F**cking Sixty!

They say it's the fine like wine year.  They say sixty is the new 50 or whatever other bullshit people feed our minds.  

This girl turns sixty f**cking years old today.

For over 20 years we've weathered through life, love, sickness and health.  We've traveled as a six pack and we've scrunched up on sofa's and sipped wine from bed. We've spilled wine on hotel comforters (she did not me LOL) YOU'VE napped in all the places.  You've served us food, love, medicine.  You've showed up at our homes to care for us.  You show up to friends houses to offer your RN care. All out of love. 

You've rescued kitties, raccoons, pups and at times, humans. 

You've treated our kids like an auntie.  You've hugged me tight and wiped tears during the hard moments. 

Sixty.

She has the most flawless skin.  Long legs.  BEAUTIFUL lips. 

She's our best friend.

Carmen, I hope you know the love we have for you.  We stand tall in our sassy Latin roots.  We've been silly in clubs. (hello Catalina NYE, a secret mission only you and I know LOL)  We've also had to snap our fingers where things need a good ass kickin'- She's my dancing partner.  She wears heels like a boss. 

I love you.

Bill loves you.

WE LOVE YOU!

Happy Birthday you beautiful human.  May God protect you.  May he give you the strength to care for your family.  Your kitties, and your home. 

Rudy not so into the celebration, but loves you so much....xo

Cheers to many, MANY more-  

Wooop Woooooopppp!

Love,  

Bill and LOSA.  AKA Laysa.  AKA beyatch.

Now, go get in your NAP!  

Helllloooo

How's it going friends?  

Hanging tough?  

I've been hovering over Kris.  We've started the process to wean off Jakafi.  The med that helped clear his Scleraderma,(GVHD) which adds 4 other meds.  In doing so, he's tapering slow, but feeling the effects every single day.  His knees are shot. 

Grateful I can help him. Grateful he's a trooper and rolls through some really tough days, with of course, a crooked smile on his face.  Last week was a doozy.  Tears were involved.  He's tired of feeling tired. Sick and tired to be honest.  A body at 30, feeling like he's 80.  And yet, you'd never know it over the phone.  Text.  Instagram. He just keeps on keeping on- 

I've been working out.  Not really seeing a huge difference, but I do feel proud of my commitment and sticking with it.  I've learned wine isn't a friendly feller when it comes to calorie counting.  Sleep too.  Both clap back at me when I toss and turn all night.  Or have a bloated belly come sunrise....

What's the gosh darn joy in life if we are constantly at war with our physique.  

This soon to be fifty year old is feelin' it. That's for sure. 

I will forge on through and do it for my soul.  

Went to the doctor today and was told my blood pressure is out of control again.  Something that made me super disappointed.  Sat there in the chair longer than I wanted.  We tried all different positions- Was thoroughly convinced by my doctor that I MUST get the flu shot.  

For those that know me, I loathe needles. Got er done, just at the tail end of flu season. 

So that's awesome- LOL

Got in trouble for feeding ducks.  It was all fun and games when they'd come by and quack for me.  

A cute duck couple with eyes on me for feeding.  She comes by, quacks. I grab the food.  They give thanks and off they'd go. 

Something rewarding to me to feed anything.  Birds?  Check.  The kids? Check.  Dogs? Check. 

So my duckies are getting me in trouble now. 

Ducks = Poop.  Bill = Not happy.  

As I sit here and type, I can here mama duck out there calling for me. Kinda makes me laugh because it might be an age thing, because tending to something makes my heart grow. 

I hope you all are doing okay.  

To my aunt Ronda and Uncle Wade....I am so sorry for your loss.  Losing a brother, in any condition is just awful.  Wish there were words or a human touch I could do to ease that pain.  

Had a nice dinner with a long time friend this week.  Those visits where you pick up from where you left off months ago.  We took a couple of pictures.  She looks great.

I look like this. 

To my amazing daughter....may you stay true and strong in your career choices and possible changes. 

You have the GRIT and the tenacity to do what YOU need and want.  I've always been incredibly proud of your ethic.  Your attendance and your dedication. 

Happy Hump Day kids!  

This Mama Lisa 

So They Say.

One of my best friends has whispered in my face more times than not.  

Do it Lisa.  We have one life.  If you get the invite? Go.  If you want to? Do it.   

Words of advice-  If you can, then go. If you are willing, then try. 

Borrowed time

All of us are on borrowed time. There are no refunds and there are no guarantees.

At some point, the only time you’ll have to worry about is the time you’ve wasted-

Happy Saturday kids!

This Mama Lisa

All For Love.

As the years go by we seem to calculate Valentines Day just a tad bit different.  No need to sit in a restaurant being served by servers.  We'd prefer simplicity at this point.  As the years go by it's apparent that you weather through storms to gain the moments of sitting next to one another with the mere fact of just being alive.  And in love.  Something I never take for granted.

The reality of those that have lost their loved one.  You can say it's just another day.

The truth is, the hype floats through the air.  There might be pain. 

So we look for those we love around us. 

We reach out to those we love.

To the guy that reminds me gently to slow down at all the speed bumps, (I've always barreled over them and it makes him cringe)  To the man that makes us popcorn for dinner on those nights with an empty fridge.  To the man that teaches me to log all the car details of oil changes, wipers, etc in a log book.  To the most detailed human that wants everything tidy so when he opens a cabinet I've stuffed full he just rolls his eyes and closes it.  To the man that works harder than anyone I know.  

To the man that keeps his word.  

You still have the most beautiful eyes. The cutest ears.

I love you.

All my love, for as long as I am here.

Lisa aka Mama 

TRUTH.

In search of healing my heart.  Realizing the more I heal, the better human I am to others.  

A lover at heart, that holds grudges easily.  A lover at heart that wears pain daily. 

So glad I am finally starting to see a light at the end of this tunnel. 

If it means meditating in prayer every day.  Then so be it. 

We got one shot. 

Time to let that shit go. 

Love,

Lisa Lynn 

The Angels Above Me.

Little sweet blessings in a text from my aunt on a Tuesday morning. 

This song. 

Angels Above Me

May you find peace. 

Thank you Aunt Ronda...

"The friends in my life like stars in the sky"

The ocean and the seas and the windblown trees.....

To you Amanda heading home today from City Of HOPE!  This is the day you've fought hard to get to.  Your strength is incomparable.  You are a HERO to you son.  To your parents. To all of us cheering you on.  This journey isn't fair.  Life isn't fair.  But you will grow on from here.  Your body is learning a new chapter.  I am so proud of you little one.  

This Mama Lisa 

New Year. New Me. HA.

I've never been one to claim a resolution at the New Year. It's kinda like setting yourself  myself up for failure.  In my humble opinion. One year I did stop eating meat.  That lasted two months.  Maybe three.  In-n-Out got the best of me.  Still love me a good burger.  

What I DID tell myself was to search for peace in mind, body and soul. Maybe just maybe I'd be able to shed some heartbreak and a soul that is a tad bit broken.  Some days and months feel harder than others.  As odd as this may sound, I have been very close to a breaking point. VERY close. Usually during the winter months.  December to be exact.  When I say this, it's not about caving in for an exit.  But more like staring at myself in the mirror some mornings wondering how I have managed to put one foot in front of the other.  I don't say that lightly, and I don't say this for attention.  I say this because for my entire life I have been dealt some pretty interesting cards.  Well at least back to the age of 5.  Then all hell broke loose at 10.  I always kept going.  

I have never caved. 

Sure I've lost my shit on people.  Most especially those I love.  Sure I've over indulged in cocktails to feel the shame the next morning.  Sure I've cried my eyes out before walking out into public places.  Sure I've questioned religion. Sure I've lost hope in some family and friends.  Sure I've wondered what my purpose is here.  I know I've always worked hard to be a good mom.  A good partner. And a good friend. 

What I have ALWAYS put in the back seat, was my health.  Oh, a bump on my skin?  Ah, let it go, it'll go away.  Oh, a dentist appointment?  Oh, I better plan that soon...lol -  Oh go to the gym?  Nah, that's not for me. LOL- 

See the reason I share this is because every.single.time I've walked into our gym, I feel like a big toe.  I feel as though I stand out in the dork zone. I've even seen posters that read "No Judgement Zone" but deep down I look at my clothes.  My hair. My awkward body.  Am I using this machine right?  Am I flailing my arms way too much...I am my biggest critic. I DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE THERE.   So I scadoodle back to the treadmill and feed it my body. My mama body.  My body that has carried me around all these years.  The body with hands that serve love.  The brain that gets overloaded most days.  The sleepless eyes.  The shoulders that have carried so many burdens.  

Strength. 

Motherhood. 

Aging. 

I've got my eye on the stair climbing thing.  One day I'll get to it.  One day I will climb up and do my thang.  For now, I have my favorites. 

I've made it my priority.  To eat better.  To show up.  

Being a germaphobe doesn't help.  

But I am feeling amazing. Mostly it's making me feel proud of ME. 

The journey of mental, physical and a soulful healing heart.

For me.

Peeking around the corner at the big ol' five oh. 

This is my time.

This is mama's time to feel better.

To trust God in his plan for me. For my babies. For my handsome dude.

Bill's been down with the Flu all week.  If there's one thing I know for sure...I've seen it over and over again....We NEVER realize how good our bodies feel, until they don't. I've not seem him knocked down this bad in a very long time.  

For the last 25 years I've picked up major family pieces taking care of everyone.  For 30 years as a mom, I've put motherhood and my love to them first.

For almost 50 years I've battled lots of sadness and a torn heart.

This life isn't perfect, but it makes you appreciate those that encourage.  Those that love back.

For all the years friends and family would recommend "working out"- I hear you.  To my mom, who's a stud with running, AND working out.  Thank you. 

Health. Life. Pushing through. 

And those that show up.

For me, I am proud for showing up.

For me.

For Mama,

For this body of mine.

We got one shot. Even if I feel like I'm in the dork zone. 

Love, and always love...

This Mama Lisa

Full moon tonight and tomorrow....Enjoy the beauty of it, and steer clear of the meanies....

A Worldwide Sense Of HOPE.

Yesterday my social media scrolling slid past many many folks honoring World Cancer Day.  Parts of me have learned to back up from some of the following I've done.  

For healing.  For absence of the monster in my face. 

And then, it just happens. Over and over.  I see moms in hospital rooms standing next to their child. Politely asking for prayers from us. 

Those of us that have been there-- now looking at our screen thinking....oh my gawd, those days of beeping iv's. A puking kid.  A toss up of doctors each day.  Nurses that are good, but then some are greater.

The chapter and pages never go away.  In fact, they're inbedded in this mom forever.

I thought about all Kris has been through.  Those that I'm mentoring right now.  The C word will never go away.  It's just there.  It's our story. 

I kept thinking about how far we've come.  How nothing else really matters to me, as long as my kids are healthy and safe. 

World Cancer Day. 

My wish is we find a cure some day.  The leaps and bounds for a cure they've made for HIV/AIDS.  And yet there's such a mystery still in all the cancers.  All the different tumors and complications.

We all have a sense of HOPE.  In love.  In family.  In friends.  In the news someone will get today.

That phone call. 

That ER visit. 

May those in the fight, those that have fought, and those that don't even know they'll need to fight have a community around them to get through the journey. 

With love and gratitude...

This Mama Lisa

Amen.

May we all be safe, healthy and able this week.  

Do your best!

This Mama Lisa

Sun Up.

Wishing for a beautiful weekend to you friends and family.  Nothing better than the bright sky, warmer air, and a Saturday morning!  

As for me and my self....I'm filled with PEACE this morning.  Kris' labs look good...Need I say more?

Remember to hand out compliments today.  Make a stranger smile.  Praise the server at a restaurant if they're serving your needs.  Hold a door open with a smile.  Offer help to the elderly. 

Just Be Kind.

Sun Up, People Up!  

Let's do this!

This Mama Lisa