two hours into our chit chat, which flies by in the hospital. Don't know why. I decided to go "hunt down our nurse Joy" whom I had never met. Asking her if she was maybe done with the paperwork....? I mean 3 hours had gone by. Her response "Oh yea, let me just print the paperwork out"-
Here's the thing we've learned about admitting and discharging.
It takes FOREVER to admit.
FOREVER to discharge.
And you have a shit load of stuff. From pillows, blankets, shoes, bags of stuff, you name it.
AND more new prescriptions to pick up. Meanwhile with your weak birdie standing by.
I made a trip to the car, coming back to hear our discharge instructions...etc.
Picked up the meds, while he sat there smiling at me.
Drove him by my house to get Bucksie and some Tea Tree Oil for a sore on his arm that still looks wonky.
By the time we got to my house, he was losing his lunch. Having to lay down for a second to get his marbles in order again. Sitting on my couch that he did as a young boy, trying to pull it together to just make the next leap home. We looked at some childhood pictures that he wants copies of.
I took him home, and he thanked me as always.
I received a text last night from him that said "Mom, thank you for all that you do for me, I love you"
I am exhausted. I am trying to keep things moving. Some days I just want to stay in my bed all day.
I can't. I won't.
Pray for him. He's home. He's recovering more. Skinny boy, but we are all forcing whatever, whenever in him.
Next week he'll get a break from chemo, and than we'll stare Round 3 straight in the face.
Have a good Thursday evening friends.
Be good-
Big love,
This Warrior Mama Lisa
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