Inhale, exhale. Rinse, repeat.

As of late, I am battling my sheets, blankets and pillows.  All night, every night.  And it's not them, it's me.  You see, I battle insomnia.  Usually it's a monthly pre shark frenzy thing.  But lately, it's happening way more than I'd like.  I start off exhausted, into bed I go....slumber land hits, and then boom.  2am. Wide awake.  When I wake it's like I'm on a roller coaster, on the down hill slope.  Instant butterflies in my tummy, and clammy skin evolves within seconds of knowing I am alive.  It. Is. Awful.

2 things I assume are happening.

Hormone scramble, mixed with recent life endeavors. 
I totally get it when people tell me, hey be proud, this is exciting, and awesome, and great and blah blah blah.
The truth is, there is so much paperwork, emails, logins and transfers. Not to mention the hoopla of figuring out what fits in a dorm, and what she likes.  What she wants, and what she doesn't want. What she is feeling right now, and what I feel. The energy at times in our home is incredible. Not always in a bad way.  More like super nervously excited way...In other words, she's snapped into the air like a ferocious dog would.  At times, I walk away with tears in my eyes. Because I know it's not her.  It's just this transition.
And I can only say...."I understand"-My friends that are walking the college path, Kyoko, Shelley, Maria, Cindy (whose baby is headed to TX and is our baby's best friend and is really nervous...ugh), Rox, Cindy Eastwood---hey girls....Can you feel me?  Seriously...can you feel me? This is just to name a few....

My partner just went through one hell of a loss in his life, as I walked next to him trying to hold his heart in my hands, at times, I couldn't get a full grip either. No pity party here kids. Trust me. I've walked through some major things in my life.  Stuff that maybe some of you would never imagine a young girl would see, or go through.  So I am not asking for pity. Just trying to wrap my arms around all the change.

Bill says "work out hun, you'll feel so much better"-  Deep down, I wanna say F off.  Because he goes to the gym at 445 am.  And to me, I can't even walk straight at that hour.  He is my inspiration.
I am hoping to get there kids. I will.  Big changes, mean big changes.  So pray for me.
We snuck out of town last week to check on our house.  Although it was super early in the week, and we've never jetted off so fast, it was a few days to really get a grip on life. With each other.  Our favorite kind.
We get one another.  We laugh so hard, and we filter things together even more. 

The temps mid-week were hovering in the 116's, tipping the heat scale on one day at 118.  Which walking through the parking lot was work in itself.  Not my favorite cup of tea, but with a pitcher of ice water, and a couple shots of Jagermeister....we made it work.  HA!

Handsome lover.

Wearing braids, and no makeup this week called for some crazy looking moments I am sure....but I never enjoyed the lake water so much.

 And guess what?  I spotted lake poop already.  boo.

Hey chola with your hoops. 

Between working around the house, getting chores and errands done, we'd land here. Every afternoon. Alone.  Filtering. Talking. Laughing. Sharing. Hugging. Dreaming. Staring into the sky, and smiling out to the lake. 

The smell of desert rain would remind us that the deep in the heart of summer is in fact here.

The week would close out, and our moments together would be shoved into the corner of our hearts like a little stash of goodness to get us through the more challenging days.  Back to the grind it is.  Life goes on. Planning continues.  Pages turn.....and turn.  The book of life is being written faster than I'd like.  The calendar page is gonna flip to August right before my eyes.  No turning back kids. 

Live like there is no tomorrow, and love like a lover.

Remember this life is good.  It can be hard, but we will always get through...

xoxo

Bill, I love you, and thank you for all the little spoiling' moments you share.  Like stopping the boat every 5 minutes so I can jump in.  And taking me to College Street for my favorite salad and wine.  And for working on everything around the house so that our life can be so much sweeter.  It's because of you, that I can make the best of the days.  All of them. Even the tough ones.


Happy Tuesday kids.

Be good.

Remember to be kind to all living animals.