Thick love.

When you walk this Earth with a partner, slash soul mate, slash best friend, slash better half, slash other half, hubby, lover, love of your life....whatever you want to call us- You become so attached in a way that when pain strikes, you can only try your best to help them walk through it.  Tiny little bits of hell.  You see it.  You sit shot gun, and feel it. When you play what you've seen over and over in your head, it's breath taking.  Because I can see his face.  I really don't even know what he is feeling.  I just know his face.  And not in a good way.  Bill and I have been through many, many things. Good times, hard times, sad times, challenging times, sleep less nights, sickness, worry, and all that become part of this life.  It's during these times that I wish I could sweep him up and hug away his sadness.

A friend of mine Shelly said...and I quote her "Shows what a good man he is, you can judge a man by how he treats and feels about his Mom"-

Shelly, those words ring true. And I thank you for those words.  That text that I just can't delete.  At least not yet.  Because he is.  And was a true gentleman to his Mom.

For the many friends that have reached out, I thank you. Maria, Shelly, Carmen and Kyoko...to name a few. Not to mention  my parents.  My sister. My aunt and uncle. Cousins...Family. 

It means a whole heck of a lot during this time. 

During this time that when a song comes on, and tears stream down my face.  During this time that I hurt more for my love.  Because one can really never imagine what it's like to lose their parent, unless it's happened.  Their Mom.  What ever their age is. Their Mom.

Last night we all sat around the table, his sisters talked about the saved voicemails from her. 
How they never want to lose that voice.  Her. Mom.  Grandma. 
That love.

We miss her.  It's all still so shocking.  One can never be prepared.  During the last couple of years we became closer.  She trusted that I loved them. That I especially love her son. 

I miss her.  I will stand up for Gaylord.  I will stand up for his family.  Strength.  Love. Faith.

Things around us will forever remind us of her. Songs.  Colors....oh she loved pink.

Cazadora tequila. As crazy as that sounds, it will forever remind me of her.

The warm slippers she just gave me. 

Fish and chips. 

Maggie by Rod Stewart.  That I just learned last night.

Her garlic blue cheese dressing.

Her steamed cabbage and carrots.

She didn't like to cook.  But those few things will always stick with me.

For now, I will smother my lover with love.  I will hope and yearn for the good memories to float around us.

Friends and family will pull together.  Happiness will soon be found.

Thank you friends, and thank you family.  Your love will forever and ever stay in our hearts.

Bill, let's look for some sunshine.  Better days are peeking at you.


Love to you all, and hello July-

This girl Leese