Peace & Love: Grateful

2019.

I read a sign the other day that read..."We are 11 years away from 2030"-

Let that sink in.

Anyway, just checkin' in. Workin', shufflin', prayin', and sortin'.....

New Year. New Hopes. New Chances. Old feelings. New feelings.

Same me.

Same beautiful friends.

Same beautiful partner.

Same amazing, strong and loving kids.

Same job.

Same prayers.

Same HOPE.

For What Was.

For What Is.

For What Will Be.

I've never held resolutions for the New Year. (waittt, take that back..one year I tried to stop cussing, and another year I tried to give up meat- failed em both-love the F word, and love taquitos too much)

I had hopes to write in the sand as I always do on New Years Eve, but it was windier than I can ever remember it being-

A simple reminder to me. Stay in. Cook. Read. Soak up the stillness.

And just love.

Today, everytime I write the date 1/4/19 on forms, I kept thinkin' "why is this number so sticky to my mind"--

We admitted into City Of Hope 3 years ago. The feelings I wore in my mama soul are something I can never explain, and I hope that you never have to feel those. I lived and breathed adrenaline air.

I am Grateful.

For What Was.

For What Is.

For What Will Be.

To my friends that struggled through the holidays, cheers to you little fellers, you hopefully pulled through the storm, got up, showered and kicked ass, even though you didn't want to.

To family that reached out with sincere text messages filled with just love and kindness. Thank you.

To my sister whom guided me to my Grandma's on Christmas Eve.

A place that never changes. The scent of that beautiful woman. Sprinkled with dementia, yet just so so loving. Her Christmas tree story told over and over, and all I could do is just stare at her beautiful skin. Her face, her hair always stunning. This "family room" is everything to me.

The best part, I can feel her love for me. She knows who we are.

My sister making sugar cookies so we could decorate while in her presence.

Goodness gracious kids.

She didn't want her picture taken. This stereo console pictured offered lots of dancing at my Auntie Nettie's wedding back in the mid 70's. My dad twisting and of course shouting (the loudest one at a party back-in-the-ol'-days) Every picture given to her of our babies still there. The other wall holding a memorial section of the daughter she lost so tragically in an accident. As I sat there talking to her, looking up behind her with thoughts of her grief. Every mothers nightmare.

Thank you Tina for encouraging our visit.

Something I am selfishly guilty of.

Visits.

This picture means more in our little tribe than most people would understand..

Not seeing eye to eye some days, to release all grudges to gather for family, with family on Christmas Day. Because, well....love. And life.

For this popcorn below that served me a reminder to just let things be....

Someone gifted Kris this popcorn tin, and my germaphobe mama warrior mode thought I would be doing him a service to "GET THIS OUT OF THE HOUSE, OHMYGAWDYOUCANTKEEPPUTTINGYOURFINGERSINTHEREAFTEREVERYONE!

Tossed that tin in my car, and drove off.

Next stop....

A popcorn filled trunk!

It's all good, this is my farewell bid to 2018.

A year of goodness, sadness, amazing moments, and some that totally made me sit back in my seat and gasp with sheer shock. Some moments of hugging my partner tighter because things just get tough. And the other moments of logging in to lab day and exhaling as I look up to thank God.