Thirty Day Trial.

 Have you ever signed up for a Thirty Day Trial to give it a try, and deep deep down you kinda know you won't be using it.  Much. 

For me, I am not a movie or TV watcher. It takes alot for me to sit down and turn the TV on, much less watch a movie.  I've been this way since I was a little girl. 

My problem is I would always go so hard, the minute I'd sit still, I'd fall into a deep slumber.  It was a family joke that carried on through my adulthood.  The kids would say, "Mom, if we turn the movie on will you actually watch it and not get up to do chores, etc."

Back when Covid first hit I signed up for a FREE 30 Netflix Trial.  Knowing full well I wasn't going to watch much.  I began asking good friends what shows they really liked and why.  The idea was deep in my head to curl up on the couch next to Bill and get really into a show. 

Never happened.  

I would rather walk a beach, sidewalk, boardwalk, or chores. 

It's just who I am. 

Mid June came with a layout and plan of what our August would look like.  Closing out July with a major surgery to welcome a move-in date for Kris in AZ (Lake Havasu City) by the 20th.  Keys for his rental on August 10th, as he was still working.  So his mom and his auntie would take our 3rd load up (Bill and I took the first load, Bill took the second load.)

That early Friday morning I would scoop my sister up to head to the hottest days in Havasu.  Getting the keys to his rental that we'd never stepped foot inside.  And in Arizona, that town especially, you get what you pay for. 

We came armed with drawer liners, paint, bleach, and anything and everything to nest he and Lexi.

We had a glass of wine at our house first to prime ourselves for the task that lie ahead.  Case in point, I had a weary feeling the standards wouldn't live up to mine. But I digress.

My Hero.  My sister.  She sincerely picked me up off the sorrowful ground many times that trip up. 

Back story : Throughout the years we haven't always seen eye-to-eye.  I guess that happens in families. 

So for us, or for myself I keep looking at all the silver linings in the month of August.  That said, 

this is one. 

Many reasons to be told for Kris' decision (or should I say his parents nudge and push).  For what he can afford, with his dogs, cactus-lol and Patriotism. His parents go back and forth between homes. etc.

There were lots of discussion prior to this move. LOTS of head scratching from his mom, and mostly a very concerned Auntie (Tina-above) worried about his health, the heat, the sun...etc. 

I get it. 

I do too. 

But sometimes you have to look forward.  Think positive and look at his future.  Point being, there were more positives than negatives, and we just went with it. 

The irony is our old neighbors The Parsleys (whom lived directly across the street in Lakewood, remember the angel that fed me every.single.day when Kris was at City Of Hope..?) they moved a mile from Kris in Havasu two months earlier.  WILD.

God answers prayers and God does protect Kris. 

This I know for sure. 

Filthy. 

Let us take for instance, this beautiful CHANDELIER. LOL.  Filthy. The rental agency told me the house is immaculate.  Sure.  This beautiful CHannnndelllierrrr -EWWWW---was covered in grub.  Part of me wanted to yank that shit down and replace it.  Then I thought...no, Lisa. No. 

This is his chance to start from scratch and move on to something better.  In one year. 

From their bedroom looking out.  At a big wash. LOL. 

Coyote land. Scary.  But real. 

Nevermind the cockeyed light bulb...baby steps I'll get there.  haha

Painted the brown wood white.  Whatever.  Lipstick on a pig.  All good!

How the "Immaculate" drawers looked. 

Anyway, you get the picture.  Meanwhile as my sister and I are doing our nesting Mama/Auntie thing, I'm trying to convince her that AZ is the best place for Kris...etc.  

When we get in the car to head back to our house...

As Bill says...Buck Twenty Five"  

Not even worth laughing at.  I was in shock myself.  Burning my fingers as I shut the lid of Bill's truck. 

At this point I am numb. 

Scared.

Anxious. 

But forging forward. 

Isn't that what us mom's do?  We plan. We pray.  We hope. We push. Mostly we plan the best way we can possibly plan. 

With our heart out there first.  

We'd head back out of town on Sunday. I'd pick up a trailer our friend Jerry loaned me in Azusa.  Heading back to Lakewood to fill it with all the appliances, and his bed. 

The next haul up would be the big move. 

When I would come home, I would try to ground myself with Grace to continue my love and care for Bill. Who is still on crutches.  Still can't carry a glass of water, or his coffee cup very gracefully.  Sitting on the couch a tad bit depressed if I'm being honest.  A legacy of hard work left behind.  A family that betrayed him.  Years and years of being a boss.  Working hard for his future.  A major surgery left in the dust, but the remnants still unfolding daily.  His leg getting stronger, but his spirit and mental state quickly deteriorating.  I could see it.  I could feel it. 

And yet, there wasn't a fucking thing I could do.  Just keep pushing forward with a final move the following weekend.  This time I was armed with Kali and Maddie.  

When all of this started to get into rhythm Kali asked me point blank. "Mom, what and how can I help you".  I said the final move.  I need help getting the kitties up there.  I need help setting up those kitties.  I need help feeding family and friends that are helping with this move. 

Boy did they pull through.  BOY DID THEY PULL THROUGH.  Do you know each time I look at these pictures of my sister, my brother in law, my daughter and Maddie I get tears in my eyes.  IT'S HOTTER THAN HOT SNOT there and they all pulled together. 

Kris drove back and forth in the stakebed pulling a trailer 3 times in a 3 days.  My brother in law drove up early Saturday...

Everytime we'd see another UHaul we'd honk - LOL!  Can't be serious all the time!  HAHAHA

My handsome Bucky trying to adjust to his new surroundings.  A very mad Marley kitty.  Foaming mouth, holding on to the cage at times.  Bucky just rolling with the crew. 

Breakfast by Maddie! 

Kali and Hannah.  One of my biggest worries was the kitties driving the 360 miles.  Wasn't easy, but wasn't that bad.  Hannah adjusted well at our house. Marley, not so much. LOL. Under Kris' bed until we moved her one more time to Kris'.  Poor sweet girl. 

This is where Hero's get their trophy.  Every single appliance wouldn't fit.  It's 115 in garage.  Doors have to come off.  Sweat pouring down his face. 

Wayne.  My brother in law never winced. Just got it handled. 

This is where you feel the love and helpful hands from friends and family. 

There were many moments of sheer panic seeping from my body.  There were moments of pride.  Moments of sadness. Moments of what the fuck am I doing.  Moments of how much more can my soul take.  But then I kept telling myself.  Lisa, you've been through worse.  You can do this. He can do this. 

It's August in Havasu. It's gonna be hot.  Two separate neighbors have already come over to introduce themselves to him.  Proclaiming "Ya, this is the hottest August we've had in 20 years" lol. 

What I found most calming was the nature of the people there.  Taking the time to come introduce themselves.  

The moving trip would involve good memories too.  We'd get back home to dip in the pool.  Maddie would make a margarita for me to relax.  I'd have some good laughs with those girls. 

This guy.....

Wayne spent one night.  Headed back with Kris.  

We'd toggle back and forth for weeks.  I'd arrive back home tattered. Not the sweetest spirit to Bill. Something I'm not proud of but my soul was wiped out.

I'd navigate the final clean out of Lakewood.  After almost 20 years in a home you acquire more things than you'd know.  Rafters filled. Cupboards filled with memories. 

I drove away one last time with Kris the following week.  He'd make his 5th trip back to get his car.  We'd fill it the best we could.  More cactus than I'd like to admit, but that's what makes his spirit happy. 

We stood in our living room with tears.  We both looked at one another and said..."This house holds so many memories, good and bad".  

We drove off in separate directions.  I'd pray as I do.  Just before getting on the freeway he'd call. 

His car died at the end of the street. 

Better there than in the middle of nowhere. Seriously...

I turned around, arranged a rental, a friend got him to rental place and by 8:30 that night he was home bound for another week. 

I'd get back over the next morning to get his car towed, pick up his meds for the next month or two and grab his last bit of beloved cactus he grows from seeds. 

I learned a few things during the month of August.  I learned the true family and friends that step up to help.  I learned my strength and patience are harder to come by these days.  I learned that navigating the man I love the most having a major surgery days prior to a journey I had no idea would be so hard. 

I learned when you move ANYONE to another state, hire a moving crew and be done with it. 

I learned that love and family go hand in hand. 

I learned that getting up every single day with a plan to move through it will happen. Just not exactly the way you envisioned. 

I spent several hours the last couple of days with remorse.  For the way I treated Bill during the whole process.  Someone that needed me the most, and yet I pushed back the hardest.  I did my duties of meal planning, cooking, cleaning, laundry, his meds.  But there was this tension and resentment I let filter out of me.  It was all a clusterfuck in looking back. 

Kris is finally back in AZ.  Picked his car up on Monday.  I met him and Skipper for lunch and he was gone again. 

A new reality of change.

Bill left for Havasu.  He said for a couple of reasons, one being I needed a break. 

The last couple of days have still included errands and chores.  Nothing close to the last 30 days. 

I think I am shock of what we all endured. There's still dust and remnants of the change.  There will be for a while.  

I am grateful for this chance. 

For these two. 

Kris and Lexi August 2020

Skipper and Max

Lexi's mama drove up last weekend and they nested even more.  LOVE! 

For this guy for tolerating me.  Me for tolerating him.   You guys.  I've cried til I laughed and I've laughed til I cried. 

August, your 30 Day Trial is done.  Not signing up. 

The people that matter will be the matter of your life for years to come.  To the ones that never really mattered have disappeared forever. 

I have learned that a human is born with core strength in its soul forever.

I've learned that Bill and I have a bond like no other.  And the tests we endure just make us better. 

Better friends. Better family.  Better together. 

If you need a pedicure, just call me.  

Or...maybe not. 

I'm hiding from society.  From text messages and emails. I'm hiding from reality and changes. 

Home isn't a bad place after all....

Thanks for hanging in there with me kids.  

Thanks for the love you've all given Bill. The messages.  The food.  The love delivered to him when I couldn't be present.  The good friends we have that show up when the shit hits the fan.  

My family for the extra boost behind the scenes.  The messages I couldn't or didn't' take the time to reply to. 

The extra cups of coffee.....

And the best margaritas made by Maddie during the toughest summer months in Havasu. 

Now let me go replant my seeds of happiness and love.

Waiver: Don't sign the 30 Day Trial.  It's a hoax and will kick your ass-

And the words "I can do hard things" typed so frequently to my best friends that my phone saved the sentence making it easier every time I was on the brink of losing my shit. 

This Mama Lisa

The mom who spent countless days, hours and minutes researching the best options for her son.

The best surgery healing techniques for her lover.

The best vitamins to help his weary soul.

The weather patterns in September in Havasu to assure the kids won't burn and shrivel up. 

More times than not, I've felt my higher power reach down to me. Grabbing my cheeks, kissing my tears away.  I've laughed at sweaty armpits that smell like onions.  I've stared across the room at the back of Bill's head with regret of how I was treating him.  

I'm not always that gnarly when I feel like the ship is sinking.  

Only during August.  

Of Two Thousand Twenty. 

Better days ahead...That's for sure--

I love you. 

"Love the life you live, live the life you LOVE"

Ice Machine Professional.

A few years ago when Bill broke his femur we were sent home with this amazing machine.  You put ice in it, (well in our case, I put two frozen thingamiggers that go into your ice chest) and it wraps around his leg and circulates very cold water. 

The morning of his surgery after dropping him off curbside at 5:30am, I had planned to have a mammogram the same morning (8:30am) so I could be close to him in a strange silly way.  Well, from 5:30am to 8:30am and a very restless sleepless night I thought..."go back home and stick to what you're familiar with....home and safety".   That's just what I did. 

Covid Hospital Drop 5:30am.  Strange times kids, strange times. 

My homemade living room nursing station. 

I received a text from Kaiser around 6:15am stating I was on the update text list.  Whew, I thought...here we go. Game on.  By 9:30 I hadn't heard anything so I started doing what Lisa does best, and dug deep into the phone numbers I have on file for that good ol' Kaiser Resort.  After finding my way to a nurse in the surgery center she told me he'd been in since 7:16am.  Cool.  And so I'd wait some more.

By almost 1 his doctor called.  They were still closing him up but very happy with what they went in to accomplish.  Not really wanting him to stay, because of covidjovid, they had no other choice because of the extensive time he was under, along with the small complications that could arise. 

A couple hours later a nurse would call that had him in recovery offering to let me speak with him.

LOL!  His raspy voice and silly antics told me the drugs had a good firm hold on him, and all was good in the hood there in his little recovery room.

I went out to our garage getting a shower chair (a metal chair with flames we had in our showroom, small enough, safe enough and just the fitting style for my rebel)  He's had enough surgerys to know what works and won't work. A shower chair and poop help chair were a big fat no bueno for him. 

I carried the ice machine in.  Washed the chair down with bleach. Carried all our rugs in the entire house to our big tub to store.  

And waited. 

I was able to get him home the next day.  With his walker. 

A walker we've named Willy.  Willy the walker is loud.  Willy the walker kicks ass --, but also sends a signal to this mama of "hmmwhatishedoingnow" mode. 

It's been a week and two days and this rockstar is doing awesome! Finally off all his pain pills.  Only a strong aspirin for clot prevention. A couple tylenols here and there...and PT comes twice a week to get him stretched out.  His cut is from middle of his booty (what booty.lol) down to his knee.  Glued together, and sewn on the inside.  

Healing guys! HEALING.

He's a little different emotionally.  I can see a distance in his eyes. 

Often wondering what is going through his mind.  New hardware in his body.  

A new start for something he put off for so long.  For many reasons.  It's done.

So we hope for acceptance.  We hope his body receives this 3rd chance to level up.  (They tried to give him back 1 1/2 inches of length, but they can see 1inch.  Which is just rad!)

I bought him his first pair of regular flip flops without an extension on em to see how they will feel. 

I've taken pictures of him each day. 

A journal of sorts to look back on.

Kind of like my blog and the things that have come and gone in our life.

People. Friends. Family. Work.  Colleagues. Life. 

Life moves on. 

Healing is our subject. 

There is this season in our life right now.  A season to give love in ways we knew were there, but lose sight when focused on other topics.  A season to long for the end of this summer.  To soak up Fall and the goodness that comes with these new chapters. 

New beginnings.  Old friends, new friends.  

Enjoyed my bestie gathering. Celebrating Susie, and celebrating just being together.  So many things fractured in this pandemic. Politics shouting differences.  Masks hiding real smiles.  Fear lingering on our shoulders.  Humans learning this new way.  Some going with the grain, while others question the agenda. 

Sickness has passed by us, and yet daily you wonder what a tickle is in your throat versus just an allergy to the flowers you watered.  Or the lawn you cut.  

Waking at night in awe of the changes that happened to the word "Family", and yet embracing the beauty of those that come together during the hard times. 

Realizing your true friends that sit by your side during the fucked up moments, and yet looking back at the phony ones claimed as "family" that knew along a knife would eventually come out. 

It's all still enlightening to me. 

I've accepted this year 2020 as a rugged one.  One with a strange beginning yet so hopeful for a better ending.  

I'll always lean towards  HOPE.  

I've witnessed it come in slow, warm loving ways.

And I've learned that having FAITH helps more than I ever knew could. 

Happy Birthday Susie! 

For now I continue to rotate the ice machine ice thinggamiggers.  I prep food from my heart.  I drive him to and from.  I water lawns like a bandit.  I'm preparing good changes for Kris.  For us.  

I am proud of my strength.  My heart.  And most of all...Willy The Walker.

It's times like these I learn from my own past.  I learn that step by step, hour by hour you can do it. 

With friends.

With love.

And with Walker Involved Hugs.  Big big hugs. 

And wine. 

Kim Crawford Sauvignon blanc. To be exact.  Good lawrd.  You save me girl. 

Cheers to you all....

Be thankful for your home.  For your breath. For your body. 

Some are fighting to keep theirs alive.

I'll take nursing my handsome HIPSTER back to health over and over again.

Did I mention he's on a walker for 6 more weeks?

WOMP WOMP.

Don't stop git git !!! 

Love,

This Mama Lisa 

Pro Walker Slinger Into Trunk. Pro Ice Machine Filler.  Pro Meal Prepper.  Pro love giver. Pro Tell Him We Need To Change That Shirt Cuz Old Man Smell Is a Real Thing. 

Pro Back Ache Complainer.

So grateful for the life we have. 

Peace out!

Saddle Up.

For the last couple of months we've been preparing for July 28th.

A day for a new beginning.  

A chance for courage.

A chance for not giving up a work day.

A work day would jump in front of pain for him.  Remember he is the hardest working guy, hence the reason he'd never schedule this surgery. 

It's time. 

Add in this pandemic circus. And I've had some freak out moments.

Dropping the love of my life off for a huge complicated surgery case?  I mean, come on. 

Tomorrow. 

A plan to drop my dude off at the hospital entrance at 5:30am. 

Discussions we've had all along.  

About fears.

About love.

About courage. 

About time. 

About strength. 

About frustrations.

About surgeons we like. 

And about the what-if's and my silly antics. Like wanting to sneak in with nursing clothes on. jk. LOL!

If you are the praying type of human, please pray for him. 

If you are a juju tosser into the good ol' atmosphere...toss some up for him.

If you are a cheers wine clinkin' martini slingin human, clink one for him. I am too, so fair game. Have two for me. 

Pray for my strength as I tend to over mother him at times. 

Got my boots strapped in.  My mama warrior hat on.  And the love of my life wrapped in and around my heart until he's back home. 

I did book my mammogram for tomorrow at that same darn hospital, so I WILL be there anyway...so that's my weirdness and loophole to just hang around a lil' bit longer.... #freak

Much love you lovers.

Wash your hands and text Bill if you have his digits!  He'll need all the love and healing you got in yo little souls! Don't be surprised if he doesn't reply, just know he'll eventually read em.  LOVE. 

And if you wonder what I'll be doing while he's getting his Hip Hip Hooray surgery?

Oh, probably walking in circles around our house but swimming in GRACE. And lots of prayer. 

From this bravery, just like the other chapters, we'll come out stronger.  

Courage is a booger until you're in it to win it.  And we will win it!

Can I get a HIP HIP HOORAY! <---------see what I did there. LOL

Peace out.

This Mama Lisa 

Until I can't any more, I will take care of you and love you with all I have. 

Laughing At Two Thousand Twenty.

2020 LOL- Yo what's up cool cats?!

Thriving?  Surviving?

Slowly dying?

I guess we are anyway...right?

That's for damn sure.

What started out as a new chapter for us has been chapter(s) filled with goodness, fear, laughter, tears and excitement. 

From learning what masks feel most comfy, to walking through stores with my silly laughter just staring at all the fellow mask wearers.  

Always wondering what it would be like if you were dropped down in the middle of July 2020 from exactly a year ago.

But isn't that what and how life works?  One minute you're planning a new adventure in the future, and one shift and it all comes crumbling down.  I imagine the girls planning their weddings. Or a new baby on the way and only one person allowed.  OR to really spice things up in the fear department, imagine jumping into the ring of the fight for your life.  Alone. 

Insane. 

I'm sure you all have some of the same moments.  Like me, maybe some days of certainty.  While others just straight out fear?

I've tried to remain super optimistic, even though my plate is once again overfloweth. 

Nothing I can't handle.  And nothing my strength and faith can't pull me through. 

Although 2am, my body acts like world war 4 is about to start. 

So....where do we start?

Take it back to Fathers Day?  mmmk Here's my handsome dudes.  A quick trip from Newport to the island for lunch.  Kris' good friend Austin and his papa.  

Made for a nice day for them....

We jaunted back to Havasu for a few weeks....and then back again. 

Bill booked my favorite hotel for my 50th- Monarch Beach Resort back in April but a reschedule for covidbovid happened.

So July it was!

Masked up!

 Daaayyummmm

 Smokin hottie! 

A weekend alone to remember....so much fun together! 

(Birthday celebration with my besties)

We drifted back in time for Bill's Orthopedic appointment.  And appointment he's put off for years and YEARS.  He's finally ready and has been in so much pain for years with his hip.  

A date set. 

Getting it fixed. 

Along with his femur rod that has been really really hurting him...

The closer the date gets, the more anxious we're becoming.  I can't go advocate for him.  I have to drop him off and wait for the surgeon to call me to tell me he's okay.

A new chapter. 

A new chance. 

A walker ready.  An all too familiar system we'll navigate through.  We'll flip the pages like we've always done.

Kris is moving to Havasu himself.  All of this happening in the next month. 

Don't blink.....

So much. SO MUCH to wade through.

I keep telling myself, over and over again....we'll get to the other side.  Hopefully his pain will decrease. 

Hopefully they'll give him some length on a side that has since I've known him, hurts.

From shoes with extensions on em, to moving around in every day life.

It's time. 

So on Tuesday if you're the praying type, or one that meditates for good juju.  Think of my handsome. 

I'm sure I'll be a nutty nut, but hopeful.  It's my word.

I've been cleaning out cupboards for a big move and the trend on many of my mugs that I gathered shortly before donating them had the same words written on each. 

Faith. 

Love. 

Prayer. 

I was reading a trend in that cupboard.

Crosses adorn my walls with FAITH scribbled on the side. 

As they say, when one chapter closes, you keep flipping for the new one. 

What Bill and I have built together is a team.  A bond of strength.  

And he'll be up and at em sooner than later!

So three cheers for Bill-- HIP HIP HOORAY... !!  Feeling alive again is tremendous for his soul.  Being restrained for so many years in pain, in less mobility and in full work mode busting butt for his future.  

It's time.

Get behind me kids.  Let's sip good wine.  Hug tight. And share smiles.  Hopefully folks can see that smile in your eyes with your masks on...

Never EVER stop spreading compliments-

This world needs them more than ever. 

With sweaty palms, tears in my eyes some moments, but lots of HOPE in my heart.

It's what I was made for. 

And with that, we'll talk later?

Wash your hands.

In My Life

This Mama Lisa

Lord, please protect my love, my partner for life and soul mate on this Earth. May they have the wisdom to fix him.  

And one for the road....Oh my sweet Kali....