Same dress. Different day.

Last night was a little epic, if I am being honest here. So epic, that it will go down as one of our funnest nights.  The kind of night that is highlighted with a neon yellow highlighter in my chapter book.

Bill and I left work early in hopes of beating the traffic into LA.  And beat the traffic we did. 

You see, Bill had bought us tickets to see my favorite singer. "Jack Johnson"-

Upon arriving at our hotel (Loews), we checked in, and stepped up to the bar.

Exhaling a little, and kind of catching up, if you will- We have both been flying in different directions....

We would soon receive a call from our little connection-

"When you guys arrive at The Greek, head to The Redwood"

And being the hotel snob that I am, I booked us at quite the little hut.  

Cheers to this.  Right?

Moving along, I had this vision of heading over to a restaurant that Maria and I had dined at years ago, with the girls before Jack Johnson- BUT, Bill wanted to "venture" around town.  And being the grossed out girl that I am, and in heels, I had a hard time adjusting to the whole Hollywood vibe.  To me, it's just dirty and gross.  But, that's just me.
After the first bar, I pleaded with him to just find something clean.  Anything.  Just clean. 

 And if you're wondering if this is my favorite hat and dress....it is.

It's O'neill in case you wonder, and I currently totally over wear it.  Along with my favorite hat.  That I decided to wear on a 95 degree day.  boom.

Our silly ride over.

Now we just need to find The Redwoods.

 Nailed it!

Once we arrived at this cute little path, it would guide us to our names on a list.  And a list of people that blew me away.  I sat down with a glass of wine, looking around in amazement.  A pinch me moment.  Bill and I would soon meet and chat while sitting there with Jack Johnson's babysitter.  She cracked a smirk while saying "I changed his diaper"- 

 The Greek is rad, but sitting in this hospitality area was top notch-  No, seriously.

Free wine, free food, free beer (good beer)-  

Cute silver cup too! 

So if you ever get invited to a concert at The Greek, and you're told to head to The Redwoods.  Go.  Drop everything you are doing, and go. 

As we walk out the side door, and down into the concert.  We'd be smack dab front row.  Ha- I crack up just typing this because Bill and I were like two little kids.  One shock to the next. 

Honey, thank you for such a great night.  Thank you for such a filthy amazing journey in Hollywood.
These last few months have been wild.  In so many ways, I can honestly say this summer has been one of our hardest as of yet.  It's been filled with hectic schedules, loss, grief, pain, travels, changes, fast chapter changes, tears, moves.  All of it.  I mean, to sit and stare at each other while trying to put it all out to digest just isn't possible.

Cheers to Jack!  Cheers to all of you!  Cheers to a long weekend, and lots and lots of sunshine!


Big LOVE and special wishes of peace to all of you....

Go play-

I promise to go hang up my over worn dress.  That currently has wine spilled on the front. 

Leese

ps. Hey Sickler family....you will be in my thoughts all day long tomorrow as you go tuck your girl into her dorm.  Sav if you read this, please know you can and will move big mountains sugar.  You won't be too far.  And you can come back home any time.  Go do it sweet pea!! 

pss.  Interested in amazing cookies, and super cute ideas?  Go here- Crows Custom Cookies
Donna and I were room mommies when Kris and Paula were in Kindergarten.  To say she's amazing is an understatement.  Her heart is full, and her hands work magic. 

Those notes. Those things. Those people.

Last night was my first night home, alone.  My sister looked at me and said "are you gonna be okay"-
Of course.  Tee, I've got this.  No biggie.  (Happy  Birthday Sister!)

Virgo/Aries.

As I entered my house at close to midnight, I am quickly greeted by 2 chubby cats.  Both elated to see me.
Actually, they were hungry, making me even more popular.

No big deal, I started the shower, I was exhausted.  (because I drove a couple hundred miles to have dinner with my littlest-shhhhhhh-ha) Well, and decorate her dorm a little more.  As I sat next to her at dinner, I could feel, and see her anguish.  I could most definitely see her sadness.  I continued to change the subject and remind her how tough she is, and that this new scary, sad phase will soon turn into better days.  Nesting in a new place takes a little while.  The smells, the bed, the walls, all of it.  It takes time.

Although the miles are there, they actually aren't too far.  I also told her that during her darkest days, this will make her the strongest. One day she will look back on these memories that so many people are never ever able to achieve, or live long enough to experience.  This is good.

My job was to raise good human beings.  My job was to nurture you, and give you what it takes to make decisions that last a lifetime.  My job is to prop you back up when you start to fall over.  To praise you, and love you during your darkest hours.  My job is to love you, and miss you, but always to encourage you. I am quite sure I have made mistakes.  Mistakes that I would learn from, and of course tuck away in the corner of my soul. 
Yes, the house is empty.  Yes, the electric toothbrush that drove me bonkers each time it would fall over as I reached for mine is gone.  Yes, your room looks different, although I feel you in there.  As a matter of fact, I sat in there this morning and sipped coffee with "Hannah"- Yes, I miss your clothes, and accessories. I especially miss those black sandals I parted with.  I never thought I would see your room so organized and neat.  If I'm being honest, I really wish you were sitting in there with me having coffee, but you are moving mountains...remember-

Each morning, I thank my lucky stars that I have Dad.  I am thankful that I have a support posse' of friends. Those very friends that are walking the same plank.  Those same friends that probably wake up in the middle of the night and wonder.  Those same friends that probably get the same messages from their daughters.
The ones that read "Mom, this is so hard"-  Or "Omg Mom, some of my professors are so weird"-  Or, "Mom, this class is gonna be so hard....public speaking isn't my thing".  I know, Kali.

But you are moving those big mountains we spoke about.  Remember back in March when we decided to tour? Remember on the way home when you slid on that brave hat, and pulled up those kick ass boots?  Remember Kali?  It's who you are.  It's why you will get somewhere in life.
By taking chances.

You have us.

You have a unit. People that truly love you.  And stand back in pure awe.  

Your Dad that gets tears in his eyes the next day as he's explaining how fast her little girl days flew by.
Or when he mentioned we never got the chance to talk to Grandma Shirley about it.  She was so proud of you.  The first thing she would ask, "how's Kali"- Whether it be soccer games, or this big step in college.  She was so proud of you.  She didn't get the chance to see these pictures.  She didn't get that phone call from us explaining how it all went.  Or a boyfriend that offered everything, plus strength in his own sadness as he put away your kitchen goods.  

Your Dad that made sure the little 3M stickers were put on so perfectly.  The same Dad that scooted Mama out of the bathroom so he could hang the shower curtain perfect.  He hung your mirror, and adjusted your bed, and air conditioning vent.  

You are lucky that this dude is cheering you on, in his unselfish way.  Surprising you with many things.  Just when you needed it.  The two of you have some pretty full chapters written, and more to come. I am sure.
As we unfolded our day together, our little team held it together.  From laughter, to jokes, and lots of work. 

Dad kept reiterating how safe this place was.  How good it felt to leave you somewhere that felt good.

I felt the same way.

As much as we prepared for the day, it was all kind of a blur once I got back home.  The week leading up to was a tad bit brutal.  I think for all of us. Yet we just kept moving. Like robots.  We kept moving. It was all surreal. 

The sweetest blessings are pulling together with others that tend to do their own things.  When your kids grow they build relationships, and fall in love, and move on in their lives.  Kris called me on Saturday night.  "Mom, do you guys wanna bbq?"  Yes, yes bub we do.  See you Sunday in the afternoon? 

The day was so full of sunshine, and a breeze swept by us, almost begging us to look around, and just soak up the last days of summer.  The moments together before everything really digs deep. 

For those that know Kris have watched his passion for salt water.  Deep sea fishing to be exact.  We have a freezer FULL of fish.  And so the grub begins.  He put together quite the fest for us. 

Last week as I arrived home from work, in a complete stress haze, and so zombie'd out, that all I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and hide from the world. I received this.  A card from Bill.

It seems he's happy to spend more time alone, haha.  Most of all his praises for my hardwork as a Mom.
Motherhood has been my toughest job. 

My most favorite note of all, is finding this from Kali.


If there is one thing I have succeeded in, it's the proper expression of love and compassion.
Two important things that I have taught my kids.
Love letters, and notes fall right next to this.
The gratefulness of me, and those that offer them goodness.

Did you know that I never once cried in front of her?

I held on to Bill, I held on to friends, and I most certainly held on to taking deep breaths.

But I never let those tears fall.  Although many, many times I would walk out of a room mid sentence.
And she knew why.

Bill knew why.
Gianni knew why.
Kris knew why.

But I never wanted her to pick me up.

My job is to push, and praise, and love and nurture.



Happy Tuesday!

Big Love, and lots of high fives!

Stay tuned for tomorrow night!  My lover is taking me on an adventure.....boom!

ps. hint- "It's always better when we're together"

xoxo

As they say....

The day would unfold the way it should "for you"- For each individual family.  It can never be planned out perfectly. It never ever will roll out like you'd hoped, or expect.
You can try to imagine what it will be like, but trust me, you'll never know-

As we loaded the truck with all things packed into our living room, I knew she over packed clothes.
I most certainly knew that I had managed to supply her with all things "Kali"-
Her favorite shampoos, conditioners, soaps, toothpaste...
This also included the many cute decorations, and hand made little things I had ready. The bedding she had to have, and the pictures and pillows that matched her little style.

Her new bedding, and of course her super flat slobber stained pillow from her bed. Don't fret, it's clean.  It's just her favorite flat pillow.
Her scents from her room, would indeed follow her there.  I made sure of that.
As the three of us strolled down the freeway, I felt an ease of something.  I can't explain how I felt, but I just felt ready.

I had maybe slept 3 hours on Thursday night.  As a matter of fact, all week while Bill was at a trade show, I was lost.  I built up so much anxiety, that I had pressure in my chest.  Something I said to no one, just hid in my showers, bed, and front porch.  And true reality, I just wanted to -GET IT OVER WITH-

I wanted to start the process of getting her situated. I didn't want tearful goodbyes, I didn't want to see her cry.  I most certainly just wanted peace.  I felt no peace all week. Zilch.
As we arrived at the campus -we soon spot Gianni--- where the check in signs lead us to the place where they give their ID's and a much dreaded long wait for the dorm key.  The response from those critters was quite frustrating "Um your room isn't ready yet but we'll let you know before the end of the day"-  Um, say what?
To keep the story short, Bill and I enjoyed a sandwich and lunch they provided (super good by the way)- to soon head over to look for any and all moving devices-
I made my way to the front office to "say hello-LOL" and was able to get a master key, with a master person to head up and OPEN that shiz up.
Being the hero mom, I called her and said, head over....your room is open.

And "meet Dad and I in the parking lot, WE FOUND AN ORANGE TOTE- These things were like finding gold. Little miracle after little miracle was happening.  I kept telling myself each time that popular lump in my throat would creep up.  These are the sweet things that are making this day beautiful. It's these little things Lisa...

After opening up the door, she soon started scheming a different lay out.  Where she wants her bed, and how she wants her desk.  During this process we knew that I will be back.  The dorm lights, more pictures and things I made to hang up, the extra closet storage Bill is taking back, the bed risers that didn't quite fit, but Dad is making some to work.  The corners of her bed that already gouged her leg will soon be fixed by her Dad's pad that he will make.  We all got to work.  With the loving hands of all, we managed to work up until they made us leave.  Gianni helped unload, carry, pack, set up, hang up, and discard.  We were quite the team.  All along, I kept thinking, this is a beautiful day. 

We still have lots to go with little decorations.  I needed to see the scheme of it all.  I needed to get my feet wet with it all.

After putting up as much as we could, without hanging her little dorm lights, pictures I brought....we ran up to Ralphs to fill her little fridge and stock her up with yummy's.  This view as you walk out of Ralph's. Her school.  The area is so beautiful.

 First phase of her dorm.  Bill is headed back next week to hang a "black out" curtain, and taking her a closet for extra clothes storage.  I'm headed back to finish decorating.

 They had a beautiful bbq for the families as they start the transition to get us out of there.  As they start announcing on the speakers, you can see the flurry of parents headed back up to the dorm for one last quick hug, and one last look over.  We did so well, all day. I hugged her quickly, tight and DID NOT cry.  I told her for the millionth time that my pride in her will never fade.  That some people never get this opportunity, and some people that do, never take advantage of it, because they aren't ready or willing.  Her strength, and her knowledge to make this leap will forever keep my soul at peace. I wore no makeup, hair in a braid, walked on out of there like a zombie. I held it together until the elevator.  And only there did I let those tears fall just past my sunglasses.  Bill put his arm around my shoulders and did his famous whisper "Honey, she's fine, you did great, this is a great place and she is amazing"-

I know it's a great place. I know she's only 100 miles.  The elements of our chapters changed a little.  The nights will be different, and the mornings will indeed be way different.  We spent Saturday morning on the sand.  I went for a long walk.  Reflecting.  Praying.  Exhaling.  Soon we'd start making our errands and life busy.  As we always do. Smiling at eachother every so often as a reminder "She's fine" -  This is good, and she will move mountains.

 It wasn't until Saturday night when I received a text that read "Mom, this is so hard"-

 Kali, I can only imagine.  I miss her at home, and it's only been 2 days.  I miss the many moments we share laughing.  Sunday morning the same type of text.  I just miss waking up in my bed, in my home.
I grabbed my ipad and taught myself very quickly what "FACE TIME" is.  So we laid in our beds miles apart, morning hair, crusty eyes, and we chatted.  She walked her classes yesterday to prepare for Monday's first day.  Our Sunday has been filled with boating, sunshine, yummy breakfast burrito's.  And this little dude.

I have tons of pictures.  I figure this is a slice.

Our life will begin to iron out.  Her life will begin to take shape.  Her new friends will get to know her, and boy are they lucky.  Her professors will get the chance to meet an amazing girl.
The mountainsides of San Marcos will bless Kali's eyes when she might want to cry.  The road isn't far, and this Mama will be back.

I will do what it takes to make her heart feel full.  There is no sense of "ripping that bandaid" around these parts.  Life is too short to make one suffer for the sake of others.

Friday was a beautiful day.

It was a day of change.
It was a day of strength.
It was a day of love, and pure faith.

I never ever imagined that our day would come so fast to open this new chapter book.

Whatever her career path leads to, I just know......she will pave the way, just the way it's suppose to be.

As I finish this post before Kris comes over to bbq some of his freshly caught fish, I just received a text from Kali.  A shuttle over to Target with some of the girls was a blast.  She finished buying her school supplies and a few other things she is stoked on.

I hope those that catch this post today enjoy the rest of this beautiful warm Sunday.

Get out and live.  Life is hauling ass.  And if you don't grab it by the tail, it will slip away.

As they say "We only get one shot"-

Big love, and super high fives to you Kali!  And Gianni, to you too....this has been an uphill mountain that's for sure!

xoxo

Leese