Full Circle

Departing in the heat of summer. 

To a place unknown.  The familiarity would be 3 sorority sisters who feel like blood sisters to her now.  Learning to navigate the small streets of Florence.  The food. The schedules.  Trains.  People. Wine.  Olive oil.  4 classes. 2 days of the week. The rest proving to accept the amazing lessons in life.  Travels.  Humans. Nature. 

December would come.  The temperature would drop to 30 degrees.  The streets lined with lots of rain.  Thunderstorms.  Tourists in that little town would slowly dissipate.  The quiet of the flocks flying away from that popular spot. 

The homesickness would kick-in, in November. 

A mom would remind her that in exactly one more month she'd be landing back on US soil.  A place that is suffering such turmoil these days. 

Fires. Politics. Warm temperatures.  

A semester abroad studying in an Art School.  Proving that fear of being so far away is doable.  Flying with your wings spread wide for your heart to beat strong for, is the best compliment to yourself.  

To you Kali.

These life lessons of this semester will prove its worth for years and years. 

I secretly have been counting down the hours to see you again.  Mostly to know you're home safe. From harm.  From the countless things that a mother worries about, but told herself over and over that if something happened to you, you were doing something you wanted to do.  And loved. 

I am rushing around making sure there's fresh flannel sheets on your bed, per your request.  You have no Christmas gifts this year, because...well, Italy...jk- LOL

Just kidding. I'll help fund your nails.  And mayyyybe your hair trim.  

Might get really crazy and fill your stocking. 

Bring it home little one. 

Bring home those hundreds of pictures.  And videos. 

 I can't wait to sip coffee this weekend.  Together.  Smiling at the challenge you accepted and accomplished. 

You make me proud.  

You make Dad proud.

You make your grandparents proud. 

Mostly, this mom.  

I know the real you.  And this adventure was far from what you've ever imagined doing ten years ago. 

   

 My little birdie.....I hope your 14 hour flight is full of good people.  

May God help ease your anxiety, and your fears.  

I love you ----

7 Countries- 15 Cities- 4 Months. 

Countless train rides.  Bus rides you'll never forget.

Back pack packin' down the cobblestone streets of Italy.

So much charm, laughter, love, good food, bad food, fun times, sad times, silly bike rides and most of all the EXPERIENCE on this beautiful Mother Earth. 

Happy Wednesday!

If you need me this weekend, I'll be cooking, listening, loving and cookin' some more....

xo

This Mama Lisa

Holiday Reset Buttons.

First of all, I want to say "Thank you"---

Thank you to each and every friend that reached your arms out to hug me last week.  Whether it was a chat with my son, or a hug around my shoulders.  Little distractions along the way with texts' coming in from so and so... I can always rely on my friends and family for that.  I took one call from a long time friend we haven't seen in forever, and his words were so warm.  So full of hope.  Even though I started to cry mid-sentence he just picked up the pieces over the phone and kept it moving. 

Compassion. 

Last week, and the week before that was a doozy for me. 

For Kris. 

At one point, I thought I was losing my mind, but then quickly reminded myself, I am strong enough to pull through this moment in time. These pages in yet another chapter. 

Finding answers I need to for healing.  For jacked up doctors that treated him and me like we were creatures in a forest.  Leaving my legacy of "TAKE NO SHIT IN HEALTHCARE"   

Trust me, that doctor will never forget who I am. (A covering doctor in LB, was a complete asshole)

I am a warrior mom. For my warrior son. 

But we made it through. 

14 days of grit.  Of bronchitis. 

Of fever.  Body aches. Chills. 

Vomit.

Tears.

Frustration.

Emails.

Calls. 

Yet again. If we've walked across gravel barefoot, we most certainly can again....

The experience of change still happens whether we want it to or not.  

As is true in this life, right? Change. Forward. Backward. And forward again.

Part of my week would be considered loony if you ask me. 

One morning I ordered a coffee at the Starbucks counter in Vons, to soon walk away gathering a few groceries I needed, realizing I had left that coffee up at the counter.  (After filling my little cart...The look on the young girls face as I went back...lolz)

A true testament of "you never know what someone is dealing with"-

#thatzombielife. 

Kris is feeling much better.  He still climbs tall mountains every single day.  His body trying to get back in the groove.  Trying to grow into a new man.  Weak in every way.  

This morning we spoke about Jeff (Jens dad whom he grew very very close to), and how it still impacts him. He shed tears, which don't really come so easy for him. He surely misses him. 

Barcelona Spain November 2017

We received this post card from Kali last night.  

Her sweet words to us.  For a minute in time, I reflected on how far we've all come. In between the amazing Christmas cards we've received, it was that moment of gratitude that came from our littlest.  Sending a love note to her mom from across the world. A season of her life changing.  A semester abroad coming to an end.  The timing of that post card rollin' in just after a storm.  A storm in her moms heart.  A body so exhausted from her week prior manic mode.  

The exhale.

Keeping boundaries in check. Saying no to things that are toxic to me. Most especially humans that are toxic. Things I have no control of.  

To keep my circle close, and narrow.  To stay slow and present for the important things.  To limit things I need to. 

Small steps forward. 

Taking care of those I need to. 

When I need to. 

Barcelona Spain November 2017

To celebrate Christmas the way it should be celebrated.  With simple ways to love. 

Food. Music. Moments. 

New recipes.  

New friends.

New plans.

New changes. 

Hopefully forward.  More moments moving forward, healing, spiritual, and emotional. 

Forward. 

Bring it on in Kali.....May your flight be filled with healthy people and wide seats....xo

Dropped the news to Kris and Kali today that I will quarantine Kali when she arrives back....

Proceed At Your Own Risk with visits.....LOL! Sorry, not sorry, but those long plane trips sling some crazy shiz.   #justspeakingthetruth.  

Also side note to any of you transplant friends- Hang tight...I know it's easy to think it will stay hard forever, but you'll get some fresh air in between.  Just push on through.  I know easier said than done...Tighten that seat belt a little bit more. If someone offers help.  And compassion. And an ear.  Take it.  The energy will come back to you and because of your suffering you will be so good at noticing the small cries for help in the future.  

Sunday before last we caught the sunset at Surfside.  But don't be fooled how sweet that sounds because 

we bickered over something so stupid that I soon rolled that cute towel into a ball and off we went for home.  Cuz, full moon. duh. 

But this week life is all rainbows and unicorns!  

Be good friends.  Or kick ass, and be BAD!

Just keep swimming.........keep on swimming.....

This Mama Lisa

Friday LAUGHTER!

Kristin Wigg is just amazing. 

Enjoy my friends, I surely did.  

Kali sent this to me overnight, and I could not stop laughing this morning....!

Thank you Kali....xo

Just so good!

I hope your Friday and weekend are what you deserve.

  Peace.  Love.  Kindness.

Hallelujah

(By the way, this song is my favorite holiday song-LOVE LOVE LOVE it!)

Now go spread compassion......

This Mama Lisa

As The World Goes By.

Hey friends....

1.2.3. Check. Check. 1.2.3.

It's become increasingly clear that I am fighting through the holiday season just like some of you.  

Each and every holiday season in years past, I would struggle with the happy-go-lucky vibe. This year rearing its ugly head again.  Stress. Sickness. Fear. Anxiety. Politics. Fires.
I mean, I can go on and on...but you feel it too, right?

Ok, maybe not...but bear with me. 

Here I am. Back in the jungle of grief.  PTSD.
Whatever the fuck it is, it sucks. 

Here's the thing. I, along with millions of others, struggle through the same agony, year after year. 

I put on my best face, day after day, after day.  

When we arrived home from Havasu, Kris wasn't feeling well.  As a matter of fact, he started feeling "like shit" (as he states)- Which I don't blame him, he truly does.  He doesn't feel good most days.  That holiday weekend was no different.  Only by Sunday he felt terrible.  

A virus grabbed him. And grabbed him hard. 

Being the momcologist that I have become, I hover.  I email. I call. I do what every mother does.  She tries to make it better. These last 10 days have not been easy.  

My reminder to you all is hold on to compassion.

Remember the word compassion.

Remember the person you stand next to in the market. 

Getting gas.

Serving you a meal. 

Standing behind or in front of you with a frown.

Losing all patience as you stand in line.  

Let the bully asshole driver pass you.  (that's a tough one for me) 

You NEVER know what someone is fighting through.

Pain. Sickness. Depression. Finding out terrible news about a family member.

Job loss.

Financial messes. 

Most important, try to offer more kindness.  Open the door for a stranger.  Offer a compliment. 

Smile at that person passing you.  You NEVER know what they are going through.

I met a lady at the doctors office the other day with Kris. She knows him from doing labs there.

Her husband died last year of leukemia.  They met on a bad day.  For her. 

A day she had no idea what my son was there for.  Their first time meeting, he stood there with his dog...and she was short with him. Not realizing his dog is his peace.  He shared love. 
Kindness. 
Words. 

Compassion.

Finding out they share a small common subject.  He can recall how sad she was. 
 Their compassion for one another, never failing now.  She knows my son the second she sees him.
I stood next to him in line, staring at her.
She knows my grief and fear, and yet I know the jacked up path she wobbled down, and lost.

We shared compassion.  She shared a story that resonated so deep in my heart.  I get it. 

I get her.  

Reach out this season friends.

To people.  To humans that need love.

Compassion.

Holiday bullshit sales of 50% off things you don't need.  Think about that. 

Be grateful for your health if you're lucky enough to be healthy.  Be grateful for healthy family members, and children. Reach out to that person who's struggling.  Whether it be sad times, or the uphill battle of this life. 

Everyone needs compassion.

And love. 

It's just what will get us all through. 

My sister commented the other day just how lucky I am to have Bill.  To have someone who is walking this chapter with me. When he has a plate full, he's still willing to push the hair away from my face, and make me smile.  To remind me we'll get through.  

Life is fragile. 

I hope you remind yourself just like I do that we can and will get through these days.  As hard as they are.  We will.

Thanksgiving 2017 -Alone in the middle of the lake. 

(My nose, is woah...LOL #Ziggy)

Christmas, and all the other holidays just add that extra twinge of emotion.  

At least for me. 

Thank you Bill.

Thank you Tina.

Thank you sisters-in-love. 

Thank you neighbors.

Thank you best friends. 

Thank you family.

Thank you thank you thank.

For understanding my grief. 

It's been brutal lately.

That gosh darn full moon surely didn't help my case..that's for sure..

xo

 Tuesday December 5, 2017 

 I hope you all share moments of compassion somewhere, somehow, this Christmas season.

My love and peace to you...

Keep swimming....

And as this world goes by, show compassion.

--YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT SOMEONE IS GOING THROUGH--

This Mama Lisa

PS- To our firefighting friends and family out there.....WE THANK YOU!  THE WORLD IS LUCKY TO HAVE YOU!

The Mid Week Grind

A few years ago I remember jotting down all the beautiful things I'd want to pour my heart out in this blog.  About butterflies and lily pads -lolz!.  I'd sit down, put on my good music, and type away.....
Life was grand, minus the tiny bits of "stress"...or anguish I'd watch my kids go through.
You know, break-ups, heartbreak, friendships, financial decisions...etc.

  

We'd step away as a couple laughing the weekend away....

Little Did I Know---  LOL- (I posted this in 2014)

I can remember the days of taking pictures of all the mundane things we enjoyed.  Cups of coffee.  Wine.  Ocean waves.  The kids. Their friends.  Kali's prom shoes she wore 2 hours on one night of the year.   Bucksie, Bucksie and more Bucksie.....

All the little sweet, and not so sweet things I shared with you. 

Monday morning as I put myself together for work and was staring at circles under my eyes I could feel the shift of the month. Reality that the weekend bliss was over, (bliss for my weekend was gardening, meal planning and cooking a big pot of chili and chicken rice soup) and the grind of the week was truly, and really...in my face. I sipped my coffee, lower back hurting, waiting for this months season premiere of shark week.  Mind racing. Music playing from my iPad.  That John Denver station I had to change over to Norah Jones because tears just got the best of me.  The pity party of this life.  My new life.  Kris' new life.  Kali's life ahead of her as a young female in this big hardened world.  This world of death.  Shootings. Violence. Terrorism.  I literally turned the news off although I love local news, weather, and sometimes traffic.  It all just sucks.  Shooting here.  Shooting there.  Media interviewing a father that just lost a son. Why do we do this?  Heartbreak and more heartbreak. 

I literally stared at myself in a pity party. That Monday morning was a pity party for Lisa.  The tired human that must push through. Realizing later, daylight savings sucks ass.

 At one point I reminded myself something I so often preach.

YOU HAVE MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE WILL EVER HAVE...SOME HAVE NOTHING!

You have your son! 

 Many times I sit back down on my bed. To pray and to meditate. 

Kris and Jen have a much needed trip planned next week.  To a place they've never been.  To a place that offers warmth.  Ocean. Sand. Fishing. Good people. And God please help them, with good food.  A place called Cabo San Lucas.  

Where kind people greet you. 

And then it hit me.  I needed to change his appointment from 11/17.  He wouldn't be here for that day of labs, and appointments.  I needed to send that text to him. Opening up that conversation on a Monday. I secretly despise sending him things related to bone marrow appt changes. labs.  It's like this disgusting procrastination I want to do.

Hide.  

I needed to get in touch with his doctors office to order Zpak (strong antibiotics for any possible issues that "could" come up) He needs all meds refilled just in case...etc.etc.etc. fucking etc!!! That chemo warning bag so he doesn't get harassed by border agents. 

The same pattern takes place.  My email turns into action.  Action turns into labs.  Labs turn into a video appt at 4pm. 

Tuesday morning.  11/7/17 (our lucky number 7's)

 He waits.  I wait.  

THIS MOM SITS AND FRANTICALLY WAITS FOR THAT EMAIL THAT READS 

"YOU HAVE NEW LAB RESULTS"-  

The labs come in, the mom sorts through.  There's 12 to be exact.  My under arms sweat until I open each and every one.  Whites, Platelets, Lymphocites, Basophils....

My eyes swish back and forth...lolz

It's no surprise to you that labs pull me down like a weight.  I must choose between getting ready for work that morning, or curling up like a fucking freak mess and pretending this isn't our life.

It's labs.

Some might read this and roll their eyes....
"He's fine, why is she such a weirdo"..

It's a warrior mom life forever kids. 

Isn't it true that as a mom you live this life to pardon your kids of pain. Of bad news.  Of hurt.  So the last thing you'd ever want to do is call them with labs or something that is off?  

Am I right?  

They all looked perfect.  

It's almost to the point of normal like you and I.  Where platelets are staying in the 250-300 range.  Whites are up in the 7/8 now.  The day he was put in the hospital his platelets were at 40. 

Whites at 2. 

So why o' why do I get so nutty you guys!?

It's gonna be okay.....I tell myself this over and over.  My sister proclaims just how good he looks. But my fucked up mind says cancer isn't fair to those that look good.  Cancer is an asshole and lurches in the dark and grabs families by the neck. It's not kind in the way of "do good, be good, all is good"-

{This picture is amazing to the highest level.  Jen drinking this beer, in some garage somewhere just yells, "gives zero shits, it's Saturday, and everything is better when we're together"}

GET. IT. GIRL.......

My new uncle Jeff wears Kris' bracelet still.  The orange Captain Kris one.  He proudly told me while I stayed with them during my mama's surgery, that he'll cut it off when Kris reaches two years. 

That resonated so so deep in me. 

2 years is a huge marker. 

1 year was.

100 days was. 

Each day is. 

But 2 years is all that much better. 

I get it Jeff.  I get it. 

I thank you.  Although I find those orange bracelets around my house and I want to run to the trash and toss them to the very bottom.  But then I remind myself of the journey.  Of how close our family bound together.  His friends.  

He and I.  

Jen, and him. 

All of it.  

It's truly a miracle.

Today I had another slow odd morning.  One I will blame on shark week asshole-ness.  

Or lack of sleep. 

I've betrayed my Daily Bible reads.  I've betrayed the gym this week, when I did so well last. 

I've stared at myself longer each morning.  Praising myself for keeping it together when I've just wanted to not do anything.  

Working hard to support myself and those we employ.  Watching Bill work 6 days a week right now because this is slow season and things just get sideways.

Thank you Tina again.  For taking my frantic text Tuesday morning like a grain of sugar.  

Your reply back is always understanding. 

To Sumaira in London, you are my warrior sister for life.  You get me like NO OTHER.

I hope your Wednesday is good friends.  I hope I'm not misunderstood. I hope other warrior families get this life we must make.  Let's try to believe that things don't happen by coincidence.  Let's hope that God has a plan in place, and that all the better days are ahead for him.  For us.  For me. 

This weather is beautiful....

(Six Pack September 2017-Amador County Wine Tasting)

A day, and a place, and a moment that I will cherish with them forever. Along with a few others we've marked down as amazing.  This one goes down as one.

This Mama Lisa

Should I make it a goal to let go of the C word in 2018, and just live.  Just drink good wine, and go back to the days of 2014?  To have more faith each lab day?

Thank you, thank you, thank you for hanging in there with me friends...

I would never wish this journey on anyone.

Is the BEST, really gonna come?  I certainly hope so--

Happy Hump Day...gettahumpin!  HAHAHA...

or not. 

Full Moon Friday

And Saturday.  Both of which will give you some space to hide from the weirdos. 

Or in my case, nutty phone calls.  

But it's Friday kids!  

Life could be way worse kids. (LOL) Your mom could send these boots with your boyfriend to Italy.

Sorry Kali.  I know you mentioned one pair had a hole you just didn't know which pair.  And when you said hole, dang girl, this is a FLAP. Make sure you don't bring those things home.  HAHA!

But don't feel too bad, they're in Venice as I type.  Flappy broken boots and all. 

Awww to be 21 again....

And for those still scratching your head on her studies.  She does.  She is just making the most of how far she's made this dream.  She has 4 classes.  Two days a week.  She still carries the highest grade point average.  

Travel the world little one...and don't look back!

Kali, go ask around for Gorilla glue in Italian.  And good luck with that, like the day you asked where the shavers were.  Demonstrating could be really good.  Two words.  Gorilla. Glue.

Go. 

Love,

This Mama Lisa

Happy Birthday Tori Lynn

 Tori, I wish you a million good wishes today.  Tomorrow, and forever.  I hope you stay healthy, safe and true to yourself.  I hope you cherish all the little moments shared with those that love you so much.  You are truly a positive loving addition to our family. 

Happy Birthday Beautiful!  Auntie loves you!  xoxo

  

This time 22 years ago, I watched your body enter this world. Those long fingers, and long toes.
As I snapped shots of you with my disposable camera in complete awe of your little, but long body.
Your mom exhausted from a long night and morning of labor.  Your daddy wiping the many tears from his cheeks. 

I can't believe you're twenty two....

We love you!

Auntie Lisa and Uncle Billy!

Get it together girl....

As in blogging....

How ya doing people?

The blog life is surely suffering over here....

Who's ready for the heater to turn off, raise your hand!
Whew, what a wild week in weather.
Before you know it, we'll be bundled and complain' about the cold...
And so...let's just cherish these days.
And the beautiful sunsets.

How bout a little about me.
The girl behind this blog.
Don't care to read? It's all good, just click that little x button.
My love and peace to you. All the days, all the time.

• I love classical music. 
• I also love old school punk rock. 
• I am obsessed with peoples license plates, especially expired tags. The more expired, the more I scratch my head.  #payyourway. #doyouevenhaveinsurance
• I am extremely independent, but recently find driving alone after dark, scary!
• The following words make me laugh watching people say em- Grand Marnier, Worchester Sauce, Moist, Bunion. Oxnard LOL!
• I majorly dislike LED lights.  ew.  
• I love birds. 
• Music moves me.  
• I am impatient.  Like really bad.
• I have OCD. Little weird things. If you ask Bill, they're really big things.  But hey, it's all balance, right? LOL!
• I love to see people in love.  Parents hugging children --the best!  
• I love to water the lawn and flowers.
• My kids have made me a better person.
• I don't like people in the kitchen when I'm cooking. 
• I hate bully drivers who tailgate me.  Catch me on a bad day, I'll likely brake check those fuckers.  
• My kids don't like that part of their mom. 
• I am a chronic hand washer.  
• If my wet hands touch a plastic bag it makes my stomach turn.  *freak*
• I cuss like a sailor under my breath.  Something I'm not proud of. 
• I also pray like a saint.  All. Day. Long. 
• I question religion.  Something I am not proud of.  Just keeping it real. My son is an answered prayer, so just imagine how crazy my thoughts become. (recently a family member said something that resonated deep "what about Santa, and the Easter bunny...we can't see them") and it floated in my head all night.  
• I can't wait to meet our German donor.
• I can't leave my house with beds unmade and a sink full of dirty dishes. 
• I love the smell of my home after preparing a wonderful family meal. 
• I love my friends. 
• I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on white bread.  Something I never do because...white bread..lol
• I feel sorry for those pumpkins on display with lumps all over em.  haha
• PTSD is real. 
• I'm really disappointed in the state of our country.  
• I have no fear of flying.  If it's my time, it's my time.  Didn't feel that 5 years ago. 
• I'm obsessed with bowls.  
• I love Pottery Barn. 
• I just cut a bunch of hair off, and really wasn't stoked.  But it's hair....
• My goal before the end of the year is to give blood.  I am beyond freaked out about needles.
• I love Bad Company.
• I'm not the spa day type of girl (like that whole robe thing sitting around a quiet room-lolz, but love me a good massage)  
• Unsweetened Iced Green Tea is my jam.
• I added John Denver to my Pandora playlist ..and listen to all the beauty in this song....I hope you enjoy it as much as I did...Sunshine On My Shoulders-  the words. 
• I am not into fancy cars.  Just muscle cars.  
• I am not into designer clothes either.  Or shoes.  Although my dad taught us to spend on quality. 
• My sister wears high heels like a boss.  I do not. 
• I do not like my nose.  It's a running joke in each picture. 
• 

As they say, we all have our insecurities....(wish I knew where those earrings went)

• My dream would be to stop stressing over gifts at Christmas time, and to just enjoy the music, food and being together. 
• Finding quiet time each morning to pray has been a slice of sanity.
• I am yearning for another get-out-town breather.  
• I am easily distracted by stalking my birdies on social media.  I fall down a rabbit hole chasing Kali around Italy and Europe in general through Instagram. LOL 
• I have a staring problem.  
• I over analyze EVERYTHING.
• I don't care for Disneyland, or any amusement park.  #germs
• Probably goes with my germaphobia issues. 
• Giraffe's mesmerize me. 
• I can't stand peas. ew. 
• I still stare at Bill across the room and feel so in love. cheezie
• I like to stay home on Sunday's.  Until I don't work Monday's...it's just the sensible thing for my body. And mind.
• I love to bike ride. 
• I'm not afraid of spiders, but their webs make me dance The Mamba. 
• I think of old friends through music. 

Well gang, I filled up a post with a buncha narcissistic info you probably didn't need, but took.
Way ta take one for the team kids...way to go.

Work hard, play harder. 

Remember, some don't get the chance. 

 Do what makes YOUR heart happy.  

Be happy. Be Bright. Be You.

Kali in Ireland- October 26, 2017


Enjoy this song...it's one that takes me to childhood--

Give Me Peace

....."Give Me Hope, Help Me Cope".....

This Mama Lisa

ps- Words to live by: If its not helpful, kind, respectful or requested, think before you send, or verbalize. 

Healing

She's home.  She's healing.  She's not happy with her shaved head.  She's alive, and she's moving forward just like we imagined she would.  Pathology reports are making their way in.  Something I don't stalk or push for.  Same for my dad.  We'll get the answers we need, in all the right time.  

   

The trip was all I expected, and yet, not what I expected, at all.

We had our aunt wrap her arms around us in full form. Opening her home and two cozy beds to us.  Two aunts that sat in that waiting room with us.  Sorting.  Talking.  Laughing. Loving.  Eating. And of course sipping on a good margarita! 

A dad that paced the outer parts of that hospital, because that's just how he rolls.  Hugging and kissing his wife before and after surgery.  A kiss so special before they wheeled her away it made me fall into a blubbery mess. 

The "Sickness And In Health" clause they vowed to one another almost 50 years ago. 

The smiling eyes she gave us in recovery.  Her two daughters.  Her husband.  The words that blossomed from her soul, "I'm so glad it's all over and that devil tumor is out"-

Us too mom, us too. 

Her amazing doctor that gave us the much needed laugh we all searched for in those long hours in a hospital.  Not because he was funny.  But because when he explained the details he'd close his eyes for a long duration of time.  Have you ever encountered people that do that? They talk, and close their eyes.  LOL!

The hospital was a step beyond what I imagined.  Almost wanting to say "they had a grip over Kaiser"-  They did. Their nurses, their doctors, their staff, and most importantly....the cleanliness...

All of it. Amazing. 

The restaurants within walking distance from her very room.  Two different places my sister and aunt tucked ourselves into.  After long grueling days staring at our mom/sister....sharing a good margarita while catching the Dodgers game (Woot-Woot!).....

So yesterday is gone.  So is last week.  And the week before.  The reality of closing out that chapter is yet another reminder that "You will get through this" is true.  

The morning of surgery I had no extra words for my mom.  As a matter of fact, all I could type was "I love you".  I felt like there was nothing you can prepare or tell someone going in for brain surgery....

It's like....just walk.  

Just go. 

Just go....

And she did. 

My mom is a quiet, stoic, go-with-the-flow type of gal.  The type of woman that mumbles her frustrations under her breath.  She stands tall when she has too, yet most always just lets the vibe clear itself.  It's who she is. 

Pam.

Mom.

My aunties.  Nettie-  Thank you again.  You took us under your mama wings.  Jeff, thank you.  You both made your home feel like our home.  From the cozy bed and linens to the alkaline water you poured for me that night before we all tucked away.   The laughs we shared at dinner Nettie. My advice to you, and yet your analogy of some things still resonate and crack me up. God, the Easter Bunny, and Santa- LOL!)  

Family.

I'm thankful.  

Lyn;  Thank you for making the trek up there.  To sit with us.  Laugh with us.  Hugging us. 

That long chat we shared before bed covering things in our family.  As you stood there with that shower cap on, and I wiggled my feet in bed so relaxed, and yet learning more tid bits about our vines. 

Moments in that night that I'll remember forever. 

Thanks for flipping pages in this chapter with me. With us. 

My sister. Whom bolted back and forth with me in my "Tic-Tac" rental....LOL!!!!!

vrrrrrooooommmmm

We found sweet little restaurants close to the hospital where we'd re-group, sip wine, eat good food, and stare at one another. Sisterhood.  Gossiping in a good way about our parents.  About this life. 

About sickness and health.  About how life is good, and yet so hard.  

And that tic-tac car would get us to and from our aunt and uncles house.  

Another chapter in our family vine book closed.  Another set of pages we wrote.  

Together.  

Nettie, not sure if you read my blog anymore.  I can't thank you enough.  From the living room chat that morning.  To the reassuring hugs the morning of surgery.  To the bed I laid my tired head in.  Your home is extra warm and welcoming.

When I landed back home and my handsome birdie picked me up from the airport I reflected back to the days leading up to this closing chapter.  The nervousness I felt.  We all felt.  The unknown.  The hovering.  The fear.  The trauma.  The scary parts of surgery.  Recovery.  IV carts. Nurses with language barriers that always fuck me up.  The beeps.  The queasy things I'm not cut out for, yet partially so.  

I truly felt none of that. 

None. 

Tis' the things in life work out that way, right?  We expect to step in fire, and yet it's not fire. 

It's the complete opposite.  

There was love.  Conversation.  Laughter.  Learning. Sharing.  Family time. 

It's what I expected, and yet not what I expected. 

October, you're a wild one, that's for sure. 

 

Come on November....

I hope you're all doing okay.  Life is hard, but then again, it's pretty easy in comparison to others. 

Thankful, even when it's Monday.  A hot, dry and very warm Autumn day....

Peace, 

This Mama Lisa

ps- Baby birdie is currently in Prague-Czech Republic- Next stop Amsterdam, and Dublin Ireland!

October 2017- Chasing Dreams.....

Seasons

Seasons in life.

Chapters. 

Pages and pages of our family story.

Love, through sickness and in health. 

Vines and roots that come together. 

To help their wife. Sister. Mom. 

My mom has surgery tomorrow.  A day we all dread, yet pray for.  We pray for steady hands.  We pray this tumor comes out the way it should.  We pray that she's the strong mama bird she's always been. We pray for kind nurses that will accept her family. That will allow us to help them, help her. 

We pray for strength as family members.  As husbands.  And daughters. For her sisters.  

Seasons change.  

Healing is in the works. 

The mountain in the back she's feared to climb.  She's gonna climb.

October 18th.  

Please pray for my mom if you pray. If you're all about good juju's and well wishes....send those too.

Smile at a stranger.  You never know what they're fighting for. 

All my love,

Lisa Lynn 

Piping In.

I've been completely obsessed with an achy heart just like the rest of you with this tragedy.  I can't imagine those mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, daughters and sons receiving that phone call.  As I made the bed Monday morning and Bill made his way back to the bedroom "Hun, did we know anyone that went to a country concert in Las Vegas"?  Not even realizing what the heck was about to unravel.  I did however have this sick gut feeling we'd someway or somehow know someone effected.  

Little did we know.  Just like many of you....so and so, knew so and so.
So and so related to so and so.  So and so was a mother. A father.
A teacher.  An officer.  A good fellow.
My cousin whom loves Vegas and concerts was one of the ones jumping walls and separated from his wife scrambling in a horrid bad nightmare of fear trying to imagine she's okay. Ending up in a strangers home.  They'll forever be changed.

Hate.

Trying to keep politics out of this horrible devastation, I, like many, have my views. 

I will say, I DO NOT support any person that owns a machine gun.  Or automatic weapon.

As I do NOT believe any American household should carry/house a machine gun or weapon of that degree.

Seriously. 

Why....

Not sure what else to blog about this week....just sending you all light and love. 

I keep reading peoples posts'..."Hold the ones you love a little tighter"-

For me, it's making solid choices to say you're sorry if you are.  Or I love you, to those you do. 

Thank you to my littlest birdie whom recommended I listen to this song today.
Dear Hate
Feeling a little homesick or sad this morning she wanted to chat with mom. There's nothing better than staring at her little face on the other side of the world.  Sipping my coffee, as she settles in for the afternoon. Smiling at me.

Mom.

Daughter.

Love.

And pretty lucky.

May you walk in peace.

Smiles begin with you.

This Mama Lisa