Her little army of followers.

During the beginning stage of Kali of being away, it was all I could do but count the days to just give her a hug, and know that she is okay.  Even though my pep talks were filled with "you can do this"- I knew it was incredibly hard.

I kept strong.  For her. For us. For our family. For all of it.  I kept strong.

She came home. Back and forth for about a month.  Missing only one weekend in between.  And that weekend she stayed at her dorm was good.  She said she felt better not transitioning back and forth.  Her biggest excitement was Gianni driving out on a Sunday to stay with her.  If even for a day.
Although she misses Gianni, and I am sure us, along with her home...and cat, she is trying to keep a different perspective with it all. 

This past weekend she decided to stay back again.  She said it's too hard leaving on Sunday.

 At their local beach. 

She spent the day with her friends, sending pictures that fluttered between myself, her Dad, and of course my parents.


She dined here on Sunday night. 

Next weekend, we will all be in different directions, therefore I will miss her again.  Same with the following.

It's become clear to me that she is settling in. Soon a little nest filled with all things Kali is starting to feel like home. She loves her bed there, thanks to Brandy (swoon)- She loves the little meals they all cook together.
She's settling in with professors, getting to know how they're programed, and vice versa.  Her new friends seem to take her in. 

Saturday morning, while I sat in quiet sipping my coffee, it hit me.  Like a ton of bricks. It hit me.
I never imagined she'd even be away. A vicious cycle of selfishness filled me full the entire month of September.  "She'll be home this weekend, no bigs"-  I continued to sort through old clothes, boxing up our old school drawers of markers, flash cards, rulers, and all things middle and high school.   Coming across packets of old school pictures, dance pictures, soccer pictures.  Awards, and ribbons.  By the way, what DO you do with it all?  I am a hoarder with anything related to their childhood, but come on.
Have a one last review party one day, and one big bon-fire to celebrate? ha!

I miss them.  I miss our dinners together. 

Her room sits organized and cleaned.  Her cute pillows haven't budged an inch.  Her favorite Organic Strawberry Lemonade in the fridge.  Her wacky toothbrush that falls over tucked up high.
The flat iron she handed down to me still reminds me of early high school mornings.  Her old make up bag that was too yucky to take, now sits in my drawer.
Her Los Al sweatshirts that hang in the linen closet.

For now our little army of followers checking in on her are enough.

At least I think they are.

As they say, when they are happy, we are ten times more.

Kali, keep plowing down the trails in this life. Don't look back, and remember to keep that good foot forward first.

To my parents, and my son, thank you for checking in on her.  To my sister that actually calls her, thank you.
To my niece and all other family members, thank you for checking in on her.
It's nice to know she's surrounded by people who are supporting something that has been so incredibly hard.

 ps.  Did you know that her first 2 weeks of dorm life offered her (2) fire alarm episodes all within the middle of the night hours? boom.

All of the things you've been planning for months, end up working out.  With time, usually everything does, right?

Imagine that.

Imagine that.

Happy Tuesday- Reminder Full Moon is staring at us, so get some glue for your fake smile, and don't forget your muzzle for those moments of "truth" that might flow from your eating hole. The freaks that cut in front, let em. Shit, go all out and wave, with that middle finger tucked in.  Don't brake check the a-hole on your ass- Smile at the idiot that rattles your cage. 

Just smile, because you can.  Because you are alive, and healthy.  And someone else might have it way worse.

Love you, mean it!

Keep on rockin in the free world......

xo

L