The December gloom has landed upon my shoulders.
I fought it off for weeks.
Not willing to give into the cold winter air. The gloom of the sunless harbor-side days. The hustle of the sound of Christmas. Not the beauty in trees, decor and good food, but the tight shoulders filled with stress over a pandemic.
The election drama that rolled out first, lingering in between everyone's continued Covid concerns.
Will it end?
Will people be changed forever?
Why, yes.
Friendships and family gathering, but not including other humans because of a virus.
Christmas schedules muted because no one can be held responsible for a simple hug.
Life hands out "what if's" like confetti, and yet we all just continue to walk in circles.
Are we doing the right thing, or are we killing each other with a simple gathering.
A Christmas tree is up, with no gifts wrapped yet, but a fridge is filled to the brim with all the good food.
Wine will be devoured by loved ones, but the next morning we lay awake in fear of sickness.
I woke today with my old friend "worry" and his brother "sadness".
Folding clothes that stayed in the dryer all weekend because I would rather be near my littlest birdie.
But then another trip to the pharmacy to pick up my sons 9 bottles of medicines that keep him alive and able and I walk the same halls of the oncology and I am reminded of why my shoulders are stiff.
I am reminded of the text back to my parents that WE DO NOT need anything. No gifts.
I asked for a picture of them.
A selfie if that's all they got. Whatever.
Don't spend just to spend and send.
We have fridges full of food. We have health. We have life.
To wrap and rip through within minutes.
What are we doing?
Why do I feel this way every year?
Maybe it's the network of this pandemic. The shame we all will soon feel.
Can't gather with too many because then you're the bad guy. Can't leave someone out, because then you're really a bad guy.
And so we just forge through. We're all connected in goodness and sadness. In fear and in sorrow.
Today I feel the gloom. I feel the tainted breakdown of trauma. Of the what if's.
Do we say fuckit and just keep what we've always done, and that would be..."Our best"?
Do we live fierce, wild and free in our pods while forgetting the rainbow of friends we've made along the way?
Or do we just let the New Year blossom with hopes/beliefs a vaccination will swoop down and save the world? Skeptic much Lisa? Why yes friends, yes she is.
For me, I'm stepping to the side in my own beliefs, washing my hands like a ninja like I do.
My best to you and yours.
Keep your chin up and while taking a deep breath, right now......relax your shoulders.
Maybe they're not bunched up like mine...
Just keep doing your best.
Keep the chatter out.
Stay smart, but stay true.
This life is way too fast.
Way......too fast.
Beautifully imbalanced, but full of love and silliness-
Let's continue to ride the waves kids.
No comments:
Post a Comment