Ten Days

Ten days ago we pulled into the airport with a feeling that I'd never experienced or felt before. 

I was at peace.  I was at peace knowing that all the prep work that goes into getting someone prepared to study abroad and travel to unknown parts of the world, was finally happening.  This girl worked so hard behind the scenes for what she pointed her heart towards.  

The Wednesday before leaving we'd finally have a toss of words.  Things getting lost in translation, or in her eyes "my mothering and hovering" was taking its toll.  She politely reminded me that she was a big girl.  That she knows she'll stumble, and things will happen.  She reminded me that there will be fears. And tears. She reminded me that I raised a good girl. A strong girl. She reminded me she set her compass in a direction to "try new things"  and to explore this world.  To live this life we'd given her.  Through tears we shared words.  Deep deep words.  I was bawling of course, and if you know Kali, she DOES NOT cry.  But our tears needed to fall. She needed to share these words with her mama. Words of praise, and words of acceptance. It all started with her "not needing me" to go with her to the doctors days before she'd leave.  Something I stumbled hard on.  I mean, I'm mom.  WHY? Still chartering waters with Kris. Still feeling like a warrior of the mom world.  What do you mean you don't need me Kali?

Lessons.  For me. 

Her words to me were "you've raised an adult mom"-  Although she thanked me, she felt the need the gently let go of my hand.  That everything is gonna be okay.....

-----TO. LET. GO.

And to be proud.  

  

I am beyond proud of you Kali......(she worked all summer as a nanny, making the dough she'll spend traveling all through Europe.  Germany included!) 

Bill and I both bought her simple meaningful gifts for her departure.  From me, a book: 

My Prudent Advice: Lessons For My Daughter- 

I wrote little notes on some pages that meant something to me. To us.  To her. On the back page I also wrote a note to hopefully HER daughter someday.  (Thank you Auntie Lynda for your lunch day with her, I would've never knew about this book otherwise.  Your advice, your love, your words of wisdom will stick with her forever.  And ever.)

Bill picked out a cute Kate Spade bracelet that says "Stop And Smell The Roses" engraved along the inside. 

We grabbed her few things in the back seat (Her backpack, her purse) and then opened the trunk to grab her luggage.  The luggage she was determined to not go over 50lbs.  

Guys, I can't believe how determined, and thoughtful she was in packing.  Adding in one thing, taking out another.  After our long talk that Wednesday before, I politely and kindly observed from a distance.  Always offering her compliments. Always truly impressed on how well she handled so....SO many things.

We hugged tight.  First me, then dad, then me, then one more big one.  And a kiss.  Tears, and a pat on her bottom...."Go do this Kali, and enjoy the good things the world has to offer"  Just be aware, and keep alert. 

Bill and I drove off, soon staring at one another at the stoplight with such pride. 

And that's a wrap!  She was off....We actually high-fived....LOL

I had a friend ask what she is studying in Florence...and if you know my silly side, I so badly wanted to reply (well, experience, travel, love, wine, food, culture, life...etc) But the truth in her travels is part for the Business side of her Mass Communication Media Degree.  When her Academic Adviser shared the credits she'll earn towards her degree, she truly took the opportunity mostly for the chance to just study abroad, and live outside our country, tasting and traveling through Europe.  

A story she'll share with her family and kids someday.  As they say, you'll never know unless you try. 

The finances, the journey, the departure from your boyfriend, the culture difference.  The fears of the unknown.  All of it. You won't know unless you try.  And I am so proud to say she made it a goal, and is living it. 

Just days before we lost Jeff.  The whole platform in our nests' were broken.  Shock turned into serious grief.  Grief is turning into reality.  Reality is turning into intense frustration trying to keep his business flowing.   The list goes on and on.  Kris has stepped up for the family.  He was so close to Jeff. My heart aches the most for those left in the rubble.  Renee picking up her shattered heart.  Jen trying to be there for mama, yet her heart is crumbled all over the floor.  And the list goes on and on. 

We're learning when to chat with Kali. When we're sleeping she's in class.  When we're having dinner she's sleeping.  We've face-timed, we text daily.  I find myself boasting about her more often than not.  It's just rad. 

The night she left, as I was pulling the comforter back I found this-

The giraffe friend that used to sit along top of her bassinet.  He's always held a sweet spot in our hearts.  A note and this Disneyland pin that became a rolling joke all summer.  For months we'd tuck it in awkward spots for the next one to find.  I'd find it in my shoes, and then I'd stash it somewhere for her to find. At one point attaching to her toothbrush. It went on and on.  

Tag, I'm it.  

And that's the first ten days.  I've got plenty more pictures, and will share more as we go.  If you follow her on social media, you can see she's quite content. 

I hope you all are doing okay.  Can't say it enough, we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Say sorry.  Hug tighter.  Love deeply. Through pain, and hurtful words you might wake up tomorrow with a phone call or scene you'd never want to hear, or relive. 

Ciao

This Mama Lisa