Peace & Love: Breathe In Breathe Out

*Terms and conditions alert- started this post on Wed, finished on Friday.

I was born and raised to "figure things out"- Coming from my mothers womb this way. Born a natural worrier. It's just who I am. From childhood to young adulthood, to as far back as I can remember. Fast forward to this mid part of my life, where we sprinkle parts of the recipe of wonky hormones that are all jacked up and so some days I feel doomed. While others I feel like I can take on the world. With one hand.

The worrier.

So the story goes in the life of Lisa, that each and every single night as she lays down, she wiggles her feet together to soothe away the days stresses. Most of the time my right arm tossed over my head as a form of relaxation too (also helps me breathe). My mind races all day. My hope at bedtime is to let go of most of it. Middle of the night is a tricky one. Sometimes too many fermented squished grapes (wine) creates thee most terrible anxiety. These days I have to toss back just as much H2o as wine. Just to balance the schmalance.

Life.

Lisa started her week off with a daughter scrambling to move her stuff back home after just a month ago we moved her into a new house. And so Mama Lisa took the high tough road of parenting and had to just offer a truck to let her daughter use to move it. Because Mama Lisa works and Daddy Bill works. Stepping back, with the pride-pages turning super fast with hopes that those she shares this "moving back home" story with won't assume she doesn't have parents that want to help. Truth is she has parents that always always want to help. The funny part about second child recipe is the parents have learned that being too helpful will only stunt her ability. ALSO she has parents that are working super hard and cherish the 2 days they get to just be them. Deep in my heart, I want to do it all.
Deep in my soul, I can't.
But guess what? Her brother will. And is.
This should be interesting.
All hail to the patience of traffic, tie-downs, blankets, and two humans that really don't share much in common, other than a mama-

The weekend we celebrated all of our birdies safely tucked away Freshman Year Of College

First week away. 2014

Parenting.

I received a text from my auntie Nettie from Folsom (Wednesday). Hearing the news of a fire moving 10 miles near my parents home. Neither parent replying to her texts. Mine either.

Finally my dad answered. The jitters and anxiety fills his voice. My mom working down in Sacramento. He holding down the fort. Nothing packed. And no plans to.

His confidence beaming through the phone, most likely to appease me.
Where as in fact I can hear the tremble in his spirit.
Fires rolling through California like freight trains, with no end in sight.
Parents whom love where they live, but fear the change might eventually have to come.
Still find it ironic how my Southern California born and raised aunt whom is a RN moved with her hubby there a few years ago. A short stretch of highway from my parents, allowing us the peace knowing they are keeping a solid watch on our parents. Gratitude 1000%

Family.

Parenting.

Leg and knee pain.

I have watched Kris limp around on his knee for the last month. Something that we can just "assume" is caused by the treatment of radiation and chemo. A knee that fills with fluid, and bothers him daily.
Along with stomach issues, every.single.day.
I made him an appointment. Set for yesterday.
A day I would push for referrals, labs and answers.
A day that Lisa becomes a freak while waiting for labs.
Let's just call it, onion-underarms stench day.

The thing about him is he gets up every day, sour stomach, aching body, and still willing.
He wakes with a smile and always willing to chit chat with me even though deep inside he might feel miserable.

The shitty part for the Lisa is that most of these symptoms are the same symptoms that he complained of exactly 3 years ago. So the lisa-onion-stench-underarm mom jumps to conclusions and paints a really fucked up story in her head and so the process gets twisted beyond where it should.