Those Songs.

Recently I've had conversations with both kids about gardening and music. 

One has a fond love for gardening (Kris)

Kali loves calming music (Blues)

Both of these went hand in hand as they were young.  

Our local college Long Beach State, has their own jazz and blues station.  (88.1)

K Jazz (The best on Saturdays and Sundays from 2-6)

Every weekend, they play old classics such as this

Cheek To Cheek

On Sunday mornings they play lots of Frank Sinatra, and the like. 

At 2:00pm, they start their "Nothin' But The Blue's" segment. 

It was when I'd do my gardening.  I'd plant flats and flats of flowers.  I'd change out my pots on the porch, to soon rinse it all down.  The gratification after a long day of labor, while listening to the jazz, to soon turn into blues...

My kids hold this fond memory of their mom.

And they've both recently mentioned this.

Childhood pages we don't realize they're absorbing.

Watching.

Listening.

It melts me. 

I would have a nice meal prepped, with a fresh outdoors planted. 

Bliss!

My dad would play the blues and would also take us to Blue's Festivals.

Holla...! BB King!

Wherever I am, when I hear it, it stops me in my tracks.

I hope there's songs, and music out there that does the same for you...

Happy Friday EVE!

I remember 1984, he came down and shook my 14 year old hands through the fence at Long Beach State University.  As my parents sat on their blanket among a sea of happy people behind us...

Oh, the memories...

This song, to my kids, not for the meaning, or the words.....but do you remember mama running in to the house to crank it up a little louder?

BB King - The Thrill Is Gone....

Such a great tune...

Peace to you all....

Is the thrill gone?

Fight through the hard days kids. 

Pick your chin up.  And if you can't today, that's okay.

Try again tomorrow.

Sometimes it's normal to just hurt. And be sad.

I feel you...

100%

And You Get Up And Keep Going.

My girlfriend from Oklahoma, Kerri, sent this to me last week. 

I sat in silence for the fifteen minutes it played staring into the eyes of a hurt, but very strong young-man. 

Overcoming.

She never doubted his ability.  She never turned him away.  Although he has rough inherited edges, she trusted the path, HIS path, would lead to goodness. Albeit, a long road, he is getting there. 

As I stare at his eyes, his spirit, his demeanor, I just feel his pain.

Painful eyes. 

Painful past.

And yet, he's pushing through.

It's people like him I praise for getting up and going every.single.day.

It's his tenacity that will not let him fail.

It's his spirit, (bias to his GATE program brain..lol).

Maybe he's a kick ass skater, maybe he's a loyal human deep deep down.

Either way, and no matter what, I am so glad he has Kerri and Kevin behind him.

Even if in Oklahoma, he knows she's his biggest fan. 

Go Dakota, go!  And don't ever ever let your past stop you.

Another example of those standing next to us in line.  Sharing a smile to those in great need.

Although I am a skeptic these days of trusting pretty much anyone, I can certainly say, these moments teach me to appreciate some humans.  

Most especially young humans whom rise from grief. 

And pain.

Dakota, I hope you never stop believing in YOU.

Happy Wednesday kids!

Peace, LOVE, and kindness....

Mama Lisa

Rut Row

Well, shark week reared its gnarly head on a beautiful Monday morning.  Part of me is thankful it comes around for visits still (*as she sings "I feellll like a woman in her Shania Twang accent - LOL)  while another part of me is growing tired of walking around with cramps, eating every, and anything that will sit still for me to take a bite off. 

I know these things are not comfy to talk about. Even more so for my men followers, but lets just play like adults, and get a true feel for the gloom that ensues during shark week.

#poorbill
#poorme
#helpmeimsad
#lol

#poorsassholepeoplegetassholeviberightbackatcha

I. HATE. IT.

It makes me extremely tired.  Super grumpy.  Tearful and hurt easily. 

I had to chuckle this morning as I was navigating to work trying hard to rally around these fellers.

Because it seems fitting for such a gloomy foggy morning. With cramps.  Like a cry baby.

You know, the truth is, life feels like this..

Most especially on days like today.

But I am strong.

I am able.

I am healthy.

I can do this.

Cramps, crybaby-fest and all.

Bring it Tuesday, bring it!

Congrats to this fine girl on her retirement.

 Carmen, you did it!

Those juvie (she's been a Juvenile Hall Nurse for 30 years, and pardon me if I got my years wrong Carmen)  kids were lucky to have had your straight-shootin' soul.  No more feelin' like you're in the nail salon at the nurses station lol.  No more early mornings after long fun nights.  No more requesting time off to get the bullshit that she always wanted to hand back to you.  NO MORE! Now you'll wait for us to mingle and schmingle when we can. 

Boom!

This Mama Lisa

Or in Carmens vocab, Layyyysaaa.

Love you guys...

Excuse me while I steer out of Rut-Row.

#wahhhhhhh #wahhhhhhhh

*My Pandora is set to John Denver.  *gives you my frame of mind- whatevs all the lolllzzz goodlawrd.org

The Last Day.

For me, the last day of work for the week. I can't completely shut down my world (mind), but I can step away from the emails, phone calls, PAPERWORK and daily grind laid in front of me. I'll shift my focus to take care of me. Us. 

The 48 hours to just soak up quiet. A book. A candle.  

Quenching the thirst of peace for my soul.

I'll possibly garden and play in flower beds just a little, weather permitting....

I'll plan a meal with a new recipe. 

I'll tuck away and read a little.  Sometimes I stare off onto walls and pray.  I'll check in with my parents. And my birdies. 

I'll count every blessing and every moment I've been spared on this Earth.  Life can be so hard, but I can be a better person because of it. 

Peace,

Lisa Lynn

Truth.

Ever has those blue days where you're between lump in your throat, and/or also wanting to punch people in the throat?

Thasss me today.

I literally have cried 5 times today.  So I get up and walk away from my desk.

Country music? 

Changed it.

Read a text from a friend about a young boy she's mentored who has literally been to hell and back?

Cry. 

Could be shark week coming.  Could be the clouds passing by.  Could be a tired mind and body. Could just be a full moon hangover.  Could be alot of things.  

I told myself to wise-up when my last customer called a short while ago.  He's in Michigan.  Another one lonely after just losing his wife.  Went on to chat with me about his daily musings, while half of me at first thought, ohmygawd, please let me get off this phone.  

To, regrouping and realizing, that we all just have moments.  I've been strong for years, months, weeks and days.  And some days, it's just too much.

Today is one of those. 

Was so nice to chat with Mr. Nass.  Nice fellow, just lonely.  Caught me by my ear.

Adjusted my attitude.

Happy Friday Eve. What another wild week it's been. 

Lord, help me get through more.

Love,

Lisa

Got Me To Thinkin'

I came across an article this week related to "raising teens" and the emotional rollercoaster that comes along with it. 

Article found here

The Snow Globe

I've renamed it simply because when you really stop and think about it, it doesn't just pertain to teens.

It pertains to each and every one of us.

Although I CAN'T STAND glitter, this analogy was so simply put, and really amazing.

They used to say, breathe it out.

Take a walk.  (not always possible)

Walk away.  (not always possible)

I am a reactor.  I am the girl that will punch first, think second.  Someone jump out to scare me? Watch out.  Someone accidentally bump me?  Watch out.  I don't hit, but man, my face tells all. 

HAHAHA!!!

I've learned throughout my years, and most recently lately, that my reaction can be so hurtful.

Words that spew from my lips can have long lasting effects to another's mind. 

Bill is way different than me. He quietly boils.  He stirs, and he brews.  As a matter of fact, I've never seen him lose his shit in public. EVER.  Now, to me, that's another story. lol. He's human, so the one you love and the one that spits mud your way, you'll eventually spit back. 

He is the most patient, and kind human in that aspect.  

I, on the other hand, am a reactor.

They say couples balance each other out, right?

Lately, I feel as though I am becoming numb to life's lemons.  I am becoming almost used to the bullshit that continues to come at us.  It's not even surprising anymore.

It's just "okay, chin up move forward"...

Monday we'd land back in the docs office for Kris.  He's fighting off yet another "somethin'" and this mom generally attends to get the right answers, request the right tests', and always always will walk beside him in those places.  Ironically enough, the receptionist at Cerritos Kaiser, remembered him from 3+ years ago, as he was going back and forth for appointments because as he told her "I feel like I am dying of aids".   Meanwhile he rolled in and out of that place for 3 days with platelets dropping at a death door rate.  AWFUL!   

When we leave those places, especially there, the pep in his step is almost infectious.  I'm right there with you baby.  Check in, check through-it, check out.  

For as long as I am here, I will walk by your side. 

The snow globe.

Giving the moments needed to diffuse what could be a bomb. 

This doesn't just happen with teenagers.

It happens with you. It happens with me.

It's life.

It's how we let the glitter fall, and how long do we take to respond.

I hope this article is helpful to you.

Which reminds me of the little plastic snow globes we had as children. I would drift away in fantasyland, pretending I was in there.  ha!  Seriously, do you remember those little plastic ones?

My great grandma Drennon had a counter filled when we were kids.  I would shake, stare and dream. 

How'd ya sleep last night?  Toss and turn, or crash an burn....

I wrestled with sheets.  

But I'm alive, and able.

This Mama Lisa-

Gonna learn to shake a snow globe and move on!

Watch Your Tongue. Watch Your Heart.

Full Moon kids....

Remember watch your tongue, and guard your heart. 

The next couple of days might offer moody moments, and most of all, grumps in your presence.

Tread lightly through it all. 

Missed my anniversary wish to my parents over the weekend.

Fifty One Years. 

Sunday.

Or as my dad says "sundeee"

My mom's reply  "Thank you sweetheart, you know this isn't always easy, tuff job. I wouldn't want any other man other than your dad.  We got more snow"

My dad's reply.  "Thanks Lisa, we got 6 more inches of snow last night! We need a break."

Kinda chuckled as I replied to both.  

To my mom..."I can only imagine mom, and thank you for hanging in there, at times I know for T and I"

And to my dad- "Well dad, at least you're not on fire watch"

Crickets.

Anyway, hope you're off to a good start to the week. 

Kali mentioned she's having some trouble sleeping..
The moon does that to us too :)

#moonpro

#drivesmyfamilynuts

Had a quiet, peaceful weekend. 

Nice long walk on the beach with my birdie Kris and his doggo's.

Buckie will be TEN this Sunday.  His walks on the beach are far and few.  Thank goodness for Grammie and a wagon.  He does still love a good roll on whatever is dead on the sand. 
That sun felt sooo soo good!

Sweet week to you friends...

Love,

Lisa

My Life Jackets

Girlfriends.

The ones you call or text when shit gets real.

The ones you call when you've got the most exciting news.

The ones that prove over and over that making an effort to gather each week for dinner is important. 

The one (Shelley) that preached to me several times to put my oxygen mask on first.  SO I can help my family better. 

The ones that cheer you on when things are going good, and pick you up or toss tissues your way when things are not. 

The ones that you sit next to and laugh your high bun off your head when margarita's start flowin' -- Those evenings at The Yacht Club I will forever and ever hold dear to my heart.

The one you text with tears streaming down your face because you're so fucking scared of the results of labs, or biopsies with hopes they'll cover you in their kind words and large love to pull you through.

This little dog.

Buckie has sat on my lap and even licked a few tears.

There's something about this dog. 

 The ones that blend into your lives 20 years ago, to be later named "The Six Pack"-

We've walked through some wild chapters together.  Each and every one of us.  Good times. 

Sad times. We're still the strongest 6-pack you'll ever find. 

Jodee, you know what you did shortly after this picture was taken, and we'll laugh about this for years and years.....

 But that's why we love you.  #drinktoss  #thatsitkids

My sister.  The chapters we endured as kids.  The way I'd try to make you laugh as a little girl by tearing my underwear into pieces while jumping from bed to bed.  The stories we share.  

She would come to the hospital every single day during our nightmare.  Just to give her love.  

She'd drop food off once home, because he was craving it. 

Tina, I love you. 

This chicks wisdom during my fretful moments.  She's a numbers/statistics girl, so her calculations for survival were always on point.  Reminding me often to pick my chin up and keep going.

Boy have the tables turned girl. 

A shout out to my friend Kerri in Oklahoma.  She's a Be The Match Advocate, and an actual courier for cells.  She delivers a new life to those in need.  

Ever meet people (we met in Cabo years ago) and you just click....?

That was us. 

Only now, we stay connected by texting.  

Advice (she has a teen boy...yikes!) HAHAHA!

Don't worry girl, it gets better. I promise. But like in 8 more years.  jk

My neighbor Erica (don't have her picture)- Served me food each and every morning and evening while I commuted to and from City Of HOPE.  She WAS and IS an Angel on Earth.

That chick makes the best chocolate chip cookie dough in all the lands, the best cheese dip in the whole atmosphere. Pretty much everything she touches.  Gold. 

Girlfriends.

Mentors.

Healers.

I love you all.

And I thank you for the love you've given to me. 

I wish you all a peaceful weekend.  Chase your dreams, or chase your pillow. Whatever rocks your soul, do that. 

For me?  

Le' Kitchen, Le' gym, Le' Laundry....

Le' coziest blankie I own. 

Love, 

This Mama Lisa


ps. I hope this week filled with love was more than just expressions with flowers, jewelry, candy and material.  I hope you felt loved by at least one person. I hope you smiled at a stranger in need.  Or wrapped your arms around the one you love a little tighter.  Not for the lust of it, but the mere feeling it feels to be secure.  I hope you didn't get caught up in the envy that tends to flow.
Images aren't always what is shown. Life is good, but it's hard.  And it's up to you to make a difference starting with yourself.  LOVE you first.  The rest will fall into place.

Thank you Bill for the Valentine love.  He writes the sweetest notes. 
Picks the most amazing flowers.
Mostly, his words mean the most. 

Forever Love And Protector.

I moved out when I was 17. 

My parents decided they'd buy a house far away in the mountains near Lake Tahoe.  At the time, I was a seventeen year old with a boyfriend and didn't think that would work. 

Looking back now I wonder why those parental's didn't grab that seventeen year old by her arm, and make her move.  

Life. 

Fast forward a year later, and she missed her period.

Deep deep down in her gut, she kinda knew what was happening.  

Scared, with morning sickness, she just knew. 

So she drove to their family doctor in Downey, with a confirmed pregnancy test, she sat in her little green Volkswagen staring at the piece of paper and sobbed.  

More fear, than accepting the unknown of "what would be".

She carried a small journal in to the doctors that day.  For notes.  For questions.  

As if those notes would guide me in the right direction of Motherhood. 

Motherhood is a beast.  And NO ONE can prepare you for its recipe. 

I would drive home.  

Calling my sister the minute I arrived.  She hung up on me.  (she later became obsessed with her nephew)

Then my parents. 

Both pretty unhappy with me. 

From that day forward, I promised myself. I promised my baby.  And I promised my family, I would try my very best at Motherhood. 

I can remember craving tamales (not the normal tamales with corn husks around them, I craved Xlint packaged chemical riddled, plastic wrapped ones) The only thing I really mastered in cooking was Kraft Mac n Cheese.  I'd eat the whole thing.   COVERED in pepper. 

The night I went into labor, I was eating El Pollo Loco and had to spit the last bite I took because the pain was kick ass oh-my-gerd, bad.  

We drove to the hospital at 10pm.  Birthed him at 5:30am.

The thing about giving birth, whether you're 19, or 39-- It's a miracle and pure euphoria.

He was mine, and I was his. 

Scared shitless the day we brought him home. I can remember staring at him on my bed and thinking...oh man.  Now what.

The car ride home being my first test of protection.  I swore someone was gonna side swipe the car. 

And stuffed in that little car seat looked like a potato bug to me, haha. - my little cherub. 

 Our love would deepen with every chapter we'd close and open.

We'd grow together in anything Mommy-Me. 

Swimming lessons.

Preschool (Tot-lot)

Sports (he hated)

I'd host his friends over for sleepovers, and little summer parties.

Just because.

He was my everything.

  

We'd navigate through elementary, middle school (tough years-yikes!), and high school.  I made a point to visit his counselors every single year, "just because".  I wanted them/him to know I cared, and I also wanted him to excel far and beyond what his "busy-body" would show.  

He was tested as "Intellectual" and "Gifted" in elementary, therefore, I always knew he was able.

It was putting the effort in, where I'd always need to remind. 

He'd do homework listening to super loud music in his room, and yet would kill it at tests'.

His mom is his biggest advocate. Figuratively, and literally.

He'd navigate a divorce, with a mom that packed his dad up one morning after he'd left for school, to never look back.  It was the healthiest choice for my home.  Kris was 10.

I'd do my best each morning, all day and every night to be a sufficient mom. To both. 

The first thing I wanted him to know, is I LOVED HIM. (Them)

We walked through long roads and chapters, growing together.

This last doozy sent me into a mindset like no other. 

This Mama Warrior took charge, and I never looked back. 

I love this boy.  

I love our relationship.

I love my choice to do my best. 

Even at times, I didn't know what I was doing. 

He's here.

His 1st Re-Birthday (picture makes me so emotional)

Through thick and thin, through sickness and health.  He's here.

And I am proud to be his mama.

Happy Valentines Day Bub. 

I am your biggest fan.  

I am who I am, because of you.

Love always, and far from perfect.

Mama 

This post is ALOT.  It's deep. It's me.  It's our story.  It's us.

The hard truth. 

My week of love notes.  

This is ours. 

Side note:  I still have that journal of notes I jotted down that day back in November of 1988.  I kept that journal and wrote to him often.  Having everyone whom attended his first birthday sign the last page.  HEART EYES