Peace & Love: Six Months.

Happy Half "New" Birthday son.

I truly never even knew what today would look like.

Never before did we imagine at your real six month birthday back in January 1990, when you had light blondish red hair, and a chubby little belly, mixed with the most beautiful eyes on the planet. Back when you were the center of our universe. I'm sure our families would agree, he was the light in my room. He was scootin' around on a blanket, trying to get to our dog. He was his "Bom's" (Grandma's) "Lamb-Chop"- She would do anything and everything to get to him. I perfectly remember buying you a gold teddy bear at Broadway, smashing him gently into your belly sending you into hysterical laughter.

Six months was about the time where laughter truly became real.

Like real, real.

You would smile so big at me in the morning as I made my way to you. Hollaring out Gooood Moooorning bubbaloobob! Most always cheerful and happy to see his mommy. A mommy that fought hard to be a good mommy during those six months. Proving and paving my way through motherhood in front of my family members that really knew my decision to become a mom so young would be hard. So I was set to prove my story right.

I'd sign him up for all classes. First being swimming lessons with me. Dunking him under that pool water petrified he'd take water in. Yet he didn't. Instead he'd come up smiling at me with such trust. Such love. Such, such love. I was a young twenty year old. The same age as my pretty little birdie Kali.

We'd navigate through getting ready for his Winnie The Pooh party at one.

I'd never estimate moving into 2016 we'd be learning the ropes of the C word. And transplant. And doctors. And nurses. And all that comes with this miracle. That Be The Match would become something so stellar and important to us.

The folks at City Of Hope would forever and ever be ingrained in our blood.

I still haven't been able to process enough to put my warrior stick down.

Just this morning I was back at the pharmacy picking up more meds that "were outta stock Friday and yesterday"-

Learning to just smile. Even when those girls know me and address me kindly by name. I just smile.

Thankful for what they're trying to help me accomplish.

Save my son.

I have more numbers memorized in my head than I ever thought possible.

Non business related which is a shocker.

I've memorized doctor office phone numbers like a robot.

Reciting in my dreams on how to leave a proper message.

I've become a pro with most medicines and care taking.

This miracle hasn't been easy. Not for him and not for me.

Not for any of us.

The journey seems un-doable at times. So much so, at times I wonder how he keeps that sweet smile of his. Most always sending that same sweet emoji to me in text. A smile. When at times I feel like he's breaking.

Yet he just keeps fighting. Smiling. Going.

Last night Kali and I headed over to pick him up for an impromptu dinner. Missing Bill and Jen.

Strangely enough, it felt almost too good.

The last time I sat with those two and snapped selfies was this time last year.

And Dear Lord, please don't take me back there.

Praise God he's alive.

And this chance was given last night.

It didn't matter about the ceviche I was in search of. It didn't matter about the delicious margarita I sipped.

It didn't matter about the kid crying across the restaurant that should of been escorted out...LOL.

What mattered was watching him eat his fajita's, devouring those little burritos he made.

He's alive.