Dear My Kristopher, my merkamer. My bubba-loo.
If you scroll through Mama's blog. And you find this today.
This is for you.
Today, and the last few days have been brutal. For you especially.
If I could trade places with you, I would. You will never know the anguish I carry with me through my waking and sleeping hours. You will never know my strength and where it comes from. I won't either.
She broke the bread into two fragments and gave them to her children, who ate with eagerness.
"She hath saved none for herself," grumbled the sergeant. "Because she is not hungry", said the soldier.
"No" said the sergeant, "because she is a mother".
My calls start to Kris just after sunrise each day. I know his nights are a mess. But I know and feel he's awake. He most always greets me back with the most loving text. His soul wants to protect his Mama, and yet my soul wants to cover him with all forms of protection, love, peace, and goodness. I want to feed him, and monitor e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. But most of all love. They never want me to know just how bad the night was. Sparing me details because they just want to protect me. Life and motherhood. It's a delicate flower, isn't it?
Driving to work this morning our song came on. It grabs me instantly and pulls me close to my boy.
Weeping like a weeping willow crying out loud because it feels good.
I lose my shit every once in a while. I am angry. But mostly I am sad.
But if you see this Kris. Remember, we are behind you. Mama is paving ways that you might not ever see, hear, touch or smell. Do know one thing. I am moving mountains baby. I am.
Enjoy this day friends...love on your babies. Pray for Kris. Pray for healing. And pray for a resting peaceful body. Tough week.
Love,
This Warrior Mama Lisa
Huge thank you to my friends that are my rocks. I wish I could repay you. If I only knew why this happened, or how I could hand the love right back. Thank you for understanding me when I clam up and only fall into the arms of my rock.
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