What To Say

Have you ever watched a good friend or family member walk through a shit storm and you instantly try to figure out what to do.  

For me, I try to figure out what to say. 

Sometimes words are really just words.  Humans quickly grab all the common expressions to "try" to help. With all good intentions, we just do. When you're facing a crisis, it's hard to really absorb what others are trying to say.  Their expressions mean well, but the way we accept it, is totally different.

For instance, when we were in the thick of watching our bird fight for his life, I would literally cringe when someone would text me  "How's Kris"-  If I'm being very honest here, it fucking bugged me. 

AND, it wasn't their fault!

The answer was so wide open.  To me, it felt like a cut that was so far from healing. So the answer to that text was just salty.  

Most times I would reply, out of sheer respect, but then would soon bark at people.  To this day, I put my phone on my shoe holder in the living room where it charges.  I know Bill is covering the alarm at the shop. I take the risk that one of my babies can't get ahold of me.  But the rumble of a text at midnight, or 10pm, just irritates me if it's a non-urgent text from anyone.  I just don't like it. 

One of my best friends, someone I share so much with.  Someone I watched navigate through the same sports events, high school stuff, travels and parties with. Nurturing our kids as they grow.   

They're walking through shit, with no shoes. 

Just broken dignity.  And hope. And a very brave face. 

And I don't know what to do. 

I don't know what to say.

I just say to everyone facing things in this life that have crumbled from a crisis, that you WILL get through.  

The effects will inevitably linger for longer than we'll ever want. Or deserve. 

The newness of it will wear. 

The sharp shock will wear. 

The people and tribe will go back into their lives.

The situation will become alot less brutal.

And you will get through. 

They always say, in sickness and in health.  And we all know that bullshit happens in every single family.  

But what do you do to help those you care about in crisis mode. 

Love?

Wait?

Listen?

Praying is always the simple answer for many.

For me, I say.....keep on going.  KEEP. ON. GOING. 

And I am here.  

Even though I don't know what to say.  Or do. 

Read this about "Happiness"

I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that—I don’t mind people being happy—but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down three things that made you happy today before you go to sleep” and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position. It’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say, “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness.” Ask yourself, “Is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is.

—Hugh MacKay, author of The Good Life

And a little bit of silly, because if you know me, it's how I get through.

Chin up.

No one told us this life would be perfect. 

Or even close. 

All my wishes for wholeness to you,

Lisa Lynn

PS:  Good luck Kali-- as you embark on a new job this afternoon!  A new title.  A new paycheck that will cover your expensive makeup.  A new paycheck that will buy you those cute outfits at Stitch-n-Feather, a new paycheck for all the cute little accessories and pedicures you need.  lol
You know mama is silly, but so so sooooo stoked you're moving money mountains now. booom.

I am so proud of you!