The Littlest One.

I never knew just how deep a daughter and mothers love can get.  How we'd some days not see eye-to-eye and yet other days we'd mesh like two peas in a pod.  How we can stare at one another feeling the same pain, and yet I carried her in my body 22 1/2 years ago.  How I nursed your sweet body to flourish and become the chubbiest little cherub, whom sucked her thumb like it was her job. 
There's something about the memory of nursing your baby that never fades, because it's the most beautiful thing I ever was able to accomplish.
Hard, but amazing. 

I never knew how much I'd protect you, until you were mine.  How with every single doctor visit I'd beg to just peek at you again with his little ultrasound machine.  1.) Because I couldn't believe I was having a girl  2.) It still just amazed me to think I had this little baby in my belly wiggling around.

There's a classy side of you that will always intrigue me. Your makeup, outfits and hair can be so stunning.  And then there's the days of sweats, and messy buns HA! 

You wear heels better than your mama ever will.  

Valentines Day was a special little day for you when in elementary, mostly for the candy attached to any card.  You always cherished the cards tucked away in those bags.
I can remember making cupcakes one morning for your whole class, and you were not happy with the sprinkles I picked and so we covered them with candy hearts. 

You've attracted some of the most loving friends throughout the years.  The type of friends you'll have for a lifetime.  Those very friends dad and I feel honored to hang along with too. 

I am proud of your strength on the toughest, life altering, pulling your big girl undies up, type of days. IF there's one thing I've preached to you, is "This too shall pass" and it usually does.
Can't say the "just sleep on it" because you've inherited your sleepless sheet wrestlin' from me.
BUT, you get up and get shiz done. 

You're sassy when hungry (only to me, Grant, dad and bro-lol)  But you give your best to peers and colleagues.

You question things that don't seem right, and yet you make sure you at least "try" before asking mama for help.  (that's been a hard one for me to swallow. mama's want to fix it all)

Happy Valentines Kali. I hope you take the little lessons of just being kind to people, along with working hard for what you set your mind to, and get after it. 

Know when to hold em, and know when to fold em.  

Just know your worth, love hard, take care of yourself!

Love always, 

Mama

You Da Best

There's something about our lovership that keeps me deeply attracted to you. I'll admit there's mumbles under my breath every time you drive and I'm shot-gun.  I still think I drive better than you.  I also believe you make veggie-n-eggs on the weekend better than I ever will. I'll never forget the pancakes you recently made that required eggs, oil and water, and yet they only got a dose of water causing a rubbery situation. But our laughter was actually the recipe we actually needed..and so...
Thank goodness for the just-add-water box we had. 

You'll pretend you like to watch the news some nights before we fall asleep because it's my go-to to fall asleep.  You'd take a sitcom anytime over the news, but you know me...the weather, and more bullshit to listen to. ha. 

You'll make sure our cars, and our kids' cars have noted, legit documented oil changes, tire rotation, and if we're being real honest here, the wiper blades change-date noted.  It's little things like that, that make you so hot in my eyes. (he's let the reigns go with Kris' car-tuning, but Kris  now holds the torch with the same documentation-womp womp)

You play my-car-your-car while we're waiting or sittin' and sippin certain places to make the time go.  And it's my most favorite laughter of all time.  

You handle asshole people way better than I ever will.  Lately, the most.  I see pain in your eyes and body, and yet you keep going.  

Your ears are the cutest ears on this planet.  Next time you sit next to Bill, just look. But don't touch. lol

My sarcasm and sometimes witty ways make you roll your eyes.  Like if I say "sure" slightly sarcastic it sends you into a tizzy.  LOL

Sometimes life is fast. And sometimes slow.
Sometimes messy and sometimes clean.
Sometimes hard, and sometimes easy.
Sometimes busy and sometimes quiet.
Sometimes you'll feel like throwing in the towel, while others you'll want to wrap up together in that towel.

There's no one I'd rather wrestle this wild life with. 

Because honey badgers don't give up. 

Am-i, right?  

I can't stop laughing at this picture.  My face.  My arm.  That quad thing in the background. Bill's defeated face. 

Come on Litha. Litha, come on!

HAHAHAHA!

Lisa Lynn

Tell Them. All Week.

As Bill named this picture :  The Four Shadows.  LOL
Bill, Lisa, Grant and Kali
Bolsa Chica State Beach February 2019


Tell them you love them.

Family.  

To my family,

You are my everything.  Forever and ever.

You are what keeps mama going. 

Valentine's Week. 

The biggest thing you can give, is love.  And a smile to a stranger in need.

How about we choose that. 

Flowers, candy, dinners, and all the other over marketed hype is a bit much.

Make your own love notes.

Don't miss a chance to share what you feel.

What they mean.

Tuck a note to your daughter.

To your son.

To your husband, wife and partner.

Tell them.

Try self love.  Treat yourself to a massage.

Nice manicure.

YOU work hard for it. 

LOVE.

You.

The rest will fall into place. 

Feeling lonely? Go visit a family member. 

Feeling anxious?  Go find an animal to love on. 

Just be kind.

Don't get caught up in envious assumptions.

Love notes live on forever.  And ever.

Candy, roses, and mylar balloons don't --
(well, maybe the mylars-which are horrible for the ocean)

Get ta' love-note-writin' kids...

xoxo

If you're feeling down, don't worry, you'll be back up again.
I promise.

This Mama Lisa

Happy Friday You Worker Bee's!

Sure is beautiful out!  I hear a forecast of rain again- We'll take it Mother Earth!

Lucky to live in Southern California, where rain can slow us, but never stop us.  Where the ocean is at our backs and those snow capped mountains adorn the north. 

My parents sent me this on Wednesday.

My moms car. 

Kinda wondered why those windshield wipers are out.  Must be a mountain thing..?

I replied "turn those wipers on mama and watch your car dance"

Crickets.

boom. 

This picture is on KFI Talk Radio site this morning.  

LOL

Ok, so....what's goin' on here?!  

So many questions.....

Made me laugh this week....

Okay I'm done.  Peace out peeps.

Soak up the rest. 

Sip good wine.  Always sip good wine. 

Be kind to animals. 

Lisa

Torn Bandaids.

 World Donut Day, World Slurpee Day, World Taco Truck Day, World Coffee Day....and the list goes on and on. 

I began my blog post early yesterday morning.  Searching those folders labeled COH2017.  

Trails and trails of memories.  

Not all good.

This one right here you guys. 

I want to burn it. 

I want to delete it.

I want to shred it into a zillion pieces.

But I can't.

They Radiated my son for 4 days straight.  4 times a day.

They killed his insides.
The process for remission.
The process to close a chapter.

Torn Bandaids.

It KILLED me.

And yet. 

Here I stare at it.
His last words to a fellow patient last week, remember...?
"It wasn't that bad for me"

Gawd.

Sickening honor. 

Then we have this nurse, whom basically was overdosing my bird with Ativan, until I finally questioned his ability to sit up in the chair.

But you learn to speak up because something tells you that a dose in between those treatments of 3 hours is less than what a dose should require....

Am-I-right?

Is Mama the one to speak up and question?

You betcha farkin' dollar she did.

You just do.  

Delete these pictures?

Are they a part of who we are?

The long road we've been down...?

As a matter of fact, there are certain pictures I view that can take me back to the stench of the mask I wore.  I can drift back to the smell of the soap at Kaiser that made my dry hands drier.  I can hear the beep of an IV and instantly want to run. 

World Cancer Day.

Yesterday.

Honoring those fighting, and those we said our farewells to.  Those we'll continue to honor by sharing websites like this-

Be The Match

The Red Cross  (I can remember pacing out in front of Kaiser waiting for his platelets to arrive, he was so so weak and sick and it was his mom that would almost usher it up to the nurses station-something I want you all to remember if you're ever in the ring with someone fighting cancer.  YOU must be the wheel.  That squeaks, that turns, that gets shit done. NEVER doubt yourself, and ALWAYS question things that aren't clear.)  MY BIGGEST opinion forever and ever amen. 

Cancer. 

It's a word all of us have been affected by.  One way, or another.  We have.  Or...sadly, we will. 

I never imagined I'd be that mom that would stand bedside to my birdie praying quietly over him as he slept.  I never knew the amount of information I'd learn about the word.

World Cancer Day was yesterday.  And just like all the patterns of media that explode, there they were.  A gentle reminder from the fighters out there.  The ones still here with us.  Their given right to post a picture and title worth honoring.  The pain they felt. The pain they still feel.  The days of blur and yet those days of knocking those bad cells down one by one.  The strength in their voices now, because gosh-dammit they deserve the recognition. The fierce kick to the curb they feel about that journey. 

World Cancer Day. 

I am proud of you fighters.  To the new friends I met along the way.  Some I kindly mentored, while others I stoically stood back in awe.  The strength on a mothers face as she fights the battle today.  

I can tell you one thing.  

Cancer fighters are true hero's.  In my eyes.  TRUE. Hero's. 

I am proud of you Kris.  You continue to push through even on the darkest of days.  Even when I nag your ears off.

YOU do you.  

I love you.

To you fighters out there.... YOU ARE HERO'S!

Torn band-aids hurt.

For the record, I did shred the Radiation Certificate and tossed it in the trash months ago.
Came across it one day while purging some medical bills.

I'd rather hang up his old collection of lures.

Worth fighting for:

Take Action Now- Be The Match

This Mama Lisa

Truth

Enjoy the weekend friends....

Carry that umbrella and secure all loose belongings....a' wind is gonna blowwwww....

Batten down' the hatches kids! 

And, something worth noting.  Is that Marie Kondo craze, just bonkers? I mean, I get the whole organize and purge of goods here and there. But who's got the time to roll socks, jeans and shirts like that. And color coordinated?  N.O.  Just no. 

 Stop it. 

Homie ain't got no time for that.  

Can she show us what she does with her fitted sheets?

Wanna know what I do? I roll em up and laugh each and every single time.

Bam.

There you have it!

That's all folks.  

Unplug, don't fold socks. 

LOLS

GO RAMS!

This Mama Lisa

Leaving work on Friday's like....

The Winners.

The thing about sports is --------> I don't really follow or watch them until mid-boiling point. ie.- playoff's or finals. (rolling my eyes in embarrassment-lol)  I've gone to two professional baseball games, two basketball games, and I think one football game, (years ago, and it was the Raiders, and I can remember even way back then, I was scared shitless of those folks-sorry Monica-#LOVEU). 

What I love the most is the excitement around me.  I LOVE to see the loyal fans whom dress the dress, and walk the walk. (Happily-lol)

There's something about winning.  And winning some more.  And watching the Rams climb the bracket. There's something to say about losing too, tis the chapters we all walk through in this life. 

I can remember the great days of soccer.  Club and High School, that led us down some victorious roads.  While others led to tears, and a quiet drive home.  I can remember getting our asses handed to us one game in Huntington, which was fueled by a shitty ref (we called him Rudy The Rudolf-and I coulda swore he was drunk on the field).  The defeat in the walk out of that stadium. Fairness, not so much.  Life lessons? You bet.

Winning.  And losing.

The Superbowl.

The big weekend of celebrating our hometown team.

(Bill's a Pat's fan, so is my sister....and I'm just SO happy to see the RAMS make it to this platform. It literally thrills me to think of them winning a Super Bowl -plus their coach is hot, and so is the quarterback.  Shh lisa, stop)

Winning. 

Sure is a great feeling. 

Am I right?

Winning. 

Winner. 

Winning!

Winner!

Forever winning. 

Winning. 

Winner. 

Winner. 

Won!

Um.   Losing?  LOL!  Cindy and Kyoko, just looking at this picture gives me chills.  Worse playing conditions EVER.  Lancaster is for the birds, forever and ever amen.  And I love birds. LOL

So, back to the Rams. That last game. Amazing. 

I actually cried.  There was an older lady that came into our local watering hole (Pelican Isle), she sat down next to me at the bar, ordered a Virgin Bloody Mary (doesn't seem to be a local most likely there for just the second half...)...and at the end, she looked at me and said, oh my is this game ever gonna end....?! I nodded in agreement, as I limit myself to one brew --mayyybe two on Sundays, and I just wanted to get home to prep our food for the week-LOL.

When they won, she jumped up in sheer, outright shock and excitement, and said "This is my childhood dream"  she started to cry, and of course...well...you know me. I hugged her with huge tears in my eyes too, and out the door she went.

Excitement.

Winning. 

Winning.

Losing.

Learning that perseverance and tenacity will get you there.

With a good coach.

And a hellava good Quarterback. 

GO RAMS!

Be safe on Sunday kids. 

Uber-schmuber it babyyy! 

To GREGGO ANDERSON, this is your weekend baby! You and Donna deserve this win.  You are the shiniest fan of them all!  

To our friends Chris and Jen headed to the Superbowl, SAFE TRAVELS, and have fun! 

Winning is such a great feeling.

Life's lessons. 

"Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn"

Enjoy the rain kids.

Fill up that Well, fill in those gardens, and water our trees Mother Earth!

We're so grateful.....

This Mama Lisa

Biggest winner of them all?

Me.  Because this guy loves me. 

WINNERS! ( I took this last year and I can't delete it from my phone) 

Exit stage left Lisa.  He's gonna kill me. HAHAHAHAHA!   (enter slow clap)

Buh Byyeeeee

A Wink And A Nod.

This week was a doozy. 

Kali and I navigated through some personal issues. Finally addressing and seeking the attention she rightfully deserves.  Something she's walked through for years. We'd walk together through most of the rough moments.  More and more of her intuition said "seek help" before it spirals too far and beyond (She has a severe phobia).  One thing we learned with phobia's (hers is throw-up and the stomach flu)-  For humans that have certain phobia's. Whether that be spiders, bridges, heights, driving...whatever the heck it may be.  They are real.  And they deserve to be addressed. Pretty painted pictures aren't always pretty painted pictures.  Sometimes little humans grow up to deal with bigger phobia's.

The first doc mentioned she also seemed a goal driven gal, with a over-the-top perfectionist soul. 

This is true. 

I mean, she's been the top of her grade through school and college.

She'd get migraines and dizzy during finals, and while writing papers.

However it does not discount the feelings she is harbored with constantly.

He called them "Sticky thoughts"

The slightest thought of vomit, stomach flu, or anyone around her with it, sends her into a flurry of panic. 

All this to say, seek therapy where it's due.  Don't push it under the rug.  

You are not weak. 

You are human.

Before you cave, seek help.

It's safe to say, she's on the right track.  And I am so incredibly proud of her strength to finally do something about it.  Tuesday was one that will go down in our chapter book. ("The remember that day mom") The one thing I always find so pure and so incredible is the gratitude both birdies offer during a page in the chapter we're in...  My reply is always "It's what moms do" --

The first step, as with anything, is to ask for help.  Who better, than your mama...right?  So grateful I am alive to do so.  It always breaks my heart to think of the young ones without a mama. 

I am so proud of you Kali.  These first steps are the right steps.

You're an amazing little one, that's for sure.

This mama will stand behind you as you build a better understanding of it all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kris and I carted ourselves down to Kaiser (Sunset) yesterday.  An appointment I will mark down in my book as one of the best ones yet.  And yet I was a complete asshole all week in preparing so.

I barked at Bill.  I barked at humans I shouldn't have.  And yet, even with tears in my silly eyes while driving, my apologies couldn't be more unreal.  I become a scattered mess.  

I HATE IT. 

Kris, just rolls with it.  He fidgets with his phone.  Friends calling and texting all the way there.  Did you know that hospital is only 29 miles from home, yet takes us almost 2 hours to return home.  

I am proud to say I didn't drive like a jerk though.  So that's cool. 

First stop LABS.  I was parking the car, (found a street spot, and there was already an hours worth left...GOOD SIGNS in my eyes).

I'd make my way up to the 8th Floor to wait for him. 

He steps in with the kind demeanor he offers.  And we wait.

Stepping in with our doctor....The fielding of concerns (From Kris) begin.  Asking for a second opinion for his knee.  Local doctor here (kinda cocky and a tad bit arrogant)- Our oncologist agreed.  The damage done to his knee(s) from Radiation/Prednisone is irreversible, which means he's headed towards a knee replacement. Asking Kris if he wouldn't mind coming back to LA for the specialist there to review.  Of course not!  Those doctors there understand a tad bit better just what havoc has happened.  As a matter of fact, Mr. Cocky Doc mentioned to Kris that his knee issues were due to "Age"-  

Twenty Nine.  ??  Ohhhh k. 

Labs weren't in yet.  His first comment to me, since diagnosis, mixed in with a wink and a nod...was "I'm not concerned about labs this far mom, he's so far out"  and he winked and nodded, and went back to typing.  

You guys. 

Kris received 3 vaccinations.  Hep B.  Polio and the Flu Shot. 

Kris chatted away with another patient.  Sharing his story.  He also shared that "the transplant process was actually not that bad for him, unlike some others"  

(That alone you guys makes me believe, just like child-birth...you forget the pain, and you only remember the beauty).

He weighs 134 lbs.  Which made me wince a bit.  

He eats.  He truly does.  He just needs to get some muscle back on.  His knee fixed.  

He will have an eye appointment next because cataracts are a common issue.  

The beautiful part?

We're going to start the journey of coming down and off some of his key player drugs.

Starting with Tacrolimus (Anti-rejection).   One less pill a day.  Instead of 3 a day, he'll do 2.  And each couple weeks if there's no rejection (yucky feelings) they'll continue the decrease....

A goal to be off Jakafi (PRAYING the weaning process won't flare up the Scleroderma) 

We're marking a goal for a year to do this.  Each 3 month check up.  

Doc's are hoping to pull him off of that, which will take away 3 other doses for antifungal, antiviral, and antibiotics.  

He takes 20 pills a day right now.

Chemo, however, will remain in the game. 

But to get these other playa's out of the way.... 

YOU GUYS.

It'll take a year or so...without complications. 

But it's a goal. 

We packed up.  My simple mama bag over my shoulder.  His backpack.  

A sore shoulder from the polio vacc. But a smile of relief I always see in his face when we step into that elevator. 

My text messages to Bill.  To Kali. To my sister.

A wink and a nod. 

"We're not so worried about those labs"

Repeat after me.  "We're not so worried about those labs".

And again.

And say it again and again Lisa. 

And keep praying. 

Protect my birdies.

Have a great weekend.  

I know I will.

All hands in up-in-the-airrrrrrrr

Note*  You know I checked his labs the minute I got to my office this morning. 

A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

With a wink and a nod. 

This WARRIOR Mama Lisa

Give your smiles to strangers, and your heart open to forgiveness, and lots of HOPE. 

Everything is possible. 

Even when it feels like it isn't. 

Keep swimming.

Enjoy this sunshine filled weekend. 

Kris, I am so proud of you.  You are a true definition of strength. Determination. Patience. And love. 

ps.  To Manya (my assistant) if you read this, my sincere gratitude for your patience while working next to me.  Especially this week. I am sorry that I was so so short fused.  ugh!
pss. To my homegirl Kerri in Oklahoma, thank you for your ALWAYS kind words of encouragement.  They surely help my mania....

My Words.

What a week kids, and it's only Wednesday.  Mine has been filled with all letters that make up the word STRENGTH.  The sentences typed out across my heart in motherhood.

Walking through chapters with one bird.

And in complete awe watching the other navigate through these last three years like a champ.

Tomorrow we head back to Kaiser Hollywood for our annual check-up.  A day filled with labs.  Long walks through the concrete jungle.

My sweaty armpits. And useless chatter. 

A smaller purse slung over my body crosswise, versus a mamabird carry-all bag.

A son that looks skinnier than I've ever witnessed, but has the spirit of a rompin' toddler.

Smiles at me through it all.  Leans in when the time is needed, and leans far out when it's needed too. 

(*when I nag about what he eats).

He assures me always.

He listens closely, yet has his own opinions at this point. 

He's wishful for more sunny days, and hopeful for some playful days too. 

Tomorrow I wake, as I do, with my little sweet cute butterflies floating around my tummy (silly little guys)....and I put one foot in front of the other. And I encourage.  And I work. And I sling more papers, phone calls, and humans...not literal..haha!!! And I drive.  And I get fussy.  And I get scared.  And I get sad.  And I get bitchy. And I get hungry.  And I get sweaty. 

But most of all.....

I cherish every single second.  Even in traffic to and from.  Sitting with my bird.

Pray for him if you do!  We can't thank you enough! 

Can't wait to exhale this weekend, and praise God for his Glory in saving my son!

This Warrior Mama Lisa

Please Lord, give us good cells. Give us good counts.  Give us good weight. Give us good answers on his ailments. 

Good Reminders.

Full Moon sneakin' up on us this weekend my friends.  And with that, a reminder worth mentioning--

Watch your words. Choose your actions.

Tempers unfold faster than we want.

Breathe out when attempted to burst.

Navigate away from situations you don't feel comfortable with. It's perfectly okay to stay in, and away.  

Steer clear of weirdos and evil meanies.

Drink lightly, remember alcohol is a depressant.  -------> My name is Lisa and this is an arm wrestle for me. 

Stay hydrated.

And try to catch the full moon, should weather permit.  She's always oh ohh so beautiful!

Tuck yourself in and just soak up this wild weather.

Find a good book. Or a corner of the house that suits you.

And a good cozy blanket.

Little holla-out to this little birdie for navigating through a move into their new apartment.  For not losing her shit while putting together IKEA furniture.  Grant takes the most credit for this, in my humble mama opinion, but if you say that outloud in front of Kali, lol, she blurps something back along the lines of..."mom, I helped too!" and so I just toss out credit like it's confetti.  (Grant, you are amazing...and those cute pillows you picked out at Ikea..boom)

Ikea. =  Good cheap furniture, but requires LOTS of patience, and impeccable instruction followers. 

* the reason I buy most of our furniture from Craigslist, always in great shape, and always from a good home, and assembled! HAHAHA!  Kali don't play like that.  lolzz

Cute part about their story, both grew up in close proximity, yet met out at college. 

And now she's paying back student loans, learning how precious Sunday's are.  She's learning to prep food for the week.  Also, just how amazing crock pots are.  She's learning a thing or two about groceries, and all the prep that goes into good quality food. Trader Joe's sucks on Sunday in LB, because everyone and their pet is in there.  She's learning the realness of carrying a job, even though some colleagues are just weird.  She's made paper airplanes some days, and navigated new Macro's the next.  She's schooled Grant on how they must make their bed every single morning, because oh-my-sweet-lord.org-  Sheets are sacred.  LOL.

She sits in solid traffic some days, and has learned to take PCH for an ocean view others.

You both make me so proud!  

Happy Thursday my friends...what a wet, wild, rain-soaked-I-love-falling-asleep-to-rain, week!

Drive safe, it's almost gone!

Can't wait for the green grasses, and beautiful tree's and flowers to bloom!

Full moon viewing this Saturday and Sunday-

You are welcome. 

This Mama Lisa