To refrain from using my blog title to say something like "Things only parents understand" feels a little grey to me. Like the void in comments after we say them. Did we really mean that? Or did we hold back from how we really feel to fluff up feelings for others? My point here is when it comes to "Proposals" and "Engagements" my whole heart feels like a mother has countless dreams for their children. Whether a boy or a girl, we want the milestones for them. Whatever their lifestyle choices may be, we deep down want the milestones. Some choose to wait. Some choose a different path. Some wait a lifetime to find what they're looking for. As a mother, we sincerely want them happy, healthy, and safe. But we also yearn for the embedded milestones we've been enriched to adore. For me and my true self, I wanted my kids to find a lifetime partner. Get engaged. Get married. Have kids. Our journey got tossed a bit along the way, and that's okay. But for my son, watching his journey has been nothing but a Cinderella story if you ask me. If you peek back in le blog you'll see my updates during his transplant. How a mom becomes a momcologist without the medical background and pay. What she wore was the bravest, strongest hat that some of us have to wear. And some don't have to wear. Just typing this out I get sweaty armpits, lol, and a racing heart. But maybe that's good. Maybe God wants me back in the driver's seat to justify how good He is. How our journey may have helped someone. Anyone.
To today.
I'll swing by my son's house and hopefully drop his favorite lunch. While he works I'll listen to his kind demeanor and reassuring soul to humans around the nation sorting through loan info. He'll whisper to me he's super busy and sorry, and the dogs will love on Grammie, and I'll leave with a smile on my face because he's alive. He is my little gold coin I was able to keep. Unlike some that left us too early. I still get the chance. I'll stare at the house they've made a home. How the VERY shy girl he brought to our home to meet 4 years ago is now his "Fiance". A word I wondered if he'd get the chance to say. He bought her ring months ago. As it was being made, Kali and I were hovering weekly with allllll the questions a sister and mom would want to know. Where are you going to do the proposal? His reply was, that she doesn't want anything super grand and super crowded, she's not into that. So we'd wait. Kali would pipe in with her meaningful suggestions. I'd protect both Kris and Kali going back and forth. Explaining to one why the other is suggesting options. LOL. Our Kali has her vibe, while Kris and Lexi have theirs. And of course, you sprinkled in mine and we had a proposal soup.
On Saturday we'd execute the idea. (a couple boat related hiccups but with patience and trust it worked out) She had NO IDEA the day was here. Hence the reply to her mom on the dock...." MOM, YOU LET ME LEAVE THE HOUSE IN SWEATS?!" we laughed and laughed and reminded her that proposals are most genuine when girls do not know. She knew the day was coming but had no idea when. Perfect, if you ask me!
So looking back at their story just melts me. Their life here in Arizona with their dogs. Their lifestyle of working hard, fishing, being a nurse, still in school, and keeping a super cute house. ALL OF IT. Makes me sit back in my seat and just think....woah. WOAH...
I used to chuckle deep down when people would say "God is good" because I thought, well what about us sitting in the hospital room soaking in the depths of Hell. What about me awake at night with a pounding heart on how I was going to save my son. What about me trying to figure out how I would live without him. How would I LIVE WITHOUT HIM? There are numerous times I've questioned religion and God. But if you see our story. My story. You will see the Hope that God is in fact there. That God does have his hand in it all. At least that's what I flip my negative thoughts into.
With all the craziness in the world right now it's my righteous time to give thanks. To look at both of our kids and praise Him.
A son who proposed to the sweetest girl. A son who is still here.
The day was long, fun, and full of people we had no idea were there to cheer from an event upstairs.
Sorry, Lexi! HA!
And as far as the birds and their poo......
Well, they were there before us so we'll let it go this time! HA!
All hands in the air, CAN I GET AN AMEN.....
AMEN!
To be here. Right now. To love, laugh, and all the cheesy signs I have hanging in my house that refer to "Family" and the moments we took for granted. It's our time. It's their time.
This my friends, THIS is love and life.
Peace,
This Mama Lisa
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