One Month.

As of today, I can officially mark down "one month" on my calendar-

One month of my girl trying to settle in at college. Not an easy road.

Knots and stumbles.

Early mornings trying to figure it out. Without Mom in the next room.

Living away.

Hating every minute.

The pep talks.  The long phone calls, where I become a therapist, slash best friend.

killing it with crocs.  wow.

During the first week away, it was all she could do but count minutes to get on a train and get the hell out of there.

I got it.

I can't begin to tell you just how many times she used the "T" word.  T, as in transfer.  As in, I can't and don't want to do this Mom.

We went so far as look it up. Together.

She cried only a couple of times.  Her strength has always bewildered me.  Not in a bad way, but I often see her as strong, and yet too much of an old soul.

And so, I never let the words so easily spoken from friends banter me.  Or her.  I understood, and I most always listened with huge big open ears.

Always offering her funny tid-bits about "how fast this will fly by"- When we both knew on each end of our face time chats, that this shit was real, and it wasn't happening that fast. 

It's been a month of really waiting for her to come home on Fridays.  Just to hug her, and smell her over fragranced car, filled with way too many car fresheners.

To see her grab her cat Hannah and give her kisses, and twirl right into her room collapsing onto her bed.

Knowing that home is home.  No matter where you travel in this world, home is home.  And your mom is  your mom.

This last week, Bill and I packed up for a trip to Havasu.  Not all fun and games, so don't get too jealous.  We celebrated the life of our friend Dave.  (more on this tomorrow)-  We worked around our house, and transplanted our once dream of a tropical paradise back yard with more realistic life, with Sage, and Bottle Brush flowers, etc.
We soaked alone in our pool, chatting away while the music played, and we reviewed our last pages in this chapter.  Alone.  We floated, and laughed.  We reminisced about Dave.  About how our friends make such an impression in this life.  We carried on about the kids.  Especially Kali.  I of course worried that she'd never make the path she once dreamed of away at college.  We slept more than we've slept in a very long time.  We took a back seat to the mad rush of our lives.  I took some pictures, not too many. Ironically enough my camera battery was out of steam mid-way on Friday as we celebrated Dave.  Maybe it was a reminder to sit back.  Look around.  Soak up the notion of friendship and love. 

And finally.  Finally, I received a message from Kali.  She wasn't driving home this weekend. She was instead going to decorate her dorm a little more.  She called asking advice on what colors would go best with her rug choice for her kitchen area.  You all know me, ROSS girl, find ROSS, and don't look back. Get the hell out of Target. Like now.

She said Tori was driving out Saturday and that she met some really nice new girls.  She said Gianni was coming out on Sunday, and her weekend at her place was finally.....finally falling into place. She never came out and said this, but I felt it.

I asked several people about the transition of college.  Or any transition for that matter.  How long does it take? Should we be more strict with her coming home.  Am I too nice. Did we do the right thing.  I mean, a flood of shit rolls through your head as a parent.  Maybe not all, maybe those that have kids in other states, and tucked them away in old college dorms the old school way, dusting their hands off as they board planes.
Trying their hardest to not look back. Beaming strength from their grins.

You question it all.

Life is fast.  It's hard, it's good, it's confusing, yet easy.  If we step back and say "every little thing is gonna be alright"-  It's a brief moment, of ah-ha.  This can be done.

With this weekends phone calls and texts', I feel it.  It's not always gonna be a smooth ride.  But it's hopefully starting to feel a little more like home.  Her home.  Some place that has been all too unfamiliar, and yet if we get out and make it feel a little more like Kali, then maybe this will all fall together.

In this month.

I have learned her strength and her weaknesses.  I have learned who I am.  As a mother, and a home maker.  I have learned what makes us tick and what makes us stronger.

old stage coach pic.

Kali if you read this:
I am beyond proud of you.  Conquering this life's biggest change of chapters.  You were scared. I was scared. Always more. I am enlightened by what makes you most comfortable, and what makes you more hurt.  I know who you are.  And I am forever grateful to call you my girl.
What I have birthed is a special person that walks this Earth.  And I know for sure that you will make this path what YOU need it to be. Education will take the lead, we know that.  Taking care of you is number one.  Staying safe, and True is a key runner in this chapter. Remember that.

To all of my friends with youngers, please don't be persuaded by others of what THEY think should be done.  Or how THEY did it.  Because every family is different.  Every human is different.  Every child is different.  Every life is different.

Happy Monday kids.  Cheers to Kali for making it ONE month.  You little cougar you.  Even though you are fighting the cougar status, you are moving those mountains around you.  And I have your back.
Dad is rooting for you with both hands in the air, like he does.  When he says "give me high five" and you cringe with embarrasement.

We love you.

xo
Mama 

ps- Happy Birthday to my beautiful Aunt Lynda, she walked into Chapter five O today.

Tis' true, five-o never looked so good.  Happy Birthday Auntie Lyn (pictured on the right)