Bent. Not Broken.

Once upon a time there was a boy.  That fell deeply in love with a beautiful girl.
They loved each other deeply for quite a while.
The moments were fun.
They were real.
They loved hard, and played harder.
They experienced things together that only they know were true.

When you are young, you believe in certain things.  One more than the other.
Soon little obstacles get placed in front.
Things change.
And soon, people change.  Not necessarily a bad thing.  A hard thing.  Hard truth.
Wicked hard truth.

Things soon came to a screeching halt.  The paths weren't lined up.

The tide has changed.  Just like on Earth.  It flows in and out.  Moving bits of us like this Earth.  Strength flows out, and pain rolls in....
We do hurt.  We miss her.  Our entire house misses her.
But the tides have changed.

As much as it hurts him.  It hurts me a thousand times more.

Because I miss her.
Everyday when I wake, I feel like it's a bad dream.
Like it will all change.  And the old normal will come back.
That we will see her. Soon she'll call.
And as not-ok-with-that as I am, I am also OK (enough) with it.
I'm not angry. Just really dealing with residual grief.  More wonder than anger.
Did he hurt her soul? Did immaturity play a shitty role in this? Yes.  It did.  I'm very sure of that.
I know that he fought hard to keep the love real.  And alive.
We all did.
I think he suffers from pangs of truth.  What could have been done.
Maybe not.
Maybe it's just this fast life, learning, searching and finding things out along the way.
The sooner the better.
He looks numb. In fact, I'm sure he is numb. 
He hurts like I've never seen my Son hurt before.
I shed tears while driving. Privately.  Only to face him with smiles, and constant words of encouragement.
Reminding him just how loved he is.  She loves him.  I know that.  This isn't easy for anyone.  But it has happened. 

It is time for him to heal and move forward and embrace this beautiful life that he has always been chasing. The pursuit of happiness hit a bump in the road. There are a thousand things I want to do and a million  dreams I wish for him. But right now I have to do what each of us need to do every day. Just start where we are and remind him what this life offers.  New chapters.  What will be, will be.

In the dark moments, there will soon be light.

We will miss hanging with her.  Our laughter, and cuddle bug Sundays.
We will miss our silly back yard bbq'n nights....together.
The many, many moments and memories we built.

She is loved.
Always will be.
There is no resentment.
We are at peace.
He will build and be stronger than ever.
It's what makes this life, a life worth living.

This song hits home.
http://youtu.be/OpQFFLBMEPI


Yes, he is bent.  And hurt.  But he is not broken.

Chasing dreams have never been bigger.

To all my friends with little ones...if the day comes when you can't kiss their boo-boo's and put bandaids on their cuts.  It's very deep. And real.  And hard. It's an indescribable pain.  Watching your child at any age go through pain is tough.
Lessons for him.  Lessons for me.  Lessons in this life.


Enjoy your Saturday Sweet Sugar plums.

Soak up the sunshine and give love where it's needed.

Be kind to all mankind (except for creeps) and animals too.

Live well, sleep well, and appreciate the uncomplicated easy things in life. 


Mama Lisa