Selfishness? Self Care.

 

Tomorrow at 4:29am I turn forty nine.

I am taking the day off.

It feels selfish.

It feels worth it. 

It feels good.

It feels like walking into another day.

Kris is sick again.  Back to the doctors we went yesterday.  Shortness of breath.  Lost 5 more pounds. Body cramping up.  Fingers, legs and arms the most.  

These nurses and doctors go down their list of "could-be's" and suggestions for the cramping (he's possibly lacking nutrients *duh*)  His lungs look rather clear, yet he can hardly walk from one section to another without sitting down to catch his breath. 

Argument ensued as we made our way back to the car because when I get anxious and worried I tend to nag.  I want him to be away from sick people, and sick people to be away from him. I want those that visit him shouldn't come over sick.  I want him to go to the gym and yet I want him to wear a mask and WASH HIS GAWDDAMNHANDSBETTER.

I drove home with him mad at me. 

Me mad at the situation.

#boyinabubble

I tell the doctors what I want done. What I think is the culprit as they hastily take notes.

He's cramping because he's dehydrated. 

One oncologist says to take one less Tacrolimus (anti-rejection med)

While the other says go to ER.

One nurse who've I respect for her duties in treating us, is becoming more and more of a beyatch.  

#timetoretirelady

#youdontknowhowitfeelsuntilitsyourkid

#watchoutforthatmom

I am taking a day off.

Another year around the sun and moon.  Another year to express my wishes to those that ask. A birthday.  When in reality, I just want peace.

I am taking the day off. 

It feels selfish.

To leave my work load for others to take messages.

It feels weird.

And yet it's very much needed right now.

There's a special vibe in the air on your birthday. A day OF you.  For you.  Made just for you.  And to be able to wake again is a gift. 

Some do not get this chance.

And so I will take the day for me.  I'll do my walk and pray.  I'll slowly emerge into my day. 

I'll text my son over and over checking on fever and body cramps.

It's a day of reflecting back to all the former birthdays.  The year I had a Easter Bunny cake.  Thank you mom!  Another cake was her famous chocolate cake.  One year Bill had my family come up and surprise me at the lake.  One year I cried all day.  Year before last I think I woke up at the lake and Bill had a massage set up for me.  

I am taking the day off.

  If you've sent me a card I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  They're tucked into my purse to open quietly while sipping coffee so I can soak it up. 

Pray for my boy.

Be grateful for your health kids.

It is not something everyone is blessed with.

This Mama Lisa 

Forty Nine. 

Five foot probably 3" now.

Nose still growing.

Loves Yogurtland.

Loves a good dirty martini.
Loves good cheese.
And good red wine.
Doesn't sleep well.

Weighs more than she has ever.  But hey, my spine, shoulders and heart have held alot.

Loves long walks on the beach alone. 

Loves to people watch.

Loves to see people laugh. 

Loves to see love.

More than anything....Loves her babies, and loves her Bill. 

The most.

Happy Birthday to my fellow Aries....

Cheers big ears!

A day I will waive my right to answer many phone calls, emails and paper shufflin'...

See ya on the flip-side Thursday Mo-Fo's!

xoxo

Can I get an AMEN?  Amen.............

A.M.E.N.

If you know, you know....

Happy Anniversary to my Aunt and Uncle Trabue...

Your love is admirable.