A Wink And A Nod.

This week was a doozy. 

Kali and I navigated through some personal issues. Finally addressing and seeking the attention she rightfully deserves.  Something she's walked through for years. We'd walk together through most of the rough moments.  More and more of her intuition said "seek help" before it spirals too far and beyond (She has a severe phobia).  One thing we learned with phobia's (hers is throw-up and the stomach flu)-  For humans that have certain phobia's. Whether that be spiders, bridges, heights, driving...whatever the heck it may be.  They are real.  And they deserve to be addressed. Pretty painted pictures aren't always pretty painted pictures.  Sometimes little humans grow up to deal with bigger phobia's.

The first doc mentioned she also seemed a goal driven gal, with a over-the-top perfectionist soul. 

This is true. 

I mean, she's been the top of her grade through school and college.

She'd get migraines and dizzy during finals, and while writing papers.

However it does not discount the feelings she is harbored with constantly.

He called them "Sticky thoughts"

The slightest thought of vomit, stomach flu, or anyone around her with it, sends her into a flurry of panic. 

All this to say, seek therapy where it's due.  Don't push it under the rug.  

You are not weak. 

You are human.

Before you cave, seek help.

It's safe to say, she's on the right track.  And I am so incredibly proud of her strength to finally do something about it.  Tuesday was one that will go down in our chapter book. ("The remember that day mom") The one thing I always find so pure and so incredible is the gratitude both birdies offer during a page in the chapter we're in...  My reply is always "It's what moms do" --

The first step, as with anything, is to ask for help.  Who better, than your mama...right?  So grateful I am alive to do so.  It always breaks my heart to think of the young ones without a mama. 

I am so proud of you Kali.  These first steps are the right steps.

You're an amazing little one, that's for sure.

This mama will stand behind you as you build a better understanding of it all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kris and I carted ourselves down to Kaiser (Sunset) yesterday.  An appointment I will mark down in my book as one of the best ones yet.  And yet I was a complete asshole all week in preparing so.

I barked at Bill.  I barked at humans I shouldn't have.  And yet, even with tears in my silly eyes while driving, my apologies couldn't be more unreal.  I become a scattered mess.  

I HATE IT. 

Kris, just rolls with it.  He fidgets with his phone.  Friends calling and texting all the way there.  Did you know that hospital is only 29 miles from home, yet takes us almost 2 hours to return home.  

I am proud to say I didn't drive like a jerk though.  So that's cool. 

First stop LABS.  I was parking the car, (found a street spot, and there was already an hours worth left...GOOD SIGNS in my eyes).

I'd make my way up to the 8th Floor to wait for him. 

He steps in with the kind demeanor he offers.  And we wait.

Stepping in with our doctor....The fielding of concerns (From Kris) begin.  Asking for a second opinion for his knee.  Local doctor here (kinda cocky and a tad bit arrogant)- Our oncologist agreed.  The damage done to his knee(s) from Radiation/Prednisone is irreversible, which means he's headed towards a knee replacement. Asking Kris if he wouldn't mind coming back to LA for the specialist there to review.  Of course not!  Those doctors there understand a tad bit better just what havoc has happened.  As a matter of fact, Mr. Cocky Doc mentioned to Kris that his knee issues were due to "Age"-  

Twenty Nine.  ??  Ohhhh k. 

Labs weren't in yet.  His first comment to me, since diagnosis, mixed in with a wink and a nod...was "I'm not concerned about labs this far mom, he's so far out"  and he winked and nodded, and went back to typing.  

You guys. 

Kris received 3 vaccinations.  Hep B.  Polio and the Flu Shot. 

Kris chatted away with another patient.  Sharing his story.  He also shared that "the transplant process was actually not that bad for him, unlike some others"  

(That alone you guys makes me believe, just like child-birth...you forget the pain, and you only remember the beauty).

He weighs 134 lbs.  Which made me wince a bit.  

He eats.  He truly does.  He just needs to get some muscle back on.  His knee fixed.  

He will have an eye appointment next because cataracts are a common issue.  

The beautiful part?

We're going to start the journey of coming down and off some of his key player drugs.

Starting with Tacrolimus (Anti-rejection).   One less pill a day.  Instead of 3 a day, he'll do 2.  And each couple weeks if there's no rejection (yucky feelings) they'll continue the decrease....

A goal to be off Jakafi (PRAYING the weaning process won't flare up the Scleroderma) 

We're marking a goal for a year to do this.  Each 3 month check up.  

Doc's are hoping to pull him off of that, which will take away 3 other doses for antifungal, antiviral, and antibiotics.  

He takes 20 pills a day right now.

Chemo, however, will remain in the game. 

But to get these other playa's out of the way.... 

YOU GUYS.

It'll take a year or so...without complications. 

But it's a goal. 

We packed up.  My simple mama bag over my shoulder.  His backpack.  

A sore shoulder from the polio vacc. But a smile of relief I always see in his face when we step into that elevator. 

My text messages to Bill.  To Kali. To my sister.

A wink and a nod. 

"We're not so worried about those labs"

Repeat after me.  "We're not so worried about those labs".

And again.

And say it again and again Lisa. 

And keep praying. 

Protect my birdies.

Have a great weekend.  

I know I will.

All hands in up-in-the-airrrrrrrr

Note*  You know I checked his labs the minute I got to my office this morning. 

A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

With a wink and a nod. 

This WARRIOR Mama Lisa

Give your smiles to strangers, and your heart open to forgiveness, and lots of HOPE. 

Everything is possible. 

Even when it feels like it isn't. 

Keep swimming.

Enjoy this sunshine filled weekend. 

Kris, I am so proud of you.  You are a true definition of strength. Determination. Patience. And love. 

ps.  To Manya (my assistant) if you read this, my sincere gratitude for your patience while working next to me.  Especially this week. I am sorry that I was so so short fused.  ugh!
pss. To my homegirl Kerri in Oklahoma, thank you for your ALWAYS kind words of encouragement.  They surely help my mania....