Stay Humble. Things Happen. Life is a bitch. Keep Laughing. And hold hands.

Always hold hands.



If there is one thing I try to work through when the going gets tough, is reciprocating my anger with kindness.

It's hard to exchange anger for love and kindness.  It really is.  It's not until things cool off that we can level our mind to switch it up.  Just the word "forgiveness" wreaks bullshit sometimes.  At least to me.  I'm a tough little cookie, and not proud of that.  But unfortunately have been seasoned that way most of my life.  Little sprinkles of love and kindness thrown my way, and becoming a mother have certainly softened my skin.  And heart. 

There's something about the word love that captures me.  If you ever step in my little pad, you'll see many signs.  About kindness, and love.  I will always say "love wins"-  Because it does.  As hard as that word can be, it does. I'm very sure many times I have stormed past those little reminders without even glancing.  Most times during shark week, I become a little monster.  A monster not worth hanging with.  ha. jay kay. *cough-cough*

That one shot at fake tattoo's. LOL

Another blog post, that opened my eyes, and whispered in my ear...about life.  More importantly about marriage, or relationships.  In my case, it's been a long time relationship.

One that has been worth fighting for.  Years of walking a path together, through thick and thin.  Some so thick that we would second guess why we were walking through it together.  Some nights I'd lay awake wondering what I was doing.  Some days I was sure I needed to change.  If I am keeping it real, there were some days that I felt like running.  Far and fast from everyone.  Including him. It was the mentality of "the grass is greener over there"-

Do I expect that more days will follow like this? I most certainly do.  It's worth working through. The fairy tale that we all see in the beginning fades, and the real work begins.  The chapters of love. And compromise.
Patience as a first runner.  The chapters become filled with memories-
In the beginning, you lust for one another.  Soon, as the days fill with real life, you become attached in a different way, and work towards that lust again.  Working together, figuring out what each one likes.  Or appreciates. It's not an easy road.  That's for sure. Work schedules, kids, life, heartbreak, health, sickness, trauma-and body changes- hormones- the real stuff here people.  The real stuff. It's those chapters that fill up with love. And compromise.  It's something that no one can really explain.  Just like we can't explain why partners leave.  Or drift off to someone else.  Or something else in some cases. 

A post with the title 112 Weddings. Created as a documentary about 112 weddings, presented by Doug Block.  As a videographer he stepped intimately into the private lives of people committing to one another in societies most highly rated day.  Weddings. As a documentary film maker he captured them then and now.

So many of us search for the perfect soul mate.  The perfect life with the perfect man or woman.  In every day life, this just does not exist.  It doesn't.  Devoting your life to the other person with hopes of taking away pure happiness at all times.  In true form, and true fact, the road isn't usually paved this way.  What we hope for, and what we actually find will in fact most always be an uphill climb.

It's realizing and working through those things.

Do yourself a favor and rent this on netflix, or itunes, and watch it.

Here's a snippet of the doc.  Watch it.
112 Weddings
Marriage, it starts out so lacy, and so vibrant, and so frilly and lovely.  Sooner than later it will become a story. Your story.  Some have a happy ending, and some don't.  Is it worth fighting for?
Of course there are exceptions to the rule, or game if you will. 
But you sniff my drift right?


It's easy to get caught up in weddings.  Engagements, dresses, rings, venues, dances.....right?

At least for me it is.  I dream of engagements, just the proposals I see will always make me tear up.
Dresses, and of course the ring.  Don't worry Bill, you can sit down, no need to jump and run. 

As I have grown older, I see the big picture.  The hard work that goes into them.  Into any relationship.
It's hard.  Extreme work goes into it.  The longer the months and years I do believe the easier.
During the days of little ones, and work, and sports, and life, it's rough and tough.
Climbing through loss, and heartbreak, and tensions, and life changes....it's all hard.

Do you feel this way?

Life perfect for you?

We told both of our kids that we'd like for them to wait for marriage until Chapter 30- I'm sure they both have their opinions and feelings about love.  And marriage.  I will always support them in whatever they choose.  Always have, and always will. But man, looking back, if you could help them help themselves....

Love.  It's what makes this world a better place.

Now go hold hands.  Or say sorry.  Whichever will work best tonight.

Do you promise to love unconditionally? 

Forgiveness can be a bitch.  But it's the only thing that will get you through. If you've decided to let go of what was trying to get built, or shoot, you didn't want what happened...just remember....love will find a way back into your heart.  I promise.
It's especially hard these days, and even more so with the next generation of social media, texting, pictures.
Lures from outsiders trying to make their way in.

We can only hope for our children.  That they are able to walk the long road through marriage, or long relationships if they so choose to.

I know this post is long and mushy.  Or irritating, depending on your outlook.  Today.  haha.  Catch ya on shark week? And if you're wondering my reason for this post?  It's because I keep it real. Bill and I are in a great place in our lives. Together.  We are in this.  But the road hasn't always been easy.  And I can assure you, we work at it every.single.day. 

Keep on keeping on.  Smile, and try to feel pretty.  Because staying pretty on the inside will forever keep you pretty on the outside.  It just will.

Happy Halloween you little tricksters.

Be safe, and remember to drive slow through those streets, while the little's are out.

xoxo

This Mama Lisa-

ps.  Bill...IF you catch this post- I am thankful for you.  I hope that the rest of our chapters are filled full of working on love.  I love you. 

Big hair, don't care.

No camera, no problem.

We were lucky enough to have Kali with us ALL weekend.  She drove home on Friday, and spent the night with us, both nights. 

We dined at a cute new place on Main St. in HB.  On the boardwalk, Friday night.  Do you love to people watch like we do?  Go there. 

Friday nights.  Look out kids, look out.  We got caught up-  About everything.  Her life in SM, her friends, her school, her plans, just about everything.  It's always nice to have those conversations one on one.  No phone in her face or hands.  Same for us.  No interruptions of sharing a conversation between friends with us- (although we missed our Gio) -  It was just her.  My camera never came out of my bag.  I know, roll your eyes.  No camera? No problem-

Soon we'd all land back at home and asleep by 10 because we are crazy like that-whomp whomp.
Saturday she wanted to shop.  And shop we did.  For anyone that truly knows me, knows I can't stand to shop.  Put me in a mall, and call it misery. 
Fashion Island was her choice.  The best people watching place around.  Seriously, good stuff.

She bolted around with her bag of Brandy Melville stuff.  I scoped out yummy places to grab a quick bite.

Again, we'd land at home with plans to make fish taco's from fish that Kris has caught.  A few friends came over that night, and delish-ness time it was!  Taco partayyy!

Sunday was nothin' but lazy fest.  Kali had plans with Gianni, so Bill and I kissed her good-bye and held that couch down real good. 
Starving bodies would soon evolve so we stepped over to Harry's to eat. 
And do a quick toe dip into some salt water.

 

During the fall months, there is something about the beach. It's peace.  It's tranquil sounds.
The sun shines down, but not too bright.  The angle of the sun changes. It's all very good...

Our idea of Sunday afternoon would be baseball, and more chill fest.

GO GIANTS!

Although my body says take me back there.  My heart says stay here and work hard.
The days are long, and the nights can be interesting-
Work, health and taking care of business is what it's all about right now.

Each morning as I leave for work, I spot pumpkins. Decorations.  Halloween is here, and boy this year will be different.  Each year since our littles were little, my sister would come over.  I'd make chili dogs, snap a million pictures of the kids, hand out candy, source out candy, and hit the streets together.

Halloween won't be quite the same this year.  Have fun everyone, gathering your last bits of costume stuff, and goodies for your babies....hold on to the clock, because it's spinning faster than I ever imagined it would.

Trick or Treat!

Last year 2013

Get after what makes your heart full.  Love where love is needed.  Give where you can, and always always spread kindness to animals-

This weekend I left my camera in my bag. No camera, no problem.


Peace and Love-

This Mama Lisa

Miles don't matter.

Kali came home last weekend while Bill and I were away.  I do recall her mentioning that she was actually missing her bed IN HER DORM.  She loves her bed there.  Brandy, again..thank you.  Mama B spoils that girl.
My one hope was that she'd wait for Bill and I to get home on Sunday.  And wait she did.  Just for me.
We headed to the grocery store filling her little VW Jetster up, and soon she'd pull away....
I couldn't resist my waves all the way around the corner.  And tears.  Tears fell. From me, and from her.
I stood in my living room reminding myself as I wiped tears off of my cheek that we promised to support her. And this. 
Reminding myself to pull it together Leese.  Pull it together. 
It's still hard. 
It's still weird.
She's not home.
Her room is tidy, yet empty.
So so so many nights I really really miss her.

Things are getting better. 
Her little slices of hope are when anyone will drive out to visit her.  It gives her something to look forward to.
I said "I'll drive out on Wednesday honey"
"You will?!"  Yes, I will.  And I did.  And my sister asked to come along.

Can life feel any better as I scoot down the 5 South headed to that lovely 78? 

Dinner, hugs, laughs, good talks along with confirmation that she IS moving mountains. 
It hasn't been easy.  It's been incredibly tough.  I might mention that she is kicking ass in the academic dept.  And that one class that had her in pieces during the beginning days has become her best class.  Not her favorite, but certainly her best.  She's the top rank in that said class.  Public Speaking.  Her professor loves her. She's "nailin' it" on all of her speeches.  Ranking the top in grades.  boom.

We were starving, so we scooped her up and headed here:

Thought it was funny how we both show up wearing camo.  aww.

Stone Brewing World Bistro- In Escondido- If ever in their area, it's a must.  Cute, and the word lovely just doesn't do it justice.  Pictures don't do it justice.  The smell of the forest, while being surrounded by huge boulders, and architecture that melts the soul.  Water falls, and fire pits, adorned with wooden Adirondack chairs.  Perfect.
After hearing about this place from my cousins Andrea and Lonnie (thanks!) we are so glad we visited. 
Especially after hearing Kali express her new love of this place.  And her smile. xo

Dorm life 2014- 2 Month survivor-ha

Dinner would wrap up, and we'd be headed back to her dorm sooner than we all wanted, but the clock was tickin' and our ride home is long and tiring, especially after a day of work. 

If you are laughing at this cheesy picture above, I am too.  We realized it was her 2 month dorm-anniversary.
Two whole months living in this room.  She actually has it made.  Her place is awesome with a capitol A.
It really is.  And she knows it.  My sister is quite the photographer and snapped 95 shots, and all blurry but these two.  Cheese-fest.  Huge, Laugh Out Loud.

Happy FRIDAY!  I hope you all have a great weekend....do what makes your heart full. 

Remember, you come first. 
Well, that's if you don't have little ones at home.  Even then, take time for you.  You deserve it.
Long bath? Hot shower? Wine? Candles?  Bring it baby, bring it.

xoxo

Big love,

Lisa

Taking me back.

While we were out of town I was scrolling through Instagram and came across a picture of my son.

On his Uncle Wayne's page.

I seriously sat there with a flood of memories flowing through me.

Could it be that he's twenty five?

Did the years just cruise on by?

The years really didn't fly by.  

Actually they didn't.  Kris and I have had a good long run together.  He was my little buddy from day one.

Signing him up for anything and everything possible to become involved.  I have always cherished the days of "Mommy and Me"-  And "Tot Lot"-  And of course Cub Scouts, St. Raymond's Summer Camp, that he LOVED.  Anything and everything that I could sign him and I up for, even during his baby days, I did.  Swimming lessons, bmx riding days where I would drive him to the craziest places to ride.  Because they had the BEST jumps. Good jumps? We'll go. He's a true Leo, in all forms.  Eyes on me type of guy. It's in his blood.  Follow his journey, and you'll see.

Although the first days were the hardest.  A young mama, trying to figure him out.  He cried, I shuttered, he shit so much one night causing it to run up his back, and all over his bassinet. I shuttered. And there were many, many, many more days and sleep deprived nights that would be filled with screams, and shhh's, and rocking in my wooden rocking chair -thanks Uncle Wade and Aunt Ronda-we'd endure many more shit blow outs, and nervous pacing around the house . He cried those first few weeks, extra much, I shuttered.  He gave me stretch marks (i only shutter now when I put on my bathing suit and avoid looking in that area), he gave me smiles. I tried so hard to nurse, but between completely sore boobies, and the lack of the knack for breastfeeding.  I quit. He gave me love like I never felt from any other human on this Earth.  He changed my perspective of life. He really shifted my purpose.  He always, always would love me back.  Don't get me wrong, he kept me on my toes.  The first days of soccer games where he'd rub his legs because they hurt, and he was too tired to run.  I was the team mom. Cheering him on, yet a tad embarrassed.  He lasted 2 seasons.  The days of soccer practice where he'd end up climbing high in trees while the other team mates drank their water.  He was active. He was busy.  He was most always dirty.  Dirty clothes, dirty face.  The visits to his teachers always involved praise of his academics, yet his gift of gab would most always get him moved to the front of the class. He was never a trouble maker, and most always won the hearts of his teachers. Kris was part of the GATE program (Gifted And Talented Education)- He is brain. One summer he was invited to Biola University for the Trig Summer class. 
He will never litter, and he will always treat elders and actually any one with kindness.  His respect while being served in any public place is top notch.  Both of my kids were taught at a very young age, that respect and appreciation while being served must come first.  That being rude, or disrespectful will NOT be tolerated.  I was THAT Mom that over packed while out because I always made sure they had what would keep them sane.  Or, for a better term, me sane. Or shoot, the whole restaurant/store sane.

I get to work with him every single day.  Some days are harder than others, because when shit hits the fan, or he is late, or he is unorganized, or he is this or he is that, it makes it hard. Because eyes on me.
To say that I am lucky to be present with him every day is true. I am. And I know that.
Even now, when I do hear of the stories his friends and he share about the days that I was ignorant.  Like parties at my house while I was gone.  A living room filled with sleepy heads.  Or when I would pull up to the bike park and insist to smell his hands in search of cigarette smoke.  Only to be told now that they wore gloves as a cover up.  Thank God he doesn't smoke today.  ugh.

I am lucky to be called Mom. I am lucky that I had the chance to conceive, and birth.  I am lucky that I felt life inside of me.  I am lucky to have breast fed. I am lucky that I had the chance to watch them learn to talk, and walk.  And learn the lessons in this big life.  Those blessings have made me who I am today.

To be called Mom, and know that you did the best job you thought you could with them, is so fulfilling.

To be called Mom and look back on pictures while you were in the thick of parenting not realizing how much change would come.

And change has come.

To look back on these precious snap shots, remind me of my purpose.  And just how lucky I was to become a mother. 

Anyway, stay tuned folks, "I may take back the lucky to work with him part during shark week".

just sayin'-

Happy Thursday to you all.

May your days be bright, and your nights peaceful.

xo

Leese

Our purpose-

We bailed for one week.

That's a miracle in itself.

No, really it is.

It's funny when your babes were little, and you couldn't wait for date night, and date night arrived and all you could do was talk about the babes.

We've always yearned for a vacation.  In Havasu, alone for a week. It was our target time.  To get away, alone, and just be us.

Things we learned from this:

That mountain bikes are rad, and no matter what your daughter says, helmets ARE cool. 

That on a couple of streets we actually were hauling ass, and boy that noggin sure needs a helmet.

That following him was quite fun, especially when he took me around the city to land here.

This was our first weekday away, and not at work. 

But first let's talk about the boat races.

Again, follow the leader, and guess who takes the lead.  This fine man.

And disappoint they did not. When you mix water, and top fuel, with the roar of the motor, and adrenaline that flows around in the air, it just does not disappoint.

When you run into friends, that are hanging in there, yet missing their lover.  Dave, we missed you dude. I could only think of the smile you had up in heaven watching all of this. 

As your closest friends mastered Jenga.

See?

We felt you there.

If there is one thing in this life that I adore, it's tradition.  It's the same rhythm or pattern of life.  The love that flows.  Or the kindness that shakes tradition.  As I stood under some shade, I looked to my right to see a boat, and driver being covered in love, and prayer.  Chills people, chills.  xo

And this my friends, is BAD ASS.  Rumble your chest, burn your ears, BAD ASS.

So back to our school of purpose.  The chapter of learning to be just us.   On Monday, after making breakfast and dining on our patio, we'd hop over to launch at a very quiet ramp.  Love at first sight if you ask me.  Shoot, ask that question to anyone, and they'll melt in your arms.  ha.

Off we'd go with our eye on our cove.  Music turned up, and smiles breaking from our lips.

Big foot sighting.

The Springs for lunch...yes please.  Sold on their Monday Madness, with drinks half off, and food even cheaper, yes please.

We've visited this cove for many many years, and most often times in the summer months it has a "NO VACANCY" feel that waves in front as we pull in.  Not this day-  This fine day said...."come in you two"-

And there we stayed...for the duration of the afternoon.  Again, talking about life.  Work.  Our new world of us. 

And the days would go on.  As much as getting away is so kind on our hearts, we'd still have the urge to worry about work.  About the shop.  About money.  About future things, and what they hold.  About planning, and just what we are cut out for.  About love, and about us. 

And each night we watched the sun say goodnight. 

We learned that friends pull you through the different days. 

And that new adventures still hold us together. 

We learned that beautiful cars sit so still in our hearts. 

Our friend Jerry sold this beauty while we were there.  Drove her up from Santa Clarita.  Swwooon.

"Hey Jer"

We learned that classic cars will always, always be in style.  I mean look at this beauty. 

We were spoiled with beautiful dinners by this fine man and his lady.  Thank you Jim, and thank you Rosa! World, meet Sir Jim Bell (the famous Kenne Bell Supercharger owner)- Fine dinners, and fine wine, sitting around your fine place, yes we learned that friendship is warm, and especially full of love by you.  We have always cherished our time together.  Thanks Jim!

We learned that dreaming is dreaming, but if you shoot for the stars, you just might land in this sexy Caddie. 
Bill asked me what one car is my dream car.  We both love horse power, and we both love sexy.  But give this to me baby. 

I have a feeling it's gonna be under our Christmas tree.  I feel it.  ha!

Yes.

We all remember her, right? She's another crush of mine. 

Throughout the week, we learned that making breakfast, and planning dinner was our big deal.  We learned that our purpose in life shifted a little.  We learned that helping others, and being responsible for "something", has filled our chapters.  A few times during the week we'd plop down on the couch, or curl back up in bed, and look at eachother.  hmmm, is this what retirement feels like? 

We made our way to the local skate park, which is very nice I might add.  To hand out love.  Stickers, shirts, hats, and love.  As Bill pulled the truck around to the kids, I approached a couple of young lads.  Trying not to seem like a freaky weirdo, I introduced myself, and offering them this. 

As Bill handed out goodies, and I snapped shots, I realized my heart felt full.  It feels full to give love.  To have a purpose.  To help others, or give the smallest notion of kindness. 

And they loved it.  As we pulled away, our hearts felt full.  We smiled at each other with peace inside.  To scatter kindness and love to kids staying clean, or working on their next trick.  Mastering something.  Their purpose. 

We learned that being away without a purpose was a little challenging.  We learned to slow down, and not run around so fast.  We learned that home prepped meals can be sweet, and slow. That changing our diet, with different recipes, and time frames, was good.  We learned that watching a movie, uh um, or trying to because I fall asleep and get the startled glare from my lover.  We learned to explore, and yet save.  We learned that being together is where we feel safe.  We learned that change is here, and that we did our job as parents.  We learned that by loving each other we are shaping their future, and shaping ours.

It wasn't easy being away from the shop.  We woke most every morning before the sun.  The look we know in each others eyes isn't an easy look.  It's a worried look reassuring the other that "every little thing is gonna be alright"-  We still cheered at cocktail hour, and quietly watched the sun set.  I more than once got huge lumps in my throat because of the changes.  I shed tears, and quickly wiped them away with laughter to chase them away.   We sat in our cove listening to our favorite music, and yet hurried home in time for a nice home made dinner vs. a restaurant.  We grocery shopped at a snails pace, and yet rushed home to realize there is no rush.

These new chapters are a tad awkward to me.  To him.  To both of us.  Those that know us, know that we have always made a way for date nights, weekend, and days.  But let me just say....things are totally different.  Trust me.  Change has been wild.

We are learning.  To live, and to let live.  To grow, and yet work. 

Thank you for being patient while I stepped away from my blog land.  As much as I wanted to type away, I just didn't make the time for it .

To say the last couple of days at work were busy, is an understatement.  Clearing my desk, and juggling people and phones is my life.  But jumping back in after sliding around at a snails pace has been a tad bit weird. 

Happy Humpday lovers. 

Keep your chin up.  Don't give up.  Love the life you live, because some are taken way too soon.

To the friends that love us, and surround us with kindness during these days, we love you.

Go get after it. And don't look back.  Only you can keep you happy.  Remember that.

Love and peace.

Lisa
The girl trying to find her new purpose.