I Couldn't Believe It.

24 Years Ago....

 

Side story- I bought this bonnet at Nordstrom believing this tiny bebe of mine would not fill it....but then when I saw her head of hair.....hahahah And those cheeks! HA!

I drove myself to the hospital after a walk through my local Farmers Market in search of my favorite sprouts dip mix I could never get enough of. 

After feeling a little dizzy and light headed it felt like the right thing to do was guide my body over to the hospital...

2 days over my due date. 

5 hours later I had her.

Naturally born taking the advice from aunt Ronda to ride each contraction like a wave.

Quiet. Stoic. And very serious. Didn't want anyone to talk to me.  Or touch me.

So fitting for my relationship with Kali.
Guiding. Loving. Letting. Pulling.

Birthing, and motherhood is the vein for humanity.

The lessons a mom hands you from birth.

From childbirth.

To be strong, stoic and able.

No need to scream.

Just make it happen.

She was everything I imagined and yet not really.

I'll never forget her eyes locking with mine as we began our nursing journey.

Something that didn't come natural to me.

I made it happen though.

For a year.

Guiding.

Loving.

Letting.

Pulling.

We both learned alot about the other in those first months.

A screaming baby with a very full head of hair.  Scared to my wits, just like with Kris.

Staring down at her little quivering lip with a love deeper than one can describe.  I felt it with both of my birdies.

Knowing full well I would protect her with every ounce of my being. 

I would try to teach her all a girl needs to know.

Some tasks that were a tad bit hard for my own mother to teach me, I promised her I would do my best to lean in and teach her.

To love hard, work hard and to be a good human.  To give people a chance until the bridge crumbles.

To be kind to all animals.

To enjoy every type of music her ears could grab. 

To learn the difference of love and lust.  

To learn the task of dusting off her knees when they get burned .....  and push on forward.

I tried hard to set examples and yet I'm quite sure she has a handful, shoot, a bucket full of my mistakes in her arsenal of life.

oh hey Jim Carey...HAHAHA!

I still get ansty on their birthdays trying to shower them with all things birthday.  

You know it's like 24 is kind of an average number. Over the hump of all the milestones, and yet, it's just 2 years shy of when I had her. 

She's walking the tight rope in a corporate world at work. Mozy her kitty waltzing around the house and window sills keeping her company and at times distracting her.  The luxury of her mom stopping by to bring a salad for lunch.  Or eggs.  

A dad that pops in to fix her tire.  

I am grateful to have a daughter to live this life with.  Her respect and love for me in unbreakable.

It proves the time you invest in them turns around full tilt right back to us.

She cries a little easier now with things that mean something to her. 

Learning to appreciate love, kindness, good people and fun times.

Kali, I love you so much and even when at times I set things straight from a 50 year old view to your 24, it's because I love you. I've been there.

Don't take shit when it's not needed.

Speak up, with respect when you know something is wrong. 

Ask again if the answer isn't clear. 

And if that answer doesn't feel right, keep searching.

Be independent, because in a flash things can change and you're left to paddle on your own.

It's good to drive alone and sort things by yourself.

Love that man that chose you.  Because he's a good guy (Hi Grant!)-

We might not be in a restaurant this year as the city begins the blossom effect of awakening, but I can assure you....you WILL be surrounded by love.

And as long as I am on this Earth, you'll always be surrounded by love.

And silly times.

Always stay silly....

I love you.

Dad loves you.

Change your oil he said.

I say check your tire pressure. LOL

And give us a high five.  (Kali hates high fives, and cheering with drinks. boom)

This plant will forever and ever take me right back to those first couple months of nursing in my bed...the smell every single May and June...

Happy Twenty Four My Beautiful Birdie--

I kept saying over and over when I had my first ultrasound with you...

"I can't believe I'm having a girl"

So stoked....

This Mama Lisa 

And of course, Dad! 

The Things I love.

Slowly but surely we're awakening from a strange season.  A season of questioning.  A season of cleaning.  A season of coming together in ways we'd never knew would be possible.  I will forever be grateful for my birthday video filled with loving words from my friends.  And family. I will never forget the thoughtfulness that sprouted those words from kind and loving humans to me. Words that are often kept for the days when you leave this earth, versus expressing them now. 

The driveby birthday parties, and posters, and kindness to celebrate birthdays, graduations, accomplishments, hospital discharges and victory.   

I mean, looking down the lens of a silver lining scenario, this would be it. The sweet moments.  Right?

My thoughts on this virus are maybe like some of yours.  And yet, we mask up.  We wash up extra. It's been my way of life for a very long time.  What makes me most happy is to see those I love take the precautions of washing hands, not touching face, NOT licking fingers, etc. 

I have my belief of masks in public, and most especially people wearing those gawddamn gloves out and about.  Stop. 

And guess what?  You don't have to wear a mask in your car! I promise.  You'll be okay alone. 

The litter I see on my beach right now? Gloves, masks, and most especially the thugs that come down to seek sand, water and the ocean air with bottles of beer left behind. 

The sweet silver linings will outlast the dirty.  The moments spent cooking together, and trying new recipes will for sure outlast the hard and very trying moments. (for instance, I literally had to leave the room if Bill was eating. Just the chewing was sending me over the fucking top LOL) 

I've been spending my time between the desert and coast.  I have dove deep into decorating.  It's my way of peace. 

I gather with my besties.  We sip wine and laugh lots.  I sneak over to my birdies house to feed, drop a meal prepared with love.  I clean for him.  I love to cook for both. I purge and organize.  

I love hard in ways that only a mama's heart knows.  I still pick up meds, wipe em down, and deliver. 

I sling emails to our oncology team with hopes of a continual decrease of such meds.  (Kris had a really rough week a couple weeks ago.)

Every day I am grateful for the man I share my life with.  His years and years of hardwork is still an adjustment of a new schedule.  He only knows to work, and work hard.  We kind of laughed the other day because now we sort out a days worth of errands, spread out for a week.  

I've walked the beaches alone praying. Crying some moments. Not out of sadness, but mostly out of the new way of life.  My hormones and body are changing.  I am leaning into change, and I am steering away from evil. (Boy did we learn alot about ex-family members and just how evil and spiteful some can be- One thing about me, don't confuse my kindness as ignorance.  I see you, and I see right through you all....I pity your rotten souls.)

I hope you're all doing okay....remember --You control the door, close it when you need to. 

Don't ever EVER forget your worth.  This life is too short. 

I started my front porch switch up.  Still have a ways to go, like change the wood on my bench I found in the trash, along with a new stain...

I received this in the mail from our good friends Jim and Rosa- I literally cried with happiness! They know me so well! 

Our first cocktail at Foxes on the Colorado River a few days after re-opening.  Classic rock-n-roll playing in the background....smiling at Bill eye to eye because it's a favorite spot of his.  

I jammed home for a week to soak up some ocean air.  An early morning walk on the beach alone.  Praying and smiling at the zen I feel when I feel salty ocean air against me.  

My Target phone quality, but still.....LOL

An impromptu gathering at my besties house to sip wine and hang with our daughters.

You know those unplanned moments that turn out to be the best.....

Mothers and their daughters....LOVE! Plus Tucker and Hank!

 My own pedicure kit.  womp womp

A visit to Maria's home to shower her with love after she'd had a pretty rough week. 

Plus Oliver ..............Cutie pie!

Maria's husband Bert is always the hostess with the mostest.  Like playing old rock-n-roll albums on their record player.  MORE LOVE!

We spent Memorial Day Weekend on the dock, or somewhere in between our homes.  Such a fun weekend! 

Madison, Kaitlyn, Kali and Bianca.....

A "Half-Pack" gathering of just us girls on Monday.  Sipping champagne and creating an amazing meal.  Over 20 years of friendship, and we've never bbq'd or made a dinner as us 3.  

Most importantly leaning in to the new perspective.  I can't get with the new normal verbage. But I can say I appreciate the slower processes.  The time spent with those we love.  The reality of those we've walked away from.  A new chance to stick closer to those we know won't betray or mislead us. 

Love.

Friendship. 

Trusting.

Remember:  You hold the door.  Close it when you need to. 

Wash your hands, and soak up some sunshine and water...wherever that may be.  It's good for you. 

This Mama Lisa

This little girl turns 24 on Friday!
Don't blink!

Word.

Happy Wednesday kids!

This Mama Lisa

Move on, I promise it'll be good for you.

You Float Back And Forth.

Retirement has looked a little like this....

We have been going back and forth....from our desert oasis to our beach hut. 

And don't let the concept fool you.  We still feel the same feels as you.

Stuck.

Trapped. 

Scared. 

Bickering. 

Loving. 

Celebrating.

Clinking glasses.

Kissing at sunsets.

Kissing at cheers. 

This new way of life.

Thank goodness for friends.

Washing everything down. 

Wiping everything up. 

Laughing out loud at jokes and memes.

And, no Kali if you read this, we still haven't got our vibe into Netflix series...

This Mama has never been a TV girl.  I'd rather decorate or clean!

HAHAHA!

May has looked like this....

Le Middle Bird Up In The Air At The Virus!

Harbour friends celebrating amidst a Covid place in time...

It was the first time we'd all been together in over a month.  And yes, we hugged. And yes we smiled big sitting on the dock.  Masks and all, we were happy to gather finally- 

 This is what best friends make you do. Russ (one of the six-pack) encouraged Bill to get out on the Laser Sabbath.  Above Day 1.  Below, day 2! 

And then back to the desert we go!

Hope everyone is staying well.  Staying conscious.  And staying informed. 

Love hard, and watch out for the weirdos!

This Mama Lisa

Five-O Observations

I almost typed out the word Quarantine.  And then I ALMOST typed out the word Covid...AND THEN I realized I'm growing weary on all those words.

To say our lives got flipped sideways is an understatement.  Don't get me wrong I count my blessings each hour and day we slide by without losing or fighting for our loved ones -

I keep trying to find the silver linings or whatever positive way we should look at this monster.

I've cleaned every cupboard, folded clothes like Marie Kondo. I've even ironed.  You guys....I don't iron. The only thing I have not done is bake a motherfraken banana nut loaf. I swear if that is one thing that makes me cringe.  Shows just how sheeplike we are in this social media driven life. 

I have made Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies in my new big mixer the kids bought me for Christmas.  Very gratifying I must add.  As I added the ingredients and that bowl thing turned as the mixer did its job I was mesmerized. Before you know it, voila.  Dough. 

Last year I bought this eye lash serum to make my eye lashes grow...what I didn't realize is that stuff ALSO makes them fall out.  I've decided to give my lashes a break right now while sitting in ugly zone and wearing minimal makeup.  My brows are a different story.  Talk about sparse. 

No one told me those fellers would start acting up during the Five-O saga. One person told me it's stress, while others say a deficiency.  Either way it sucks nuts. I eat very healthy and I juice on the regular to ensure my body intake is gathering more than just fermented grapes.

So lets take a step back to my fiftieth.  I received some of the most wonderful cards. Gifts thought out by friends near and far.  My friend Kerri in Oklahoma sent me a "Make Fifty Great Again" hat. Bill's sister sent a mug painted with my besties.  That little four pack I miss sitting across at our weekly Happy Hour with. 

My mom and dad sent a garden light up Orb Ball thing that turns different colors in the garden at night.  The kicker to that was receiving it in a box stuffed safely inside with a whole roll of paper towels ensuring its safety.  Not sure they had a shortage up there, but it certainly made me chuckle. 

My best friends gathered in Seal Beach for me in a giant circle (keeping our distance) showering me with Mexican food and love. And wine.  2 of the 6-pack bought me my favorite whiskey and two glasses that say Vintage 1970.  Pure love! Not to mention the amazing bottles of wine and Champs! 

There are moments in this chapter that make me feel like maybe what we all needed was a RESET. Maybe we all needed to slow down a bit.  I read a post on my cousins IG account this morning (Hey Mindi) that talked about the switch up from being a teacher, coaching her 3 kids in all sports...those little humans play soccer, baseball, basketball, football, ping pong, badmitton jk....but you know what I mean...her and Chris are amazing parents.  Juggling it all. It came to a screeching halt.  

You know where they are today? Camping.  At Lake Shasta.  Hiking. Loving and living a slower life. 

To think of the money we're saving from eating out.  The healthy value of food coming from our hands and kitchen (although I miss my fav restaurants and bars to sip a martini or good glass of wine). 

My cousin texted me yesterday reminding me that I need to sign up for Zoom to celebrate our grandma's 89th birthday next week.  A part of me wants to steer clear of that situation.  I want to call my grandma or visit her when this is over.  But to expand more media during a time that "I"  believe was meant for us to slow down....

I'm working on healing myself in books and a new set of thoughts.  

For years I've worked super hard.  Raising two humans. Fighting for the life of one.  Guiding the other in womanhood and the life that is NOT ALWAYS easy but worth giving the best shot you got.

This Chapter.

I've texted friends and laughed out loud more than ever. 

I've went on walks listening to my old school punk rock through the neighborhood here in Havasu chuckling inside at the retired folks doing their daily routine.  

Grappling with the fact that this is our new life.  If they could hear what's filtering into my ears. 

I gave Bill a haircut on Sunday morning and had to stop twice to go laugh and hold my crotch so I wouldn't pee my pants.  I seriously have the sillies at the worst moments.  We knew going into the salon session that I'd most likely fold into asshole laugh mode.  BUT, he looks so handsome! He took the clippers from me 3 times and told me to "git" HAHAHA!  

Anyway...this is life!  The heels of my feet look like swapmeet feet.  My cuticles are in line with a construction worker.  I get nervous? Peel away. 

I wanted to give a shoutout to my friends Kerri and Kevin Lusk.  These two are couriers for Be The Match. They travel the world to pick up Cells for Bone Marrow Transplants. During these circumstances they are there. They fly over the pond, and across our states. Each time she lands or takes off she lets me know they've been delivered and I ALWAYS look up to the Heavens to thank our God for these living Angels. She can't tell me where she is or the details, but during the last month they've made 4 trips. 

Angels. 

I hope life is treating you guys well.  Whatever room you feel at peace in, go there.  Get out and go on walks.  Wash your hands and good luck if you have to cough or sneeze while grocery shopping.  It happened to me, and of course, I ALMOST had one of my laughter attacks. 

Peace out.  Let me get back to my old pictures.  Adding some to our photo albums and tossing lots away too- Felt so good!  Later nerds!  

 Cabo! 

 Jojo

 Honey badger doesn't give a shit. LOL

This Mama Lisa

Five-O.