Peace & Love: Thirty Things.

My oldest birdie turns 30 tomorrow. Born at 5:45am on a Thursday morning. Staring down at his little face. Lip quivering staring back at me. The ripe age of 19. Felt like I was 29. An old soul, if you will. No other choice but to buck up and be the mom I promised him I would be for those 9 months in my belly. Every evening my lower shirt would be a tad bit dusty from my hands rubbing it. Feeling his elbows and knees move around. Not knowing the boat we'd sail off in together.

Leaving that motherhood harbor with just my husband. My parents weren't into the nurturing part of teaching me the ropes of it all. I figured it out.

Boy did I learn real quick.

Still learning.

I've been a little wallowy (not a word I know just go with it) this week. Feeling disappointed in myself for not having this huge ta-doo for him. Maybe the universe wants me to just keep celebrating his new birthday. Maybe the date of August 17, is just a day for us to love harder. His mom loving him the most, forever. The hardest, and the most.

30 things about Kris.

He LOVES all animals.
He is the strongest, most bravest dude I've ever had the privilege of knowing.
Is so into gardening and cacti right now. I can see pure peace when he's surrounded by plants.
Was a freak as a child with socks. The line had to go over the top of his toe NOT the front. Gawd-
Is a proud American.
Is teaching himself about God. And religion in general.
Can argue a person dry. HA!
Is strong willed.
Is a mama's boy.
Is not OCD like his mom.
He gets chewed up by mosquitoes.
Didn't like sweets as a kid. LOVES em now.
Is very VERY intelligent.
He's a Leo.
He has his dads hands.
He also has his demeanor.
Loves fishing, but it does bother him killing them.
He doesn't like to have his feet rubbed or touched.
Tried to teach me about caring for a lawn. Big fat LOL
Again, will try to argue a person dry. JUST NOT ME.
He loves "Oldies" (music)
Has a bigger shoe collection than any person I know.
Watches too.
Has hazel eyes.
Claims to not like bbq'd food. hmmm
Eats super slow and by the time he's done it's cold. But he doesn't care. #stopandchat
Still loves rap music.
His sense of clean, is not my sense of clean.
He has a very organized garage. His room? notsomuchsorrynotsorry
He has tons of friends.

All year long I watched several of his friends turn the pages to Chapter 30. Someone told me years ago that when you turn 30, it just goes way too fast from there. I won't argue that. It's true.

I pray he's able to see the sunshine of the world.

I pray every single day and every single night that his body is able to give him what life deserves.

My heart wanted to have a full blown party. Again.

Another part of me is very tired.

I know he knows how much I love him. The compound of loving someone for 30 years. Watching them evolve. Learning more about them as the years go by. Time can be an asshole. One moment we can't wait for it to pass, like the newborn stages. Then you walk through the teen years, wishing the same. Adult hood comes, I see a few scattered grey hairs on the top of his head.

Chapters.