Keep Riding The Waves.

 The December gloom has landed upon my shoulders. 

I fought it off for weeks. 

 Not willing to give into the cold winter air. The gloom of the sunless harbor-side days.  The hustle of the sound of Christmas. Not the beauty in trees, decor and good food, but the tight shoulders filled with stress over a pandemic. 

The election drama that rolled out first, lingering in between everyone's continued Covid concerns.

Will it end?

Will people be changed forever?

Why, yes. 

Friendships and family gathering, but not including other humans because of a virus. 

Christmas schedules muted because no one can be held responsible for a simple hug. 

Life hands out "what if's" like confetti, and yet we all just continue to walk in circles.

Are we doing the right thing, or are we killing each other with a simple gathering. 

A Christmas tree is up, with no gifts wrapped yet, but a fridge is filled to the brim with all the good food. 

Wine will be devoured by loved ones, but the next morning we lay awake in fear of sickness.

I woke today with my old friend "worry" and his brother "sadness". 

Folding clothes that stayed in the dryer all weekend because I would rather be near my littlest birdie. 

But then another trip to the pharmacy to pick up my sons 9 bottles of medicines that keep him alive and able and I walk the same halls of the oncology and I am reminded of why my shoulders are stiff.

I am reminded of the text back to my parents that WE DO NOT need anything. No gifts.

I asked for a picture of them. 

A selfie if that's all they got. Whatever.

Don't spend just to spend and send. 

We have fridges full of food. We have health.  We have life.

To wrap and rip through within minutes. 

What are we doing?

Why do I feel this way every year?

Maybe it's the network of this pandemic. The shame we all will soon feel. 

Can't gather with too many because then you're the bad guy.  Can't leave someone out, because then you're really a bad guy. 

And so we just forge through. We're all connected in goodness and sadness.  In fear and in sorrow. 

Today I feel the gloom.  I feel the tainted breakdown of trauma.  Of the what if's. 

Do we say fuckit and just keep what we've always done, and that would be..."Our best"?

Do we live fierce, wild and free in our pods while forgetting the rainbow of friends we've made along the way?

Or do we just let the New Year blossom with hopes/beliefs a vaccination will swoop down and save the world? Skeptic much Lisa? Why yes friends, yes she is. 

For me, I'm stepping to the side in my own beliefs, washing my hands like a ninja like I do. 

My best to you and yours.

Keep your chin up and while taking a deep breath, right now......relax your shoulders. 

Maybe they're not bunched up like mine...

Just keep doing your best.

Keep the chatter out. 

Stay smart, but stay true.

This life is way too fast.

Way......too fast. 

Beautifully imbalanced, but full of love and silliness-

Let's continue to ride the waves kids.

PS. WASH YOUR HANDS. RELAX YOUR SHOULDERS. 

Good luck to you all...May you find warmth in sunshine on your shoulders. Love in a smile from a loved one. Compliment strangers. Do good deeds. 

And do not ever take for granted, the good ol' days.

Just keep ridin' the waves....

Each one.

You can do it. 

Cheers. 

PEACE OUT. 

Hallelujah

This Mama Lisa

Time Flies. But not really.

 This past Thanksgiving day I was reminded of just how special it was 5 years ago.  I made little posters. Representing words that I felt.  News to relay to the world. A donor was found for our son. We knew he was from Germany. Actually, at first, we were just told Europe. 

I woke early that morning to make these little posters so that we could make a video.  That particular morning we'd be hosting Jen's parents Jeff and Renee.  Between Tori, my sister, Jen, Jeff and Renee we knew it would be extra special. 

Bucky was with us.  This Thanksgiving I scrolled through those posters. Reminiscing on those no longer with us. And remembering Jen and all she did to care for him through the worst time of his life.  

I can't believe we're peeking at 5 years, and then again I can.  The road to get where we are today has been anything but easy.  I still wake almost every single night with the memories.  The torture that beast laid down on our family.  My son most especially.  The nightmare it was. It is.  It will never go away. 

But we celebrate all the victories now.  Posters. Pictures. Videos that are extremely hard for me to watch. I literally get a knot in my stomach when I see pictures of those days in the hospital.  They worked so hard to keep him alive. And yet I was numb.  Running on nervous energy 24 hours a day. 

5 years is January 13, 2021.  5 years we had an original Admit date of December 24th. All the prep would never prepare a family for what was about to take place. 

And yet here we are.  5 years, you guys. FIVE. 

They were taking him down 3 times a day to radiation. He was basically being put into a microwave.

I was watching my baby burn from the inside out. Like, what the actual fuck on Earth are we called to be so tortured.

Because of HOPE?

That's all I had. 

That is all I had. 

That is all I ever have.

HOPE. 

And lots of triggers and PTSD. I know he does too, but we all just navigate through the best we can. 

My sweet Kali deals with anxieties and issues daily that I know stem from some of what she watched. 

Heartbreaking.

And yet, 5 years. You guys, he's alive. 

And able. 

And navigating. 

And loving. 

And being kind.

And learning. 

And searching.

And pushing through. 

Thanksgiving 2020 was beautiful. 

Very different from years past, but so full of happy moments and love.

Kali and I cooked up a storm. 

Heart was full.

We miss Jeff. We miss Jen. We love Renee.

We climbed such big mountains together. 

So much changed in these 5 years.

Jeff and Bucky have left Earth. 

Jen lives in Australia. 

Kris has found the sweetest of all....Alexis "Lexi" whom we love!

It's been a hard year, but we have to believe that 2021 will be better. A good place to begin is with HOPE. 

There are two ways to be: Kind and respectful. A basic rule, per say...."One Rule", two words. BE KIND.

Not everyone will have our same beliefs.  Not everyone will like us. Not everyone will be on our side. Or their side. 

But kindness most definitely helps.

The mission in life is not merely to survive, as Maya Angelou said, "but to thrive, and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor and some style"- 

It's not about who you voted for.  Or what religion you follow. 

It's a notion to make another feel good. 

Taking into consideration what others have gone through.  What others have been handed.

I HOPE and pray I can be around long enough to see this horrible virus get under control.  I HOPE I can see my son and daughter flourish. 

To my friends and family in the thick of grief because of all the changes this year....

Hang tough. 

Life is delicate and oh, so fast. 

In case you're wondering how Kali's rescue is doing?

Just fine.

I hope you all feel lightheartedness, love and good cheer during this month. 

Of peace on Earth, human kindness and decency...wherever you may go. 

Go in PEACE. 

Because time flies......But not really. 

Love and PEACE. 

Most of all, HOPE.

This Mama Lisa

Time Slips By.

 Just as most, or all of you, I am exhausted from the marathon of a year.  So much so, I laughed harder at this last night than I have in a long time.  A silly Christmas tree- (minus the finding of an owl that tapped on my heart pretty good-He's in good hands at Ravensbeard Rehab Center getting the proper care and all the mice he'll ever want/need)-

This tree. 

Rockefeller Christmas Tree 2020

2019

And the Angels were singing "Get ready to rumble" 

HAHAHA!!!

This made me roar. 

Two Thousand Twenty kids.  There you have it.  The grand finale of sorts. 

Anyway....Chaos.  CHAOS, am I right?

We're all still searching for clarity too.  Meanwhile, life goes on, bills must be paid, appointments are set, a mother continues to worry and love and nurture.  A man works hard around his home to provide and take care of the things he worked so hard for.  And yet, we're still floating dab-smack in the middle of a pandemic. 

Add in the election. 

Family that doesn't agree. 

Friends torn apart by disagreement and change. 

Two Thousand Twenty. 

I have been literally scheduling my life around our new life. A son who is a delicate fish transplanted in the desert oasis we knew best fit for him. 

Trying to enjoy the lake life, and yet the sun is attacking his skin once again. 

A daughter beach side building a good life with Grant. Changes she made to be better and to do better.

My girlfriends that are my absolute beacon of light when things get dim. 

I have literally been driving back and forth through the desert with my music blaring and smiles and tears will occasionally break through for this new life. 

I celebrate little victories of happiness and I strive to work through anxiety. 

We all know what I worry about the most and yet there's so much positive floating around in my world. 

The elephant in the room gets covered with blankets alot. (Holla back atcha Vino)-

I thank God, and I pray every single day for the love and life I have been given. 

Forgiving those that have hurt me/us is a whole notha' story.  But for now, I am grateful.

Here's a snapshot of the last month. 

Love. 

Life. 

Friendship. 

Bestfriends. 

The Fruits and Labor of Hard Work. 

Happy Birthday Edie-

Cheers to good times!

Seal Beach Mama's

An incredibly hard working, good soul, robust for life, woman.  Cheers! 

My welcome home committee! 

Kali's foster "Beau" Thriving and driving LOL

Bat Man

My morning cardio happens at a place that is complete opposite of summertime vibes!

Two of the Six pack drove up....

Ferry rides across the lake...

So cute!

We shoot at targets in the gun range-

We share love with animals. 

We celebrate LIFE and the gift of surviving.  Even when thriving comes in waves.  

Catch and release. Life and LOVE. 

We love and love harder.  To the man that makes me happiest. 

Walking into Thanksgiving week and the holiday season.  

I still strive to be the fitness model lol jaykayyy, perfect mom role model and exceptional human, but just like you I deal with flaws.  I deal with fears.  I deal with anxiety and sadness. I wake each day hurting.  Physical and emotional.  I have for years.  But I keep on going.  

I tell myself to make a difference each day with something.  Even if it's moving furniture around or decor. Sometimes it's actually matching my socks.  (Which is a miracle for me).  Some days I tackle big tasks and sometimes small.  

If you're walking through a sad season if I can give you one bit of advice?

Shower. Take a shower and put on lip gloss if you're a girl.  If you're a guy, put lotion all over your body. Do something for your body.  For you.  But always shower. I promise you'll feel much better. 

If you're able to go on a walk?  Go walk. 

For years and years I would walk into the holiday season with a super heavy heart. 

Deep thoughts and sad moments.  Until I REALLY walked through scary big shit.  Then the holiday seasons shifted a little for me. 

Gifts?  Don't over do it. 

Cooking for someone you love? Do that. 

Listen to good music.  And loud. 

 HAHAHA

Cry while driving down a long road with good tunes. 

Leave love notes to those you love.  In spots they'll find later. 

For me, I know time is flying and that HWY 40 is my filter. To see my son and to see my daughter. 

To hug my best friends.  To smell ocean air.  To grab the desert sky with my eyes. 

Most of all, to sit next to Bill.  In silence and sometimes in loud music. 

Enjoy Thanksgiving friends.  

Wash your hands and remember to eat healthy.  It does matter.  

Much love,

Time sure is slipping by....

This Mama Lisa

Always On My Mind

Soaking Up LOVE.

 For the last month I floated back and forth in search of peace, love and all the bodies of water I could get near....

The day we decided to lay Bucky to rest, I didn't want the kids to see it.  Although Bucky is Kris' dog, I couldn't bear to have him watch that closure.  I held him in my arms as he slipped away into a slumber. 

It's those moments that seal the deal of not getting anymore animals. 

His loss was total heartbreak for me.  

To Kali, my little sweet sugar that was my driver and road dog that morning...I love you.  (I wouldn't let her in the room either...lol) It's amazing what mom's will endure to protect their own. 

I got home from the vet, packed my car to the brim and headed back to the arms of Bill...in Havasu. 

At first when I stared down at this paw print I thought....hmmm is this really Bucky Boys? Then I remembered how long and crooked his little nails were.  It's him. 

I still cry to some country songs, just thinking about him.  Oh man, the love for a dog. 

Walked into this....Bill....pure love.  A good long hug and cry, flowers and a Dirty Martini- 

Bestie drove up with Kali for a weekend of peace and love.  And LOTS of laughs! 

I stayed a week and jammed back South to handle more business, be with our girl, take care of our health and bodies...lol.  And we'd go back to be with The Six Pack for our annual October Run To The Sun Trip! 

Here's a peek of what the last month looked like...

Getting pictures from our oldest birdie out with a new friend he met on a Kayak!  Fishing and soaking up water views, feels and fish.  His body is frail and so skinny but his thoughts are the more he moves the better he does feel. Good days and bad, there's nothin better than being by the water....THAT'S FOSHO! 

Grant found a newborn kitten at his shop.  One day old.  Kali's fostering and he's thriving! 

2 Weeks Old Today! 

I found letters I wrote to my son while weeks pregnant.  18 years old.  Crazy.  It's amazing the accumulation of letters, books and mementos I've saved for my birdies.  So neat to read back now....

And THEN THE SIX-PACK ARRIVED!!

My friends are synchronized swimmers, don't be jealous!

Over Twenty Years of friendship....years of laughter, tears, good news and bad. We've blended our lives, love and loss into Six Humans that get one another.....So grateful....

I cooked my first soup of the Fall Season....Some for us, and some for Kris and Lexi!

And then the wind came like a vengeance....

I still can't believe he's gone.  The memories with that little dude....

I hope everyone is getting through the chapters and pages in this life.  There's so much good and so much bad.  There's pressures and fears. 

There's heartbreak and there's happiness.

Wash your hands.

Leave love notes.

Hug those you love every. day.  

This Mama Lisa

I have so many more pictures to upload.  Today is my chores day. Errands and business mode. 

Go spread love and kindness.  Even if you have to pull up that mask and smile at those in need....

Love.

Love always wins.