DUCKS.

I had to turn the news off -

Then we had the idea to change scenery and escape to Havasu.  Chores we'd like to get done.  Purging would take place. The idea of changing all the little things I've wanted to change all year.  

Then we got here and I literally slid into a morphed sloth of depression.  Feeling too far from the kids (Kris especially as I have been grabbing his meds, groceries, cooking for him...etc)

You realize no matter where you are. Where you go. This isn't going anywhere, anytime soon.

The Great American way here in Arizona is to keep the flow of the lake wide open to escape reality for a bit.  We've dropped the boat in twice.  Felt so good to just cruise across the seasonal windy lake.  I didn't care.  Can't stop in the channel.  Can't stop at our favorite watering hole.  Can't go to dinner.  And then more reality slaps you in the face.

Will these places survive?

Will our family and friends survive this?

I've been tossing and turning all week.  Sleeping with clenched teeth.  I drank too much twice thus far.  A little early to toss back my new favorite Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc at 2pm on a Monday.... (good lawrd slow that flow down girl)- Before you know it, I'm telling Bill we need a dirty martini.  Bedtime rolls around, then midnight pops up, I'm wide awake. Clammy, scared and over dwelling on so many things.  Between conspiracy, politics, truth and medical reality, this shit is fucking scary. 

Walking around this house in the still of the night.

Staring out at stars. 

Scared. 

I sat next to him the other morning with tears rolling down my cheeks.  Reality of what could happen any moment. 

A milestone birthday coming for me that I have absolutely NO desire to celebrate.  Now's not the time.  I don't like surprises.  I just want my family and friends safe. 

I feel like a duck.  Out in a field in like Arkansas where people go duck hunting.  (grrrr, who even hunts. lame. lol)

Pictured here is Bill and I. 

Trying to keep peace. Trying to stay calm. 

Trying NOT to get shot. 

We've had our quarantined moments. If I can hear him chewing. Goodness, run lisa run fast.  To the remote for music to turn-that-shit-up. LOL

I dropped two full jars of olives exploding everywhere in the driveway.  As I shouted FUCK, he said, "honey it's okay....we can get more don't let this get to you"-  It's those moments you realize it's just tension building.  In all of us. 

Olives. 

I mean, they are called for in my dirty martini, but it's okay. LOL.

Full moon made its beautiful appearance this week, along with I THINK Shark week.  Not too sure as this ol' body of mine is adjusting to the fine age of FIFTY.  One minute I am on the hunt for salty chips, the next I am craving cereal. HAHA!

I miss my friends.

I miss happy hour laughing all together. 

I miss hugging my babies. 

I miss all the little luxuries of the life we've worked so hard for. 

I miss sitting at a restaurant. 

I fear the places we've loved so much will close forever.

I just pray we all pull through you guys....

May this season be a reason for adjustment and change.  I keep trying to find the slivers of goodness that might come from this.  Maybe more families will continue those bike rides, and family time will be more engaged versus little screens in their faces. Maybe the joyfullness of being outside will prosper in those that never felt that before. 

Stay safe friends.

Wash your hands.

Don't lick your fingers ever again.  Or we can't be friends.

kidding.

kinda.

This Mama Lisa