Two Weeks.

January 10, 2020 I packed my car to the brim of just the things I needed to move on to the next chapter. 

And if you wonder if I cried?

Come on kids, it's Lisa. 

I bawled my eyes out all the way home. 

I kept thinking about that Kenny Chesney song "There goes my life" -Which I'm quite sure has nothing to do with work, more about love..." 

Almost Twenty Five years at Gaylord's.  The same email address.  A desk filled with all the things a mama accumulates throughout the years...

My tasks taught me more about life, humans, colleagues, employees, vendors, money, debt, jerks, human kindness, family, and the final pages were the feelings of walking away from something we worked so incredibly hard to sustain.  Something some folks might ever feel or taste, and yet I wouldn't trade it for anything.  The tenacity and hard work we put forth was worth all the blood, sweat and tears.  Again, something a lot of folks would never do or understand. 

Many days during the kids younger years I am not quite sure how I managed to parent, work and contribute where I could, most especially to their school, social and sports life.  Same goes for the gnarly chapter of Kris' journey of a fight for his life.  I still wonder how I managed to get through my daily tasks at work when I would arrive on minimal zombie amount of sleep. Not to mention a tad bit feisty to any customer whom was a jerk.  I just kept forging through.  Same for Bill.  We never stayed in bed and hid under the covers.   We had no choice but to keep on going. 

The last day was surreal.  I packed all the files I knew I'd need for the next several months.  I packed my babies pictures ever so gently into my car.  With no place to place them at home. (I'm already a clutter-bug) -  I drafted my last email to customers and vendors informing them of new contact info. 

I stared long and hard at the walls of my office.  A place that was a second home.  My babies rocking chair next to my desk.  My personal files and awards the kids earned.  

The highlighters I probably won't need right now.  The pens and markers placed in my front seat because I, for some reason love markers and pens.  I've been known to grow attached to a perfect pen and use that stinker until the ink ran out. 

Today.

Today marks our second week home.  A kitchen table with two computers and one printer that took days to set up the right way.  Paperwork still adorns my side.  Bill is the saavy one and is more organized and thorough with scans, I-Cloud storage, etc.  

The first week we waltz through Costco stocking up on all the healthy things.  Promising each other we'd not fall into the lazy, go out to lunch every day, over-do-the-drinking mode lifestyle.  That we'd

stick to our new commitment of health.  New chapters.  New work.  New mindful thoughts. 

I've worked hard through some very hard moments.  This next chapter will help me grab ahold of my mental state and ease me back to a healed heart.  Working out every day will be my first and foremost plan.  

We've crammed "stuff" into closets, garages, cupboards...to now realize it's time to sort and purge. 

Eating at home every day with a fridge that is becoming full of leftovers and apples that are rotting. 

So today, after the gym I cleaned out the fridge.  He's in the garage. 

The sun finally shone down on us today.  And yesterday.  Something that really plays tricks on my head.  Sun down, Lisa down. Sun up, Lisa up. 

So there you have a glimpse of the reality of us.  

It's like when you're home sick as a kid and everyone else is at school so you can't really go play.  And because we're trying to be well, in body and spirit, "hangin" out in places we shouldn't isn't where we are either. 

We're finding the new normal.  We are so lucky to have eachother. (even though last week we barked more at one another than ever-shhhh don't tell Bill I told you this, but he's a work-aholic and so this chapter is NOT easy) and as we both worked at our computer on Monday, I was singing to the country station playing and he got up and TURNED IT! LOL!!!!!!! 

And so......there you have it. 

Accomplishments? Hell yes. 

Pride? A little bit.

Scared?  Kinda.

Happy? Yes, when we are all healthy.

Content? Not quite yet.

Miss my family at work? Yes.

Miss the small mundane things about that building? Absolutely, it was my second home.  

And then you look around and realize just how fast this life is.  How fragile it is, especially after Sunday's tragedy.  And you tell yourself...Lisa, get on with life.  Love what's in front of you today. 

Be grateful you can hug your boy.  Your girl. 

And you receive cards like this from your baby birdie and you sit back in your new kitchen table office area and you are proud that you showed them/her what hard work proves.  What getting up every single day NO MATTER WHAT to make a difference. 

And if you sip wine on a Monday with 2 of the six pack at 2pm, then you really put things in check and say....today will be fun, tomorrow will be better...and the rest of my life is what I make of it. 

I've received nice messages from old customers, vendors and those I worked around through all the years.  I've also had emails and phone calls from customers I could care less I'd ever speak to again.  Rude from day one, still rude and boy oh boy the gratification of walking away from that noise.....

I hope this month has treated you well. 

I hope you pick up where you need to and sit back when you can-

Chapter 49- Almost 50.

Bring it baby....

This Mama Lisa