Peace & Love: You Keep It Together

You keep things together for your girls. For your husband. For your sisters, brother and your mom. You generally keep to yourself. You've always been the quiet thinker, yet the last few weeks something was off. My dad noticing little characteristics that didn't quite line up. Small moments of forgetfulness. Mostly you've had behavioral changes that alerted dad.

A body that has treated you pretty well for years and years. Sixty seven years young. A mom that
still loves to run. Hike. Walk and most of all, work-out.

My mom has a brain tumor. The silver lining is so far it does NOT look like the C word.

It's 3 Centimeters, which is a tad of a booger.

When I was little I can remember her bringing me soup if I was sick. I remember her leaving a bucket next to the couch because I was the puker. When I was a teen she covered for me a few times when I had cramps and didn't want to go to school.

I wish I were closer so I could bring her soup. I wish I were closer to whip things in shape faster than they're unfolding but she has my dad. A hero in my eyes forever. The man that has loved her since their middle school days. The endless mountains they've climbed together. Good, bad, indifferent, drunk, sober, laughing, crying......

Together.

Friday morning I woke after a concert to a message from my sister "Call me when you can".

That message came in at 6:30am.

My gut knew something was wrong.

It took me a few hours to digest. I literally sat in silence. Staring at that same sign in my living room "PRAY OFTEN"- and "FAITH WORKS"

The weekend was a little sappy for me. Something I'm not proud of. Between hormones, the clouds, and the never ending cycle my soul offers, I was scared.

We gathered for a bon-fire with our group. Friends that have held my head up for years and years. I sipped wine as the sun tucked away in the cooler ocean air. I shared my fears with the girls that have held my hand through the other mountains.

I watched an amazing fire burn wood like the devil. I was mesmerized with the beauty of it all. Together. Friends. Family. Games. Fire. Smores (yuck-lol), waves. Sand. Little kids.

Today? Today I am not scared. I am at peace. As my auntie Nettie said in text last night "Your mama is gonna be okay"

And I truly feel it.

We will climb this mountain with my mom. I'll do the little things I know best. I'll continue my research, doctors, the hospital stay, info for my dad. Info he needs, and info he does not need.

There's parts of this tumor, it's removal, and hospital stay that they truly do not need to know.

Not quite yet. I'm a believer in crossing the bridges as you come to them.

Too much info can be terrifying.

Truly and really scary.

At least right now.

I shared with my sister yesterday how I am a coward when it comes to certain parts of hospital stays. Like ICU. I've never seen my mom in pain. Getting through brain surgery will be her biggest marathon ever. Nothing this warrior family can't handle.
Just a shift in tides. Pages flipped in our family books.

I've lived far from my mama since 1987-

My parents have been together since middle school. Hearing his voice crack last night and finally breaking down was reality of this life. For better or for worse. Through mountains, and valleys. Marriage. Love. Together. Best friends.

I made my promise of daughter-hood. I'll be there through all the trials.

The funny thing about my parents and us...we know one another, but then again, we've lived far and separate for many many years. So there's parts of us that neither really know.

Their pattern at home. Their choices of dinner. Their choices of routine.

The newness in this new chapter we will be forced to write. And read.

But the vine in family will bring us all back together.

Things happen for a reason. A reason we'll never fully grip. Or understand. I keep telling myself through the trials and tribulations that life could always be harder.

My mom is strong. She's healthy otherwise.

She will climb this mountain just as she has the others.

And her two little birdies will fly around the nest, her beautiful body, and most always we'll keep her
soul safe.

Enough of the sappy stuff! Here's our little birdie enjoying Italy. The broadness in travels. The mundane and yet the extravagant. She's learning. Living. Dreaming. She's not looking back, and loving it.

I caught this video of Macklemore last night and I could not stop watching.

Living life.

And remembering to live for the moment.

One phone call, one moment. This life. It's fast. It's beautiful. It's heartbreaking. But most of all, it's good.

Please pray for my mama. Please, more than anything..pray for my dad. He's gotta stay tough! The miles are too far for me to pick up the pieces right away. But we WILL get through it.

I hope you all have a wonderful end of summer.

Glorious....

Can't believe it's over...and yet I'm really excited for Fall. And Thanksgiving. And the smells and tunes of Christmas....

May peace be with you all.