Six Months.

Happy Half "New" Birthday son.  

I truly never even knew what today would look like.  

Never before did we imagine at your real six month birthday back in January 1990, when you had light blondish red hair, and a chubby little belly, mixed with the most beautiful eyes on the planet.  Back when you were the center of our universe.  I'm sure our families would agree, he was the light in my room.  He was scootin' around on a blanket, trying to get to our dog.  He was his "Bom's" (Grandma's) "Lamb-Chop"-  She would do anything and everything to get to him.  I perfectly remember buying you a gold teddy bear at Broadway, smashing him gently into your belly sending you into hysterical laughter.  

Six months was about the time where laughter truly became real.

Like real, real.

You would smile so big at me in the morning as I made my way to you.  Hollaring out Gooood Moooorning bubbaloobob! Most always cheerful and happy to see his mommy.  A mommy that fought hard to be a good mommy during those six months.  Proving and paving my way through motherhood in front of my family members that really knew my decision to become a mom so young would be hard.  So I was set to prove my story right.  

I'd sign him up for all classes.  First being swimming lessons with me.  Dunking him under that pool water petrified he'd take water in.  Yet he didn't. Instead he'd come up smiling at me with such trust. Such love.  Such, such love.  I was a young twenty year old.  The same age as my pretty little birdie Kali.

We'd navigate through getting ready for his Winnie The Pooh party at one. 

I'd never estimate moving into 2016 we'd be learning the ropes of the C word.  And transplant. And doctors.  And nurses.  And all that comes with this miracle. That Be The Match would become something so stellar and important to us. 

The folks at City Of Hope would forever and ever be ingrained in our blood. 

I still haven't been able to process enough to put my warrior stick down.  

Just this morning I was back at the pharmacy picking up more meds that "were outta stock Friday and yesterday"- 

Learning to just smile.  Even when those girls know me and address me kindly by name.  I just smile.  

Thankful for what they're trying to help me accomplish.  

Save my son. 

I have more numbers memorized in my head than I ever thought possible.  

Non business related which is a shocker.  

I've memorized doctor office phone numbers like a robot. 

Reciting in my dreams on how to leave a proper message.

I've become a pro with most medicines and care taking. 

This miracle hasn't been easy.  Not for him and not for me.  

Not for any of us. 

The journey seems un-doable at times.  So much so, at times I wonder how he keeps that sweet smile of his. Most always sending that same sweet emoji to me in text.  A smile.  When at times I feel like he's breaking. 

Yet he just keeps fighting.  Smiling. Going. 

Last night Kali and I headed over to pick him up for an impromptu dinner.  Missing Bill and Jen. 

Strangely enough, it felt almost too good. 

The last time I sat with those two and snapped selfies was this time last year.

And Dear Lord, please don't take me back there. 

Praise God he's alive. 

And this chance was given last night. 

It didn't matter about the ceviche I was in search of. It didn't matter about the delicious margarita I sipped.

It didn't matter about the kid crying across the restaurant that should of been escorted out...LOL. 

What mattered was watching him eat his fajita's, devouring those little burritos he made.

He's alive.

Happy 6th Month Re-Birthday!  7:00pm tonight!

May each day be bigger, better and just a tad bit more beautiful.

I'm so proud of your strength. 

So proud.

This Mama Lisa

Forever Young.

Not sure if any of you folks are Rod Stewart fans. Maybe some, maybe not.

I am.

There's this song that I've dedicated to my son since 2007. The year he graduated.  I made him sit down next to me in our little living room and awkwardly listen to it. Graduation day. At the time he squirmed a little in the chair. I perfectly remember him staring down at the carpet.  Occasionally looking up, kind of avoiding eye contact.  Because...I had tears in my eyes.  *shocker*.  

Not sure any young lad really wants to see their mom cry.  As a matter of fact, I still know they hate to see me cry.  

Kris and I are extremely close.  As a matter of fact, the days leading up to his graduation we tangled into a huge fight.  Words exchanged with fierce meaning.  Both expressing some truth. He told me off, and I to him. 

He stormed out of the house exclaiming he wasn't ever coming back.  Ever. 

Come night fall, I was blowing up his phone.  He paid his own "pre-paid" bill.(still think it's why he's so good with managing money)  So my pleas for him to return worked because he wasn't going to give up those "minutes" of my nonsense. When in reality I should of let the little shit stay where-ever he was because, duh..isn't that what tough asses are supposed to do?

I didn't. 

The last few weeks of high school, and graduation time was super stressful for he and I.

It all seemed to work itself out...etc. 

Every time I hear this song it melts me.  Its meaning isn't just for him. But for Kali.  For my friends.  For their young lads.  For little cousins. For big cousins.  

How time flies by and you try to hold onto it.  Even more so because the days are delicate.

So.  So.  Delicate.

We haven't really had the chance to hang much recently.  I had a virus.  Then Bill.  Then Kali.  

Kris avoided us, rightfully so...

Keeping covered out on the ocean July 2016

The weekend was full of texting, pictures, adventures, and life.  They're shopping for their new place.

My given rule by Bill was to "let the kids nest on their own honey"- is working out.....i guess. 

I want to "do", and love and nest and decorate, and paint and nurture. 

But I had to remind myself....it's their journey.  It's their story. It's their nest.  

It's those words I made him hear nine years ago....

May the good Lord be with you, down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud dignified and true
And do unto others as you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave and in my heart you'll always stay

Forever young
Forever young

May good fortune be with you, may your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven with a prince or a vagabond
And may you never love in vain and in my heart you will always remain

Forever young
Forever young

Forever young
Forever young

And when you finally fly away, I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime no one can ever tell
But whatever road you choose, I'm right behind you, win or lose

You guys make me proud...

In other breaking news....the other birdie...was lucky enough to roll with the big wigs again and attended a Selena Gomez concert with her besties.  And her besties moms and I decided chaperoning would be a great idea....because hello wine, a driver --holla Shelley-, and Cindy with all her good positive loving vibes...

WHAT A NIGHT!

If you are wondering what Bill and I did Friday night....

Well, we landed at dinner with my "Sister's-in-Love's"-  One martini turned into four....

Four turned into a visit at Don The Beachcomber....

Don The Beachcomber turned into staring at the clock when we got home and it read 12:34am.

12:34am turned into a 5:00am headache and long stare in the mirror questioning my bargaining skills with martini's. 

But.....

We are "FOREVER YOUNG"

Right?

Happy Monday.  How'd it treat you?

Mine.....shark sighting 4 am. White sheets.  Favorite new underwear.  

Bam.

It's gonna be a good week! I feel it.  

This Mama Lisa

Sweet Weekend To You Friends....

Go spread smiles.

Now more than ever.

Enjoy the weekend with your loves.

Hope you can try a new dish.  A new recipe.  A new restaurant.

Sip your favorite wine. Even if it's two buck chuck.  If it makes you happy, do it. 

Force a smile. 

Spread kindness kids.

It starts with us.

 

"Go the extra mile it's never crowded"

 

Don't you dare give up. 

Ever.

 

This Mama Lisa

Something to ponder, because YOU ARE beautiful...

It doesn’t make sense to call ourselves ugly, because we don’t really see ourselves. We don’t watch ourselves sleeping in bed, curled up and silent with chests rising and falling with our own rhythm. We don’t see ourselves reading a book, eyes fluttering and glowing. You don’t see yourself looking at someone with love and care inside your heart (hello motherhood). There’s no mirror in your way when you’re laughing and smiling and happiness is leaking out of you. You would know exactly how bright and beautiful you are if you saw yourself in the moments where you are truly yourself.

Amen to that.

When The World Seems Fierce, Let's Have HOPE

Each night as I pull into my driveway at home there's a feeling of peace. I'm sure most of you feel the same pulling in after work.  I never know what our week will hand us, and so in true Lisa "The worry wart" fashion, I always get the Monday morning jitters.  Or should I say middle of the Sunday night.  Isn't it true that anything in life is just like that.  We truly never know what will happen.  And so we move along...this week no different, except it started on a Tuesday.  And remember I started off with a bad attitude...

Setting myself up. Shame on me. 

This week proves no different. There's a vibe out there this week that honestly makes me argue whether Mr. Full Moon is due to make his appearance at the end of the month, or if in fact...he's here. 

I did peek out my bedroom window last night as I slid it open because--hellloooo beautiful summer evening weather...---and my eyes caught the cutest sliver of a moon. 

Energy.  Tension. Business. Hustle. Finances. Paperwork. Sales. Invoices. Phones.

Mean people. Nice people. Confused people. Inquiring people.

Sickness. Happiness. Bills.

Life.

And then I turned on the news.  As I do every night....actually that's a lie.  I tend to fall into bed with my I-Pad aka-my secret lover.  (I can get lost in research and snooping realll fast)-

But....back to the news.

Death. Heartbreak. Shootings. Police. Navy Seals. 4 year old getting shot on his porch by a drive-by.  

Politics.  And honestly, I'm not sure what's worse.  Death or politics.

I guess I should shut up, because really it's not a topic any of us care to talk about.  Politics are so personal to me. Death. Well, it's alarming to me how not only are people dying...but people tend to record and post things that are so traumatic before offering to help.  

The one that sent me over the top- Someone is lighting homeless people on fire.  What started as something in San Diego, has now creeped it's ugly head in Los Angeles.  Excuse my french...but..fuck. 

You guys.  YOU GUYS. Some creature is doing this horrible act on another human.

Helpless humans.  I am crying typing this. 

I would take them out. 

They would die a slow death, by my bare hands.
Double standards I know, but you guys....

This morning was rough.  I battled anxiety for a short while.  I wake pretty happy.  I always have. At least it's what I've been told by my parents. 

With the exception of the dazed mornings from a sleepless night, and pouring milk in my coffee is a feat.

But you get the picture.

My son is like me (will chat up the sky with coffee in hand..). Kali like her Dad-(quiet with a need to wake peacefully on their terms).

Kali and I began going through pictures.  Pictures of life.  Pictures of my son.  Bald.  We are putting together a collage.  And oh.my.gawsh.  I WANT TO DELETE THEM ALL.

I hate the journey, yet it's all un-erasable.  All of it.

Shark week is rearing it's head. 

Cry easy, bark hard. Eat the entire fridge. Cereal and I are tight friends right now.

And panic like a mo-fo. 

I literally go from smooth jam, to freak out heart racing, ohmygoshicantbelievewhatthefuckhappened.

I soon jumped in the shower letting my little cry out.

And of course, I prayed.  

Life can be so hard.

Putting my kind hat on at work when in reality I begin to bark easy.  Sorting business and kindness.  Not confusing kindness and ignorance.

There's a reason my blog is named love and peace.  I truly love to be kind.  And peaceful.  It's where my roots lay. It truly is who I am. 

I love to love.

I love to see smiles and happiness.

I will walk the Earth for my kids to see them smile...

I love to see people happy, and most always trying to show kindness.

Maybe it's time to turn off the tv's. The news.  Social media. Take a break from all the heartache I continue to see. So sad! 

Maybe I'm better at smiling at strangers.

No rest for the peacemakers.
Let's keep peace moving guys...

It's our time to spread love. 

To smile and be kind.

Maybe I should go to Weinerschnitzel and get a corn-dog with mustard. Right Shelley?  Maybe I should go get more Mochi's from the counter at Whole Foods, and if you haven't had them drop whatever you're doing and go.  Even if you're scared of Whole Foods because a loaf of bread is two thousand dollars.  I promise you the Mochi's aren't.  Try the Tiramisu.  Or mango.

Maybe I should drink peach tea that one of Kris' parents dropped at my house in the midst of our shit storm that literally melts my soul.  (If you've ever been to Del Taco in Barstow and have tried their unsweetened peach tea...it's that. womp womp) Shout out to Farmer Brothers Georgia Peach Tea. And The McClellan's.

Or maybe I should go grab a bottle of  Federalist red cab and sip a glass with my lover.

Or maybe I should buy some flowers and watch them light up my porch with happiness.

Maybe I should count my blessings that my son is a alive because of City Of Hope and our German donor. 

Maybe I should show you this cute picture that melts me.

 Or what about this one...Bucksie with Renee his other Grammie....

Oh my word! Look at his face!

Or my son today....alive.  Looking so much like his uncle Gregory.  Wow. 

Or maybe I should just lay it all down.

And let it be.

And just trust. 

Pray for our homeless.  Pray for our innocent kids in this fierce mean world. 

Do the right thing. 

Work hard.

And smile. 

Just keep smiling.  Especially at others.

Please pray for me.  For my heart racing soul and tilted bouts of anger-

Donde esta' papel feminine?

Lisa Lynn

Well, There They Are...

I literally had a head scratching moment last week trying to locate the very few (considering my past) pictures from Cabo.  I have been cracking up while eating my lunch and scrolling through each one.  Man, it's easy to forget just how fun little breathers like that are.  Especially when you jump back in the game. And act like a brat, as though "you never get to do anything" (said in a whiny cry baby voice)-

I'm a sucker for pictures.  Add Stevie the love of my life...and you have one big carnival of goodness. And so here's a little goodness. 

Also, I might add, I'd highly recommend this little hotel we stayed at.  Hundreds times over and over.  It's centrally located, with a fun vibe, good people, a humming white noise air conditioner that didn't cover the sounds of the street down below-LOL-(funny thing about Kali and I, we love white noise...so traveling and having those wall air conditioner units are an extra bonus-however at this cute little hotel, the streets are quite loud, all.night.long. I heard one particular LOUD motorcycle every morning 6am...quickly reminding  myself he was most likely going to work, and preparing for a fun day ahead for all us touristy peeps) AND plan to get your drink on, because the bar is over the top cute, and Medano Beach is walking distance where all the party people hang, mixed with the best guacamole in all the land at "Mango's"- 

Book that ticket kids. 

I would say 4 nights, max 5 is truly ideal. First of all, hello money trap...and you pretty much lose a day of travel.  And.....your liver will thank you!

As I mentioned in my instagram post earlier....as this jet plane jammed down the run-way, I had crocodile tears streaming down my cheeks. So much so, I had to bury my head on Bill.  Not sure why, other than starting my period at the airport *LUCKY*, or if it just felt good to get the hell out of here.  I truly felt this overwhelming emotion take over me. And, is it me, or does horsepower of any sorts just feel so kick ass... I LOVE IT-

Leaving gloomy LAX......

Stuffed into a stick shift Toyota Camry.  Not sure what excited me more, the Corona I held in my hand as we drove off, or the stick shift vibe cruisin' down the routa hwy Baja Cabo bound road.  So much joy in that back seat....keep your head outta the gutter. Corona + Driving to hotel on vacation = Bliss  

Getting closer.....almost smelling that smell I talk of. Not sure if it's the car pollution or salt water...whatever it is, I love it.

Arriving at our slice of paradise....Bahia Beach Hotel

Quickly ushered over to this area, handed a fresh squeezed kiwi and lime juice while my lover checked us in...(Fresh flowers everywhere- Score!)

The next morning I'd make my way down to the bistro for a latte.  It's the little things for me...and this little cafe is just....perfect!  

 Right next door....cutest restaurant  "Peacocks"

 This restaurant was featured on Diners & Drive-In's....the Chiliquiles' were over the top!

Yeaaa babeeeyyyyyy

 #CASHOLA

BAM!

Sexy Machine, yes. Orange Vest. No.

And I would post a kissing picture on here that our boat driver insisted we take, but the kids have probably caught enough lip smackin' between us because I LOVE kissing pictures.. Figured out our little birdies lookie here more than I thought....awk.  jk
Also that boat driver offered to sell us some "weed"-  haha- 
And soon, began mentioning he knew where we could get "coke".
LOL!
So if you head to Cabo and want weed and coke from a boat skiff boat driver, boo ya...there you have it--

You know the drill kids.  Get away if and when you can.  Save a little side dough and take the time to build up love and friendship in travel.  You don't need a lover to get away.  Go with a friend. 

I'm already drooling over another trip there some day.  Not for a while. It's nose to the desk again.
Work harder, play harder. 

Praise God, we were able to sneak away.  

I still live with fear every single day of the inevitable.  Moving along in life as though nothing will change hasn't been the easiest....trust me, I try.  But still cry every single day. ugh.

And yet, we all know...we aren't in charge-

Sometimes having something to look forward to, or a plan in place helps. 

I now know, sitting around watching life move by isn't the best plan.

GO LIVE!

Even if it's sitting in the sand or mountain side sipping good wine, or a cold brew.  

Or

Water.

Big HUGS and LOTS of LOVE....

Kris is doing great!  All Praise Jesus hands in the airrrrrr!

Adios Amigos!

ps. Funny part of le' trip was waltzing down to El Pharmcia hung over at 7am trying to explain I needed tampons.  She handed me cigarettes.  bam.  No..esta la papel el feminine- LOL

Shark lady, SHARK ATTACK!

This Mama Lisa