Jeff-Man

Your smile, your hugs, and most always your fun witty comments.  You'd make a smacking sound with your lips before commenting, or greeting us. A sound and smile I'll always miss. 

The weekend we really got to know one another was in Havasu.  The next morning after they arrived I'd be handing them a large post card to hold for a video.  A video we'd share with the world that a  donor had been found for Kris.   

THANKSgiving Weekend 2015

(this video gets me every single time- BEAUTIFUL all together!)

I remember the mornings coming out to your smile at the counter. Smiling and offering sweet conversations with whomever was awake with you.  Most always you and "Kris-Man" as you called him.  You took us to breakfast that one morning and covered the bill for my entire family.  

We'd tack that delicious breakfast as one of our best in Havasu. Not because of the monetary, but because we were all together. My sister and niece included.  

The way you talked, and sometimes carried a witty demeanor with words.  You always always offered a hug right back, and a smile that would light up a room.  

When my son spoke of you it was ALWAYS, ALWAYS with the highest regards.  Most importantly the very first time you all took a road trip in your new Audi, and you hauled ass around the mountain sides up to Ojai.  

The way you opened your heart to Kris during his sickest days.

In fact, Saturday morning when Bill slowly explained how you left here, it felt as though the wind was knocked out of me. It's just not real. 

I'm sure you didn't know you'd leave like this.  I had a picture printed for you.  One that Kris really knew you loved.  One that arrived on Wed, and I gave to Kris on Thursday.  He wanted to give it to you Friday night, but opted for Saturday.  It was too late.  

I've always wondered if people can see down from the Heavens. 

Here's the picture you loved Jeff. 

Look at you. 

Panama 2017 as you watched your son marry your daughter-in-law. 

Look at the islands behind you.

Look at how good you look Jeff-Man. 

Look at you......

You left here.  The plans we choose aren't always the plans everyone else chooses.

You left a legacy of YOU here "Jeff-Man". 

One that I will say offered a good, kind soul to myself.  Bill. Kali. My sister, and my niece. 

Most importantly you loved my son.  

Going through pictures the last couple of days have been silently brutal.  

Finding the one we took at Jen's Fitness competition.  You stared at your baby girl with sincere amazement.

But not after laughing with us in the audience of the teeny underwear cartoon looking guy fitness dudes up there.  That funny witty side we'd all adore about you.  Not making fun, but kinda poking fun, if you will. 

Jeff.  I hope you are at peace.  Your heart is resting. 

I'll take with me the many funny memories I have of you. 

But my last one was you walking home after concert at the bay on Kris' birthday.  You'd danced on the grass with your beautiful wife.  Swaying to Motown disco while staring at your bride.  Taking in the warm ocean air.  In a town you'd finish raising your kids.  Belmont Shore. 

I watched you walk away towards home barefoot.   LOVE----

All along thinking to myself...how bad ass is that....Jeff-Man, handsome, loving, witty, strong and true.  71 years young.  Walking home with his little family.  Barefoot. 

See you when we see you Jeff-Man....

We'll take care of things around here....I promise you that.

All my love. 

And a reminder to tell those you love, that you do.

Today.

Lisa

A Day Alone.

Bill worked worked Saturday.

I didn't.

(Kris' 28th Birthday Concert By The Bay 8/17/17)

Your friend Lisa was an emotional wreck last week with all the final check-lists' of things to get done for Kali's departure. A departure I emotionally put on the back burner for months. *Disclaimer: I'm still in unstable mode, yet so proud of her. Actually, I shoved it in the oven out of sight...for months.  I had to pull out my ever so popular pad of paper old skool style and start checking off the list.

1.) Daughter leaving for 4 months across the pond. Rule number one. Don't freak the F out.
She leaves next Monday.

Sending something via UPS or FedEx isn't really in my agenda.  And so you know....check-lists are everything. So is studying abroad and losing the chance to have mama ship something overnight. 
Or even in a few days. 

Not to mention the changes of banking (to eliminate all the extra fee's) - Checking with our phone carrier, and all final agreements with her school in Florence.  Ordering and picking up Euro's.

This is the minor to the major things that cross my mind.  Remember who THIS mama is. 

She cray cray-  

All nod in favor-------  >  elllllooooellllll

Most of my check-list at the time seemed pretty minor but at  2-3am last week, and I am quite sure this week....they climb up my soul and tackle my central nervous system like a bee in a hive.  

Saturday.

I had time.

To sort.

Alone. 

 I didn't realize how beautiful my Saturday morning was until I was covering each and every flower I grow with water and vitamins. Sipping my Organic Beet Street Juice as the birds chirped above me in sync.  True bliss I tell ya.

Things shifted quickly when I realized I needed to make one dreaded errand stop.

The mall.

I loathe the mall.

 I would rather wash my cat, or walk with wet feet in rain boots.  Or long wet jeans through  grass. I.HATE.THE.MALL.

So after navigating through each and every damn sales person trying to sell me "Gold Face Lotion". 

 I just nervously walked and checked my phone like a had a call *lame I know*. I'm a freak.
Don't worry, I know this. 

The mall sucks. Sorry not sorry.

 I returned a bathing suit I bought(looked so cute online at PacSun).  I did manage to float through Forever 21 but managed to scadoodle right back out because the music was too loud.
LOL!!!!!!
And I love their accessories, necklaces, and earrings.
Like. LOVE them. But....

I kept a move on.  Rolling through like a steam roller...to the safety of my car. 

My afternoon just got better.  Still alone.  And still happy.

Soon my lover arrived home with a car full of all the household chore riddled things we need.

Like SALT for the softener.  Breakfast for the breakfast. Wine for the wino.  jk.

But....we had a bike ride plan in place....

A plan that was so good with me. 

  

(I love you Bill)

Almost too good with me.

Too much wine.

Haven't tied one on like that in a very very long time.

Was so well enjoyed though...

Life....it sure has a way of catchin up with you.  

Or in my case, I stash it away..pull it out at 2:30am, then stash it away....
and then....boom.

The next morning Kris would send a text asking what I was up to. 

Wanting to come by and just hang out...

They were in Vegas doing birthday things, (or so I thought) They were actually picking up a new pup.

In walked this.  In Kris' arms.

World, meet "Skipper"
Happy Birthday Kris, from Jen xo

Well played Bub...well played.

.  4 puppers and 2 humans. Two big, two littles. 

If you ask Buckie-Boy what he thinks about this...

Skipper reminds me of Toby...our childhood dog. aka our only little brother....

How was your weekend?

Any mall grindin'?  Wine sippin? Bike ridin'?

Whatever you did, I hope it made YOUR heart full.

This Mama Lisa

Enjoy Your Weekend...

Inhale LOVE, exhale FEAR.

All my love,

This Mama Lisa

The Guy That Gave My Heart LOVE

You were due on August 11th, 1989. I'd go into labor 5 days later. At just after 9pm, we'd make our way to the hospital.  Running a red light like in the movies on the way.  The light wouldn't change and I surely thought you were coming.  8 hours later on August 17, 1989 5:49am.  A waiting room would have your uncle Gregory, uncle Wayne, my sister, and Bom and Papa.  You already had a name.  You already took so much space in my heart.
I wouldn't learn just how much a little baby boy would fill it up until the moment I held you. 

You wiggled around so much right up until that seventeenth day of August.  I can remember looking down at my shirt during that last month and noticing a dirty glow. 

Over the spot of where I constantly felt.  I loved to feel you move. That elbow, or the little knee.  Although at the time I really didn't know which was which.  I just assumed.  It wasn't until the hiccups came into play.  While trying to fall asleep I'd think..."come on baby, not more hiccups"-

When you came into the world I can remember the feeling of euphoria. That wild feeling I had when they handed you over to me.  I can remember your little lip quivering.  You settled into just a whimper staring at me.  You knew it was mommy.  I called you my little potato-bug.  Not the prettiest or cutest of thoughts, but you surely cracked me up with expressions. 

 

Those couple days in the hospital were a blur.  I just remember your "bom" (Grandma) was smitten. She'd arrive without my invite, which looking back I can see why.  When I changed your diaper for the first time it scared the shit out of me.  I didn't want to break your little body. 

Little did I know just how quickly those days would turn into weeks, and those weeks would flow into months. Months would allow me a sharp and witty little toddler.  Walking by ten months you'd navigate through most anything quickly.  I'd always remove your shoes to climb a tree, and you'd oblige.  You were happiest outdoors.  We both were. We'd spend many days on the beach and by the shore.  My little buddy.  There was something about my bond with you.
When my sister said we grew together, we truly did.


I can remember doing all the little things with you to prove to the world just what a good mama I would be.

The love between a mom and her son is something to be spoken for. I would stare at you with amazement during those first years.  I made this baby.  

My protection for you wasn't normal.  Still isn't.  LOL  

You've always been my everything.

The years would hand me a busy teen.  A teen that navigated through with a working mom.  You earned and worked for your own cell phone.  You also took note of whomever rode in your car, because they'd surely be made to "pay their way"-  To this day you manage your money incredibly well. Still pushing side jobs, and whatever it takes to pay your way.

You were accepted as a young elementary boy into Biola University for a Trigonometry class. Because after being tested and shown as "gifted", and "an intellectual thinker", they allowed your thinking brain to exercise every corner.  Your deep thoughts and money management fall hand in hand.

I truly believe you inherited those roots from my dad.  Such a smart man. 

You will argue a person off a cliff.  It's just who you are.  

You're also kind.  The kind of person who protects other humans.  Especially delicate ones.

You're that friend that stands up for the hurting.

An animal is protected in the highest regards by you. 

I can't believe you're 28.

We are so lucky you are twenty eight.


Twenty Eight Bub!

When we were climbing over those last big hills I always just prayed that God would take this nightmare from you.  From us.
I prayed you'd be able to blow many more candles out.
You deserve it. 

The miles we've rode, walked, crawled, hugged, embraced, yelled, cried and laughed.  


Together.



Twenty Eight Years.

You gave me a love in my heart that I've never felt by anyone.  Ever. 

The day I felt life.  With you.

I've always said, it's a love you can't describe, until you feel it.

Happy Twenty Eight Birthday My One And Only Son. 

Motherhood----The needle.  The thread.  The stitch and the feather.  

Until my last breath.

I'll always be here cheering you on--

Big hugs Merkemer!

May God protect you from harm, sickness, heartbreak and evil.

This Mama Lisa

This must be your lucky day, all these 7's!

8/17/17

bam

Taking A Step Back.

We left for the lake last week.  Wednesday.  Or as my birdies and I call it, Wensdeeeeeeyy-- lol

A few slices of love, happiness and cherished cocktails mixed in.  We laughed with sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews.  We shared stories and clinked glasses.
We threw darts at dart boards in The Office that were totally unworthy of their title.
I kept thinking, shit, even the darn darts are melting- HAHAHA!

We dined out.  We dined in.

(Don't I look like a wasp?)

It was a much needed break to just get away.

August.  It has a funny way of deterring me from the lake. The heat.  The ramps.  The traffic.

This was different.  Our focus was just being together.  Sharing old things with new people.  With new love.  With happy souls.  With healing humans. With long time friends.

 

 

We shared laughter at dinner and in the pool.  We shared GOOD wine out at dinner. Boating to coves where water is the only reprieve.  The happiness in a boat runnin' good.  The humbleness of acceptance when a boat is not running good.  You still keep things in perspective. 

The thankfulness of air-conditioning in a home because I am not sure how humans did it back in the day. #helltotheno  #praisethecowboys

The smile on the faces of three young teens embarking back into school soon, but not before one last lake getaway.

Back to the grind it is.  Time for work. Time for hustle. Time to push that wheel for the next chance, if life decides that way.

Lake Havasu, you have my heart.

You always will.

Hey Vick, Kirk, Sandra and Rocky.....DOES MY NOSE LOOK BIG?!

Chooooo  Chooooo!   

So happy Sandra caught this picture....as we went under the Topock Bridge the train was making his way over...and it just looked bitchen.  Wait...did I just say bitchen?  Boom.

Totally bitchen dude.  Like, way, way bitchen.

PS.  Jen sent me this while I was gone.  Bucksie, Kris and Jen headed to concert by the bay.....All the heart eyes.....xoxo

Bucky boy so happy in the wagon--

My Name Is Lisa, I Am A Sentimental Clothing Hoarder

Early this morning I'd decide it was fair to just get up after tossing and turning in my sheets all night. Because that's just what this body of 47 years loves to do these days.  I call it total bullshit, but it's just what the deal is.  Up at 5:30 with all the beautiful birdies, I'd start searching for a black tank top.  The black tank top was no where to be found, but inside my armoire (spelledcorrectly?)  was a mosh pit of clothes.  I'd pushed these clothes back so many times that at this point it looked as though they'd need a new washing.  

Terrible.

After my coffee kicked in I began to question all those clothes.  So many times I hear of people living the "minimal" approach.  Cutting back on all the "things" we don't need.  Or want.

I had a stack. 

A serious stack of clothes that included jeans, shirts, shorts, sweats and tank tops.  None of which I wear. None of which I truly truly like. Or need. 

But......

These items right here I had the hardest time parting with.  

I am a freak.

Pictured here-  We have BRIGHT green sweats that are to the knees.  They are ugly as all getout.  But man, these fellers right here are so comfy on.

Gone. 

These here?  These black sweat lovers right here.....They helped me get through some of my roughest days.  Some of my curl-in-a-ball and just eat-n-cry days & nights. The hole in the crotch is the kicker.  When shark week would make it's debut, I'd grab for these.

With ice-cream. 

They're gone.   

Please take note of the crotch hole placement.  All the lolz.

And the Grand Finale of all, are these.  You guys.  These jeans.

I bought these amazing Levi's back in 1999.  This was when jeans were jeans and none of the stretchy bullshiz ruled the world.  I loved the way they felt.  I loved every.single.thing...about them.

A few years back I bent down, and rip.  And then rip again.

Did I toss them?

No.

Did I have big dreams to sew them and keep using them? 

Yes. 

They're gone. 

Talk about tugging of my heart. 

Do you have hoarding problems with clothes?  Sentimental clothes?

I recently opened up a few storage boxes of mine to show Kali. 

The many uniforms that consisted of Camp Fire Girls and all the patches she earned, her little soccer outfits, the outfit she came home from the hospital in, the little blue London Fog jacket Kris wore, handing down to Kali.  I have dreams of our grandbabies wearing it. 

I have her bonnets, and Kris' first birthday outfit.  The outfit Kris came home in.

Not sure if this is just me, but man....I am attached. 

To things.

You should see their baby books.  Not to mention the book I wrote them while pregnant and throughout their first year.

When I leave this Earth, I'm quite sure they'll say, "yea our mama was a mushy one".

Purging the things we don't need.

To have and to fold far far away.....  LOL!

Bye bye favorite jeans. Bye bye black holey sweats.  Bye bye hideous green sweats. 

Gone forever, but not forgotten.  HAHAHAH!

Where's myyyyyyy jeannnnnnssssss?????!!!!!!

Happy  Tuesday!

This Mama is counting down.....

For this...

So needed.  

So earned.

So ready.

This Mama Lisa

My Childhood Remnants

When I was a little girl I'd hear the words "uh oh, it's a full moon"- 

Those words started from my mom.  Something she always preached to us, because she watched the tension around her.  There's more to her story, our story...but I'll spare personal details. 

Her young adult years with my dad weren't always beautiful. The moods became thick. Or the tension became extra tight. My little hippy roots grew around the vibe of the good ol' beautiful full moon. 

Two things I DO love about it though...High tides, and beautiful nights out on the water in the boat.  

As I became an adult and have filtered through raising babies, working, sorting, shuffling, managing, assisting, and most of all, working with customers......Full Moons matter. To me. 

Last week and every month around full moon time I always secretly think "wouldn't it be so neat to sneak away to a hiding spot for the 4 days leading up to the full moon" HA!

Avoiding life's obstacles.  Basically closing up like a clam as though reality doesn't exist. 

When I mention a full moon to Bill, he rolls his eyes. 

Every month.

Now, if I mention the word shark week.  He runs.  Kidding. 

Anyways. 

Here's a full fact of this months full moon.

The Sturgeon moon.  All about fish...you hear that Kris?

How was your weekend?

Our was filled with horse power on the water.  And chairs under a tree with some family and friends. 

Just the perfect scale of awesome and silly.

I made this recipe last night, using chicken instead of shrimp. 

Creamy Tuscan (Chicken)

Happy 40th to my cousin Jason! (Birthday week for him!)

I hope the next forty are filled with love and good health!

And this handsome birdie celebrates the big 28 next week!

This concludes my full moon monthly mantra.

Hold tight to Hope.  Don't give up....

xo

This Mama Lisa

ps- Also, love this link on reddit regarding In-N-Out.  Didn't know they served Root Beer Floats, did you?!  Holla

In-N-Out Fun Facts.

And Then There Was Peace In My Heart

"Happiness And Peace Depend On Ourselves"

I hope you all have a beautiful weekend...

This Mama Lisa 

ps- This little girl leaves in 3 weeks.  Visa has been approved.  A semester learning and living in Europe. 

Tenacity, and braveness.  Homesickness, lol-justkiddingkalibutyouknowithahaha

 Still trying to find out where the time goes.  And why the hardest days seem the slowest, and yet the best days seem the fastest......

Memories in time...

A link worth sharing. 

My belief based on personal and close-up experience.

Medical Marijuana

And to say we've been lucky to walk this path with Kris' doctors.  Honesty, and being upfront. 

It's what has helped him eat, smile, and most of all, LIVE. 

And one more thing.

So many of Kali's endeavors, (college) and various adventures, were encouraged and taught to me by this lady right here.  Maria and I met when our girls were 12.  We sat next to one another on the soccer field.  Club soccer.  A place that offered Kali intense discouragement.  A place that offered me silent discouraged tears. I learned the ropes of patience.  Of sportsmanship.  Of politics on the field.
Maria stood out from all the others.  She became my mentor.  While the other moms were my wine drinking walking partners, (hey Donna and Mary, Kyoko, Van and Michele)...Maria became my mentor for education.  College to be exact.  We'd become midweek dinner buddies.  Dinners where I'd pick her brain about schools.  Grants. SAT scores. Entrance exams. Dorms. College Life. Sororities. All.of.it. (remember, I moved out at 17, and a mama by 19)
We'd work school dances like it was our job.  Always recruiting more moms.  Never missing dinner afterwards together.  We'd navigate through all the trivial things it took to get Kali situated away.
Maria always refers to me as my big sister.  She's really like a mom to me. I secretly love sitting shot gun next to her at dinner places or any place for that matter, like Michael's in Naples ordering good wine and our famous flat bread.  Smiling at one another because she's proud of us.  Of me.  Her encouraging words always, always sent my way. She's raised two incredible kids. She works her ass off just like me. We hustle hard to move the mountains we must move.

Because of her.

My friends are my everything.

This one here...she's been a rock for me.

Love you Maria

pss.  Try happy hour at Michael's.  In Naples (Long Beach)
Order the red wine, because you'll drool over the glasses like me.
#imaglasssnob
#placeishotshottysogoprepared
#lol

Still Holding That Ticket

Last weekend was full of bliss for me.  And when I say "bliss", it generally means solitude. Quiet moments of peace.  It comes in waves of reading my book and indulging in social media platforms. It involves sitting on the end of the dock with nothing but the American flag waving near me.  It involves Bill fiddling with whatever not far, and the sounds of families making their way in by boat. Or kids jumping in and out of the water close by. It involved a little boat ride sliding down in our seats to go under bridges. One moment in particular was watching a guy catch a decent size halibut.  In a kayak.  Happiness.  In pure form.  I can only imagine how that felt.  A kayak.  Pole. Music. Fish. Zen. 

I tend to cherish little things more than ever.  I've always preached about how one phone call can change everything.  One test result.  One email.  One moment.  

I knew what my Monday entailed.  I knew that Kali and I would be headed to the Italian Consulate in Los Angeles. That we'd be sitting on that glorious 405 until we'd land deep in the heart of Century City.  Kali had her interview for a Visa.

 Something that required massive paperwork to prepare for.  Many of which I sat back and watched her navigate through. Knowing all too well she wanted to pull the trigger at me to "just get it done".  

When someone tells you to prepare for the mountains of paperwork required for studying abroad, listen to them.  The consulate is no joke that is for sure.  Also, don't forget to make copies of e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

By the way Kali, when you read this, I want to say just how proud I am of you.  So proud that you gathered all the papers and documents you needed.  You held your jittery legs up at that counter. Only a mom would know how nervous you were.  From the moment when we pulled into that parking structure and that little pepe-le-puu guy approached your overwhelmed mama with instructions on how and where to park and she was gonna lose her shit and grab him by the balls, and so you took the horse (your mom)by the stubborn reigns and assured her to just listen to him. Note to you folks: This dude was pointing to a spot that clearly was marked Mr. Steinberg (a private spot).  Which resulted in your mom clarifying.  And yes, attitude was apparent after an hour in solid traffic. You knew my stress meter was full tilt to red.  Pepe-le-puu is lucky, thanks to you. I thank you.  I also thank you for walking me away from the edge.  From the edge of stress and freak out.  The freakthefuck out I had lingering all morning from brothers journey.

You see, remember that ticket I still hold for that fucked up rollercoaster we jumped on?

Still got it.  

Still ride it. 

Don't like it. 

But ride it. 

Monday morning, as our normal "good morning" rounds made their way, I'd receive one back from Kris. 

"Feeling off today mama, been throwing up and had bad diarrhea last night"

Instant gut punch for me.

This is a huge red flag for transplant families. 

I go through my check list. I often go through my prayer list. 

My questions start firing at him, before soon I'd just call. 

We'd go through scenario's.  Scenarios' that include, what he ate.  Where he was.  

Having Jen by his side, and our side has been my trophy of comfort.  That girl sees first hand. She handles it all like a pro.  She's never one to panic, and yet does everything she can to help.

Jenny, this mama loves you with every corner of my beating heart. I love you. 

My next call was to our doctor.  Actually an urgent email.  They'd call me back within an hour.  Scheduling an appointment for today.  Take 9, or 11am. I'd ask to order labs.  His sweet nurse just goes with whatever I ask. God, thank you for Anna.

Pushing him to do labs on a day that I knew he felt like crap, yet I needed answers.  

The waiting game on labs is something unheard of unless you are in this transition of life. 

Unless you know what those mean.  How it counts.  Where it will immediately place you. 

I'd move on to work after the City Of Angels.  I can honestly say I move around like a robot. I begin to take care of the necessary tasks at work, only handling what I know is ritual.  Anything and everything beyond that makes me agitated.  I can hardly hold a conversation with other humans.
Be cautious when asking questions.  Because my theory is if you think you might know the answer, well go get it done. 

I truly just want answers.  For my son.
I hover around my desk for hours.  3 to be exact.
Generally they take about an hour or 2.
But this day it was 3-

Kris would ask more than ever..."Did my labs come in mom?".

"Not yet honey"

Working through my work stuff, checking emails over and over because youjustneverknowtheservermaybeslow- LOL

Bill came to my desk to process an order that had specific adjustments and so he wanted to go over it together.  Just the minute he sat next to me, my email came in.
"TEST RESULTS ARE HERE FOR YOUR REVIEW"-

Everything looked fine.  I navigate through each and every one.  They roll in like a wave.  I grab each one.

I sat back in my chair and just stared at Bill.
I'd continue through each and every one.

As a momcologist you become so familiar. So in tune with what is what, and how is how.

Component	Your Value	Standard Range
WBC'S AUTO	7.1 x1000/mcL	4.0 - 11.0 x1000/mcL
RBC, AUTO	3.90 Mill/mcL	4.70 - 6.10 Mill/mcL
HGB	12.4 g/dL	14.0 - 18.0 g/dL
HCT, AUTO	37.8 %	42.0 - 52.0 %
MCV	96.9 fL	80.0 - 94.0 fL
MCH	31.8 pg/cell	27.0 - 35.0 pg/cell
MCHC	32.8 g/dL	32.0 - 37.0 g/dL
RDW, BLOOD	14.8 %	11.5 - 14.5 %
PLATELETS, AUTOMATED COUNT	195 x1000/mcL	130 - 400 x1000/mcL

There were 9 other tests involved- I had them posted earlier, but the link took you to their site.
That's a bit much---

Previous

Quickly reaching for my phone to call Kris.  

"Your labs look fantastic honey".  I think you had a virus roll through, or something you ate. 

Yesterday morning the nurse would call asking if we'd just like a video appointment.

Of course. 

Because I already knew. 

Labs.

Blood work. 

Email.

Logins. 

One phone call.  

Yesterday we'd navigate through and with her. 

No real changes, just monitoring his daily chemo, along with the continued stomach issues he battles.

I stepped back off that rollercoaster I hate so much.

My punched gut instantly feels better. 

And the world moves on.  And my peace grows again. 

You guys, I go to the darkest places.  Places I would never wish on anyone. 

My hope always pointing at God.  Because I sin.  I ask for Mercy.  For forgiveness.  

I cuss.  I have an attitude as tall as the sky some days. 

Just another reminder on this fine Wednesday.

Live.

And trust.  

Even with this ticket in my pocket that I don't want to use. 

Rollercoasters SUCK. 

Happy Wednesday-

Healing is slow and hard but it is also a miracle to witness

Thanks for hanging with me friends. 
I promise I'm not crazy. 
Just so in love with my birdies. 

Love,

This Mama Lisa