Thursday night I had dinner with my besties, at our favorite little Italian spot in Sunset Beach. When I arrived home and tucked in for the night, I could hear wind. By midnight, the wind sounded like a freight truck making a pass. Near our window. All.Night.Long. Funny thing was, we were headed to Catalina in the morning. On a boat. And we get sea sick. EllloooLLLL!
So with red tired eyes, I washed my hair, blowed it straight...and prayed. Prayed my normal mantra, for my son. For good answers. For the clear explanations if needed. For a clear mind. For a beautiful weekend with what we call our "six-pack". Friends we made years and years ago. A tight knit group that heads in different directions for weeks at a time. But when we get together, it's like the glue never came unglued. We get one another.
When we arrived at the Catalina Express departure area, I realized there was no wind. None.
The sun was shining so bright it made my decision to wear all my ski/sleet/snow gear an ill decision. I kept looking down at my feet with a desire to just change right then and there. I did pack sandals. I didn't pack a dress. Or shorts.
The trip across was glorious. That same fleeting feeling I get on an airplane. Just the get the heck-outta-here vibe.
After enjoying the best tuna sandwich with sprouts and a salad (no tuna for Bill, little FYI on that dude, he HATES tuna, but not all. You can take that as you please-jkjk-) at a cute little sandwich shop next to Von's/that little courtyard...YUMMY!
I kept checking my phone just in case the doc's office called.By 2:00pm, I realized with our sparse phone reception, my anxious ways, doctor and nurses schedules, and Friday evening quickly approaching that nothing would set my mind in peace land until I made a call. To the doctors office. Anna, whom knows exactly who we are. Or should I say, who I am, answered. I could immediately tell she was swamped. And so I hung up. Walking myself back up to the condo where I would perch myself back onto the couch. Reaffirming to myself. No news, good news, right?
The nurse called back. Missed the call because of the reception. And so I went back to my corner down the hill a bit, and called back.
The view of our room to the right, and the view to my left. I kept staring out, and praying. I call, Anna answers. My underarms were wet (TMI), my hands shaking, heart racing. Is it me, or is life just like that? I guess my fellow transplant families get it. She said Dr. F is busy, and he'd call me back. I told her I was in a remote area, and was hard to reach. She put me on hold, coming back to say "It's clean Mrs. Stahl".
Second question to her, "How much of the donor is in him"? We don't know that yet, City Of Hope has those records and is still processing-
"Thank you Anna, and I'm sorry to bug, I just need to know....have a good weekend!"
Next call to my son. The phone breaking up because service was limited. He answered. "Hey Mama...."
"Hey bubby, your biopsy is good!" "It's clean honey"!
We'd both smile through the exhale, to change the subject by me stating how sorry I was to bug them, and him. His always kind response "Haha It's okay Mama"- and then "Hey babe, my biopsy is negative"-(to Jen)
I tried to talk more but started to cry so I slid out "I love you, have a great weekend"-
As I walked back up the hill behind me, I gave my grateful thank you's to God. Walking back into this condo telling Jodee, whom hugged me. Russ with his ever so kind smile and always kind words of wisdom. And Bill's bigger smile because he knew my silly tears were long awaited.
If you want to treat yourself and share with a crew in a spectacular place. Book it here-
I promise you won't be disappointed. Along with that, your soul will thank you.
Just bring some good wine, cozy clothes, and people that will lift your spirits.
We'd taunt Randy and Carmen with many selfies. After arriving at the cutest little condo in all the land, we'd fill up for dinner at the grocery store. Randy and Carmen would make their way across, landing to us at 6.
Russ made an amazing dinner. Tri-Tip, roasted red potatoes, steamed broccoli, and garlic cheese bread. We opened the bottle of Sarzotti's Red Cabernet- Sara and Jeff gave us (Thank you, it was fantastic!)
The funny thing about partying now, is I can't ever put my guard down completely. It just doesn't happen. And if I drink too much my sorting process gets all jacked up.
Russ, the cook. The kindest souls you'll ever meet.
Cracking up later with this picture. I said, "Be Silly"- They're like...whaaaa..?.
Ok, nevermind. HAHA!
Saturday would roll out just beautifully. Sunshine in abundance. Was so thankful I had a tank-top on under my sweater.
Six PACK!
Animal cemetery...in Avalon...
Here we have a ballet dancer, Mr. serious, and Hercules!
Cup-a-Jo with a view....
A picture to reflect on while at my desk Monday morning.....
God Bless America.....
The hills have eyes....haha
Holding my anchor. Hey there auntie Lyn.....such truth below---
From sunshine to beanies......brrrr. Lobster Catch for dinner.... WIN!
And that my friends is how you get-away. You go search for answers. For love. You call if you continue to wonder. You move mountains, then you breathe out. You beg for more mercy, yet you create mercy. You smile at a stranger, and you hug your friends a little tighter. You smile across the table at those that get you. You clink good red wine with those that have stumbled hard the last year with loss, sickness, and sadness.
You put your best foot forward and pray that every little thing is in fact, gonna be alright. You put the station on music that makes you sing along, and sometimes dance. You hold on tight in a golf cart like two kids.
You never take anything for granted anymore. From simple things like a good tuna sandwich with fresh sprouts. Or napkins (right Carmen?). Or that allen wrench kit we never figured out why it was out. (maybe that's a good thing) You feed stray kitties, and hug them a little tighter. You spill out pictures to your loved ones. Most especially your kids. You say I Love You's with so so much more meaning. You hold hands through a phone with those in this fight. Like you Jonathon. God has your plan. He knows when to come get you. Or when to let you free. You just take this rollercoaster by the balls, and ride on it a little longer. You put the ticket you didn't want so deep in your pocket reminding yourself that if you have to pull it out and ride it again you'll be just a little more brave. You'll stand in line and buckle up. As you've always had to do. Even if that stupid ticket is so mangled and soggy, you pull it out, and you get on again.
And you keep smiling....or laughing. Or crying. You just keep moving forward. And love hard.
How about that wine smile---
I'd say it's the best smile this month...
Those words- "It's clean aka negative"-
Big love to you...
.......and hey Bill...thanks for taking this ride with me. I love you. Alot.
This Warrior Mama Lisa
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