The seedling inside of us grows to be more than just a human to others.
It is a life long lesson sent to us for a life long lesson in teaching.
In nurturing.
In exposing the deepest parts of us.
It's saying no to things we want to say yes to.
It's taking the risk of losing a child.
It's showing up for things we'd be apprehensive in joining had those seedlings never blossomed.
But we went.
We go.
We stand taller when the tides push them.
Our fears and faith in their choices often collide, and yet we still wave a pom-pom for each trial and error.
My protective gear growing more tattered, but will never come off.
Motherhood.
Some still have one, and some have never had one.
My mom gave all she was taught to. She still does. Although our relationship isn't portrait perfect, I always appreciate the woman she is. Through it all she stayed around to do what she knew best in motherhood. She still does.
Part of motherhood is learning from things you would want different.
And so you parent different.
You love different.
You protect different.
We're also handed different books. Different birdies. Different scenarios.
Motherhood.
Laying awake at night with ideas to help settle THEIR souls. Their worries are mixed onto you. Because that's just what moms do.
Then there's women that can't have babies. That struggle with the questions fielded to their newly wedded bliss. And yet, no babies in sight. Could be health. Could be higher powers. Could be their decision to not bring kids into this world.
It's not something that DOESN'T cross most women. While watching my sick son wither in pain in a hospital bed, I truly felt such remorse for bringing him into this tainted sick world.
Motherhood.
Standing in lines, waiting for appointments to help a sick child.
Doing everything in your power to not shred the soul of anyone that hurts them.
The nights of helping with homework when you had no idea what you were even staring at.
The MANY nights of making last minute runs to Staples, Target or whomever was open to get that posterboard for a best friends birthday acknowledgment on a fence before 7am.
The school activities (aside from soccer "favorite of all time") were really just torturous. lol
Motherhood.
I have a rocking chair that sits next to my desk made from solid oak. A gift from my aunt and uncle Wade and Ronda. I stare off in space at it some days....to think back 30 years ago, my shoulder bones rubbing the back at the tender age of 19. Sore from trying to figure out nursing. Sore from being up all night. Yet staring down at this little boy that needed me so much. His little potato bug face smiling back at me at 2am. The love.
Motherhood.
The picture I have on my desk of Kali standing at the beach with a shovel takes me back to those salty days on the sand. Her little braids or buns pulled back tight with bows. The sandy mess she was and yet her thumbs freshly cleaned by her mouth.
Motherhood.
3 years ago I frantically carried a bag back and forth to a hospital for the fight for my sons life.
Disgustingly enough I had to come to terms with many awful decisions and thoughts every.single.day. Paperwork a mother would sign relieving her sons rights for his health, back into mine. Something that never went away, but the legality of the process was necessary.
Talks I had to have with him, my first born, that no mom should have to do.
But we did. And we both know that the fight against cancer is scary and ugly. The outcome isn't always what we want. As a matter of fact, more times than not I would see moms wailing in a hallway. Knowing all too well this process could always still be handed back to him. To me.
Motherhood.
A daughter that accomplished college, graduating at the top of her class. Navigating back to Seal Beach with Grant, to start a new career in a new place next week. A position ranked high, making the pressure board boil a bit. But not anything she can't handle. The GRIT that goes behind what she's capable of, hands out the jitters simply because of the "anticipation" more so than the actual task. She'll fly to Georgia to train on her own in a couple of weeks. Just like all the new teams she played on. Or the classrooms, professors, or speeches she had to give. She'll handle it like a boss.
Motherhood.
I will stand tall behind the scenes as I always do. Waving my cheer-leading pom-poms when I can without too much pomp-n-circumstance, because that girl isn't even into "high-fives"- And if you don't believe me, try it next time you're with her and just watch the awkwardness she'll offer you.
#teamnohighfive
Motherhood.
Teaching them to do things on their own, when you've washed, folded, cooked, baked, planted, rinsed, packed.....all these years.
You hope to hand over the baton.
Sinks aren't as clean, laundry a tad bit wrinkled. Cars a little dirtier, but they're taken care of because dad teaches them this.
Motherhood.
The back bone to the family.
The planner.
The lover.
The quiet weeper.
The cuss-word slinger under-your-breath pro.
Motherhood.
To those that enveloped my sister and I, thank you. To my aunt Cece and my Auntie Lynda...thank you. For teaching us manners in Chinese restaurants. For driving in traffic to pick us up. You molded two little girls. To my aunt Ronda that taught me a thing or two about raising kids and how to pick up a house in lickety-split time. To wipe a babies face before the rest of their body.
Friends that become a second mother to you....
My biggest blessing, and my biggest accomplishment.
To the man that always let me do my thing. Of the role in Motherhood. You've stood back during times of their punishments. Mostly, you let me be me. When many times you wanted things different, you just observed.
Happy Mothers Day weekend to those that have stepped in to this role (Kerri)
Happy Mothers Day to those that screwed up, but are making up for lost time.
Happy Mothers Day to you new moms. Buckle the hell up. LOL. not kidding.
Happy Mothers Day to the dads that stepped into this place. #HERO
Happy Mothers Day to me.
"Don't Blink"
Cause when your hourglass runs out of sand
You can't flip it over and start again
Take every breathe God gives you for what it's worth
You can't flip it over and start again
Take every breathe God gives you for what it's worth
Have a great weekend my friends....I can finally hear rain....
Love from an imperfect, hard loving mama,
This MAMA Lisa / Warrior / Pro Worrier / For life!
Just so glad I don't have to sit through any more Christmas Programs at elementary school--
Back to School Nights, Open Houses, blah blah blah. #rudemom #HAHA
Back to School Nights, Open Houses, blah blah blah. #rudemom #HAHA
Strict orders to my kids for my duties as Grammie.
Please don't invite me, I've paid my dues.
kay,bye...
LOLLL!!!!
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