Day number eleven.

HAPPY VETERANS DAY!  Because of our VETS, we can live this life in America.


I am thankful for being able to give birth, and have children.

For you mama's out there...if this doesn't melt your soul and bring back memories, I don't know what will.
Those swollen tummies.  The euphoric energy.  The new baby smell.  Oh, that new baby smell.
The beginning stages of nursing.  The jitters of the first night.  That sweet sweet skin, and amazing look between baby and mama.  

The beginning of something so, so amazing.  Tiring, hard, yet amazing.

Day one



Hope you enjoyed.

These pictures melt me.

Although a picture of any baby melts me.



Happy Monday Mamas!

The real stuff.

This post today isn't a testosterone fulfilled one, for you dudes.  Or maybe so.  Maybe some of you have paddled in my canoe.  The famous, middle of the night canoe. 

I know it's Sunday.  And I know that most of you realize I do not blog on the weekend.  I most always schedule my posts ahead of time.
There have been a few things on my mind lately.  Things that are real, and things that actually freak me out.

Freak me out in a way that I never expected.
Let's first start with insomnia.  I suffer from it.
I do believe it's an age thing.
It's most definitely hormone driven.
The reason I know this, is because it doesn't happen every night, and every week. 
There is a certain couple of weeks during my month that I will awaken after about 3 hours of sleep and become completely wide awake.
And it sucks ass.

As I lay there wide awake, I begin to worry.  And worry is an understatement.
I begin to layout my future.  The kids. Work. My life. My home. My animals.  Work. My relationship. More work.
Than work, more work, and work some more.  Sprinkle in College stuff...and whew..we have a marathon.

But the sickest part of these recent worries, is dying.
I know it sounds morbid and awful. It does.
But it's been happening more and more.
I fear leaving this Earth while my kids are still finding their path.
Leaving before weddings, Grandbabies, new homes.  All of it.

It's a disgusting thing to admit.  I wish I didn't.  So let's not judge me, mmk?
One early morning as Bill was leaving for the gym, I watched him dress in the dark, and I laid there in
a complete haze awake, he had no idea.  This sick worry of what would happen if I lost him. My bestfriend. Then that went into what if I die and leave K and K.  I mean, this is awful.

It didn't stop there.  It's been happening more and more.
I know it's easy for some people to rely on faith, and religion to get through those dark moments.
I still search for the truth.  In all things religion.
You know I pray.
I pray harder some nights and days than you can imagine. I've prayed so hard that it brings me to good happy tears.  Although I don't know what God is listening to me, if there is one. 

It's easy to throw the stone over to someone like a God and say...."help these feelings go away"-  or
"please don't take me from my family"  or kids.
Right?

Why can't I just toss that stone into religion and let all the worry go?
I've seen more devastation of death and loss happen to the most loving perfect friends.
Divorce and infidelity.  I've seen evil riddle the best of em.  
I've seen great amazing people get sick, and babies ail with disease and cancers.

Why?

What keeps me apart from this?
How come I can't kick this worry?

It's terrible.  And insomnia is terrible.  I actually shared this with my kids recently. And that is one reason why I write to them.  It's a reason why I am overachiever for them.  It's a reason that I will always bury anger, and hard feelings towards them or us.  I will always say many "love you's". 

If I leave, what will I leave behind?
Will they all be ok?
Will I arrive in a Heaven?
Is "He", that they speak of really out there?

If religion played a better role in my life, I am sure I wouldn't panic so much.
But for now, this has been real.

I will continue to search.

A truth seeker has become of me.

I read until I learn, but mostly I rely on experience to convince me.
Just the same that I learn about people and how some can be so perfectly unique and awesome, while others can be true assholes.

If you feel the need to pray for me, please do.
If you shake your head in disbelief of me, that's ok too.
I get it.  We will never agree on everything in this big fast life.  That's for sure.
And we will sin.  And we will make mistakes, and ask for forgiveness.  And will most certainly
do what we think is healthy to get the chance to live a long good life.  We will work hard to live comfortably.

Remember I have always marched to my own drum beat.  And probably forever will.
Sticky clammy feet and hands in the middle of the night and all. 

This is my life.  And most recently, I lie awake thinking strange things through. Like is there in fact a hell.
I do know if there is one, that child abusers of all sorts would be sitting in the corner along with those that abuse animals.  I know that rapists, and murders will sit somewhere down there too.
But does and will a God give up on us and send us there? 

I know that if there is a God, he does love me. I know I am a good person.  A good Mama, and partner.
So for now, I will continue to pray. 
Drink wine to relax my soul my body.
Perhaps I should throw some yoga in there as my friends mention.

And when I toss and turn at night, maybe....just maybe I can remind myself that I will be here for a long dang time.  I will be here for my family. 

This little ball of fire full of love isn't going anywhere.....

Right?

Happy Sunday....

Pray for me.  

See you on the flip side.  I hope.

L


ps. My post is my belief.  I am in no way convinced or expecting anyone to shower me with more religion or "their" belief.  It's more along the lines of my world.  My blog.  And my real beliefs.
And it's real, kids.  It's real. 
I share beauty.  I share love. I share fun stuff, along with silly.  And I share the real life shit that sits along side me in this life too.

pss.  deep post, huh. 

NOW.....go play!

Oh.  Day 10.  I am thankful for good wine.  Like Silver Oak from Napa. Go get some.  It will knock your undies off.  jk.  I meant socks. 

Those little slices of affirmation-

Last week I spotted this particular video on Facebook, by a couple of people. 
One, being my cousin Mindi, and second, an old coach friend...and by old, I don't mean age...Dax. ha!
I wasn't able to open on my ipad.
I was pushed over to my computer...where I sat, with crocodile tears...and nodded my head in complete agreement.

As we say...there isn't a perfect recipe to parenting.  Although we try very hard.  We do what we feel is right.
We are not always right, that's for certain.  And we are not always wrong. We just do our best...
Sometimes we lay our heads down at night with an overwhelming dose of failure.
I know I have.
And then we have those days that feel like we've mastered the challenge that was given to us.

Anywaaaay.  Thanks for the tears sweet peeps.  If you've caught this ever popular growing video already...well move on then. just kidding.  watch it again.. 
Or don't hold me responsible for your therapy in the years to come.  ha!

A refreshing view....

Day 9-  I am thankful for inspiring videos that come around in this big social media world.
Thank you Min and thank you Dax-a-roo!  


Happy Saturday Super Mama's and Daddies.

It's because of you....

Love,
Soccer Mom for one. last. time.

booooo  hoooooo.  

Day eight....

Thankful for...

Getting the chance to visit Maui this year.

I always dreamed of visiting Hawaii.

To snorkel and swim from a boat off the coastal waters just added to my little dream.

Welp, we made it to Friday.

Tonight I pack our car for our last road trip for Soccer.

We play in Santa Barbara.

And because she will be in Cabo for their very last game....this one is it...forever....

Talk about a big fat boom.  Like rockets in the sky, boom.

Have a good weekend lover birds.

Smile,

This last bit of Soccer Mama Lisa
Excuse me, as I weep without her catching a glimpse. 

Day seven...

I am thankful for coastal living.

We are luckier than we may know....

Have a super dooper day. 


And maybe head to the water side. 

Enjoy a sunset, and glass of whatever. 

Just go.

It's good for you, I promise-


Love,
Ocean life lover leese

Day six

I am most thankful for........

Every morning, every day.


Without your existence, I don't care to talk...or walk.

High five to all you worker bees today.

Do what you do best. And never ever give up.

Peace and love, on this huuummmpday. 


Leese

Day Five

I am thankful for-

Finding old pictures in my many folders.....


These are, and will mark down as some of the best days in her life....


Happy Tuesday !

Your turn to go be happy like this.  Jump in the air as you walk into work.  Or school. 

Just kidding.

Just be nice.  As they say, if you have nothing nice to say.....

boom.

L

Looking back....

The weekend was a quick whirlwind. It started with pure goodness.  With family, food, yummy cake and good love, while we celebrated our sweet girl's Chapter 18. 

As family made their way from far away...through traffic, and a long week....we landed here. 

It's not until I go back through the many pictures I take, that reality pinches my cheeks.  Our babies aren't babies any more.  

This girl was a toddler months ago.  It seems.  And I kept staring at her....

She shared sweet stories, and many laughs...with us all. 

Those eyes....

The laughter that filled the room.  Sharing the moments with her boyfriend....

Making wishes for a new beginning....

Thanking her Mom for the dinner, and gathering....

Thanking her for giving us all a place to unwind, and reminisce about birthdays.  Celebrations.
It was a perfect night...

Soon, we'd pack up and head home where things got real poopy real quick. 

If THIS doesn't explain things, well then.....I don't know what would.  I won't spare you what washed up and showed it's appearance in the toilets, shower and tubby.  Chunks of shizzazle....mixed with TP.  Good stuff kids, good stuff.  Thank goodness for spare rooms, and trundle beds...that's for sure. 

Soon enough the sun would rise, the coffee would be poured at Woody's, while we encased Gaylord like book ends at the counter...We fueled up for this fine day, with these fine peeps.  Hey world, meet the Castillo's.  Our boy Gio's parents.   

We'd catch their game vs. Poly where they spanked some bootay.  His triple as we arrived was just the first fine layer of the cake we'd catch.

The sun was bright, the sunflower seeds were in full flow, and the win was just what we all needed...(Gio playin'1st)

Good game Poly....

Sunday rolled into this....BEACH vs. STRIKERS at Redondo High...(beautiful school by the way)....We walked away with a tie.

Next up...we have Chapter Seventeen girl.....

A  nice dinner party to celebrate these seventeen years.  A gathering of old friends, new friends...and as always delicious food. And...wine.  boom.

Nothing better than a brother teaching us how to "Smize"-

Oh Jo, I love you so.   I love you too sweet Sav...and I wish you many, many more birthdays filled with good moments, happy friends, family, and a brother just like this.

Along with days filled with sugar like this....

A Grandma like this.....

An Auntie Lisa like this....

But most of all, I wish you birthday girls a very very awesome year, and many more healthy and happy ones to come.  This life is fast.

How did you spend your weekend kids?

Hopefully it was full of laughter.  Good food, and many good hugs.

If not, well I hope your days were just as you wanted.

Because you deserve it.

Big love, and another HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TOR TOR! Happy 17th Miss. Sav!

Keep on keeping on.

And yes, the shizzy situation has been cleared for take off.
The smize has been mastered.
The Monday morning blues rolled in faster that I wanted, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Gotta make a difference in this life.  Starting right........now.

ps. Sunday I was thankful for sunny soccer.  And today I am thankful for seat warmers.


Spread love,

The Mama Lisa

What are you?

Thankful for this month.

Let's do a daily tally.   The very first day of November, I am forever THANKFUL for Miss. Tori Lynn.

Today I am thankful for sunshine and the beach.

Especially during the Fall and Winter months....there is something so clear and perfect.

Perfect in every form.  At least to me.

The silence of the people-less beach.

The birds that stare back at a distance.

The missing foot steps in the sand from Summer.

The boats in the far away distance. 

It's a favorite place for me. 

I hope this day is good to you.  I hope you connect with those things and or people that make your heart full.

Hugs and high fives to you my friends...

Stay true,

L

We have spirit, yes we do!

I never thought I would chatter... "Oh my word, this is our last homecoming at Los Al"-

 The last dance to check kids in.  The last huge assembly. 

There's a certain bit of experience that bring on confidence.

As they represent their school, and especially all sports related spirit, it will not, and can not be altered.

 As a matter of fact, this year, ehh emm.  I think our Seniors turned that dial up just one more notch!

Boom! Everybody say....Los Al!!!!   Loooosss ALLLL!

Tonight we play the Huntington Beach Oilers.   Our cars eat oil for breakfast.  We will eat HB for dinna! 

As I walked on campus, I had this overwhelming feeling wash over me.  Kind of a eery feeling of...wow, this is it.  How could these last few years come so fast? 

The friends you make.  Friends that will stay in your life forever.  Some will be gone.  Some will make a difference in your choices in this life.  The roots of friendships.  Some blossom, some fade away...

ASB (Gianni) and that fine group of kids set up that entire school until TWO....Thirty AM.   

Because their dedication to this wonderful student body is what makes their title, that title.  

Self earned. Hard work. And true dedication.  These bonds.  Forever instilled in their little hearts. Love. 

And the calendar days flip over and over....and we inch closer and closer to directions.  Many different directions.  In more ways than one.  

Sara Sanger is a Homecoming Princess this year.  Along with a couple other of Kali's friends.....And so we root them on.  This hardcore soccer player, is one of the best.  And I am proud of her.  

Proud of some of these football guys, and their cheerleading dance.  Pretty snazzy dudes.  

Our entire school was lined with posters.  Every inch of the floor, and walls.    GO LOS AL! 

KK, you beauty you. 

Another soccer studdette.  Miss. Sav.....your smile is always infectious.  Your hugs melt my soul.   And your birthday is creeping up like a spider......boom.

One of the Prima's.   Mac Dut.   Love you sweet sugar plum.  You will always be one of my birdies.  

These girls....

Best friend and boyfriend.  Oh, hi Jake.  (Speaking of which...remember the name Jake Nix in the baseball world...trust me...)

It's a Thursday morning.  I'm at fiberglass land. With more computer issues. Waiting for my computer to upload some new software, and my phone rings. It's this girl.  And she says..."Leese, are you going to the assembly"?  We are meeting at Bonjour Bagels, and you must come.  As Senior parents, when someone says this, it's true..you try to wrap things up, and just get there.

It was one of the best decisions I made for myself this week.  When we talk about making a difference and being in the NOW, it couldn't be more true.
My work is here.
My work will be here.
The phones will continue to ring, and the vendors will continue to stalk me.
The parts will be in production, and the shipments will receive my approval.

But if I can just step back for a few, when it's needed...well then it's capturing this life.  With my girl.
For her future.  For this life.  Because way to often, we don't know to step back and capture what really is important.

And to ME?  My kids. This life.  And these memories.  The ones that I store in the memory bank.

For her.  For him.  And for me.

And we will be way richer, trust me. 


Happy Friday Kids.

GO GRIFFINS!  

Los Al, you make me proud.  Very very proud.  

These are the days....that is for one hundred percent....sure.

HB Oilers....you better be ready oily heads.


Happy Birthday Miss. Tori Lynn-

More on this sweet beauty tomorrow.  We will celebrate her eighteen years in this life tonight.
I can't believe it's 18.  It seems a simple quick memory that I arrived at your house on Halloween night with a mommy bent over her night stand in labor.  Her full big belly filled with either a boy or a girl.  The drive to the hospital with little 8 week old Kali in my tummy...wondering and hoping for a girl.  It wasn't until a little after noon the very next day, we'd sob with delight as you made your entrance.  Long fingers, long toes, big beautiful eyes like your mama, and a sweet cry to melt every nurse and doctor in the room.
Happy Birthday sweet girl.  How lucky to have our two sweet girls 6 months apart.  How lucky.....how lucky.....
Keep up your hard work, and your independent kick ass ways.  It's beautiful.  More than you may even know.  Right now.....

Be safe, eat well, and treat yourself to what makes you happy.

A warm bed, or a bike ride along the water side.  Go do it.

Just make a difference some way, and some how.

Go live this life.  We have one chance.

Big love,

Leese